You're Different || Jimmy Darling

Chapter 36 Life on a Carousel

Maybe the pain would solve my problems, maybe a little pain wouldn't hurt? Do it, do it, do it chicken shit! You know you wanna do it! Just one slice, one cut, one little pinch of pain. I promise it wont hurt...

Just as I was about to press it to my skin to cut the delicate skin on my forearm I pulled away. I lifted it off and twirled the blade between my finger just like my mother had done in my dream. The nightmares and the past when my father used to beat me flashed before my eyes. I let go of the blade letting it fall onto the counter as I fell to the ground holding my knees up against my chest.

I thought of Jimmy and how if I did do it, I would only be hurting not only myself but him in the process. I loved Jimmy, he was my everything, without him I would probably be bleeding out on this floor right now. He was the one thing keeping me sane so that I wouldn't make a mistake I would regret.

This was one of our first fights as a couple or whatever the hell we were, I didn't think this would cause such a big fight between us. I understood that this, the Freak show, was Jimmy every knew since he was a kid and I completely understand why he wont wanna leave it. If I was him I wouldn't wanna a leave it either.

My father always had to come in and ruin shit. Everything he touched broke. Sometimes I think of what my life would be like if he wasn't in it and it seemed like a dream because thats how it felt for the past month.

I had everything I could ever ask for, people who loved me, an actual family that wasn't fucked up, a boyfriend who loved me, a home that wasn't a jail cell, I had everything. Now that he was back in the picture life was spinning like I was on a carousel. Everything was spiraling, my mind still wasn't registering the fact that he was in town, that he was gonna come after the things I loved.

I got up and looked at the blades again and picked one up looking at my reflection. I wiped my tears and tried to make it look like I wasn't crying. I looked long and hard at the blade. there was only one way...

"We need to kill him..." I whispered under my breath making sure it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear.

In my mind that was the only way he would go away for good, the one way he can finally be out of my life. I needed to rip him out of the picture for good.

I heard a knock that broke my train of though and I quickly put the blade down shoving them back into a corner where Jimmy had left them.

"Yes?" I asked as I ran the water on the sink to make it look like I was washing my hands or something.

"Everything ok in there?" Jimmy asked as he fiddled with the doorknob.

"Yeah, just give me a second!" I yelled over the running water.

I shut off the water and opened the door. Just as he was about to say something we both turned our heads to the window as we heard faint screams from outside.

We rushed once again outside to see Elsa practically dragging Pepper into a car. She got in the front seat and I was close enough to even see the tears in Pepper's eyes as she started the car.

"Hey wait!" Jimmy yelled as he ran toward the car but it was too late Elsa had already turned and drove off.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

Eve came out of her trailer as Im guess she too heard all the screaming and knew it was Pepper's.

"What just happened?" She asked as she all of a sudden stood by my side.

"Elsa just drove off with Pepper! What the hell?" He said flinging his hands in the air in anger.

"Miss Elsa took Pepper away...somewhere safe." Bette said as she too appeared out of no where walking toward us. Bette had beautiful blonde hair while her sister stayed with her natural color. God I missed so much around here, sometimes it was hard keeping up with everyone when I was trying to spend all of my time with Jimmy or I was dealing with problems of my own.

"Do you know where?" Eve asked.

"She didn't say, but she is taking Pepper somewhere safe. Pepper was getting out of hand, she was getting to be too much work for Miss Elsa." Bette said.

"Yeah, seems like Miss Elsa is doing that a lot lately, sending people off when they aren't good for her connivence." Dot said in her usual rude attitude.

"Dot! Miss Elsa was only thinking of us, her family, I know Pepper meant well but she was just so moved by...ya know, that she couldn't control herself. Poor Pepper, she was so kind and sweet to us." Bette said with a frown, it was the first time I had seen a frown on her face.

"Yeah, Elsa definitely didn't think the same when she sent you two off. If she cared about y'all she wouldn't have put you in a psychopaths house." Jimmy said because the subject just angered him even more.

"Dandy was nice to us! He treated us like princesses, but he did cross the line when he invaded our private space." Bette said slightly defending Dandy.

"Dandy isn't who you think Bette! Dandy tried killed Mel and I! He even tried sawing her in half!" Jimmy said finally revealing who Dandy really was.

"He what!? Dandy would never do that! Is it true Mel?" Bette asked with innocent eyes.

"Bette, how dare you! Jimmy is family why wouldn't you believe him? Im glad we left that rich boys house. He was a child in a mans body, even read our private thoughts in our diaries. Im glad we are out of there, the man seemed crazy. Cant believe he tried killing you two, thats awful!" Dot said as she slightly slapped her sister and agreed with Jimmy.

"Ow! I was just making sure with Mel! God sister!" Bette said holding her hand over the red spot on her face that her sister had slapped.

"Dot." I said narrowing my eyes at her because she had no need slapping her sister.

"If you don't mind me asking what did he read that has you so put off?" I asked, now I was just being curious.

"Well Dot and I saw this thing an-" But Dot stopped Bette.

"Sorry Melanie but Id rather not share that, those things are just between my sister and I. Now we really should get going now." Dot said as she walked back to their tent.

"Pepper, I didn't even get to say goodbye..." I whispered, I was remembering the happy times when I would see her and Salty running around here like two little children at heart. The bunch was getting smaller and it made me sad seeing them all disappear into thin air.

Eve just walked away with tears in her eyes. I looked toward Jimmy.

"Still disgusted about how the twins didn't know that about what Dandy tried to do to us." He said coming over holding his hand in mine.

"Me too..."

"Why so quiet darling?" He asked.

"Just got a lot on my mind..."

"You always say that. Whats really going on in that little head of yours?"

"Just a lot...wow the sky is really beautiful tonight." I said looking up at the darkening blue sky that was just filling up with stars.

"Yep, it really is. It's beautiful just like you." He said looking at me and smiling.

"Oh Jimmy..." I said blushing, every time he said things like that it made me think of when we first met, just made me think of the good times.

"I don't care where we go or where we end up, if we stay or leave, I just want to be by your side baby." He whispered as he pressed his lips on mine as the star behind us in the sky glowed bright, this wasn't worth losing over a stupid fight about my father coming to town.

Our love was something worth treasuring and I was gonna do anything I could to keep it from being broken.