Another Love | The Hobbit

V. The Singing Wizard

The company was stuck in the dungeons of the Mirkwood palace, all of them feeling quite hopeless and irritated. Some were pacing their cells, waiting for Thorin to return from his chat with the king while others tried to catch up on sleep although it wasn't working out too well in their favour as Lucien loudly sang an unknown song and ran his hand along the bars. It was both amusing and beyond annoying to listen to but there was nothing else to do so they all let the wizard have his fun and wait until he tires out, then maybe they could get some peace.

"Invite a psycho-killer inside. Scratch a drug dealer's brand new ride. Take your helmet off in outer space. Use a clothes dryer as a hiding place. Dumb ways to die. So many dumb ways to die. Dumb ways to die-ie-ie. So many dumb ways to die. Keep a rattlesnake as a pet. Sell both your kidneys on the internet. Eat a tube of super glue. I wonder, what's this red button do? Dumb ways to die. So many dumb ways to die. Dumb ways to die-ie-ie. So many dumb ways to die. Dress up like a moose during hunting season. Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason-!"

"What are you singing?" Kili interrupted the obnoxious singing, staring at Lucien from across the way in his own cell.

The wizard huffed, "Isn't it obvious? It's the dumbest ways to die." He raised his arm again and whacked it across the metal bars, not enough to hurt but enough to make a sound.

"Never heard of it," Bofur spoke up.

"Well, you just did," Lucien grinned, "So there you go."

Ori raised his head from lying on the cold stone ground, "Thank you!" He exclaimed cheerfully, causing a couple of laughs to ring through the dreary underground.

"I think it's growing on me," Fili poked his head out from next to his brother's cell, "Sing it again."

Lucien's grin widened and prepared his voice again, ignoring the groan from Dwalin, "Set fire to your hair. Poke a stick at a grizzly bear. Eat medicine that's out of date. Use your private parts as Piranha bait. Dumb ways to die. So many dumb ways to die. Dumb ways to die-ie-ie. So many dumb ways to die!"

The dwarves smiled in joy, hearing their wizard belt out unusual lyrics to a song they have never heard before, it entertained them immensely. Few wondered what it would be like if they never found Lucien or Lucien never found them, they would be tremendously bored by now.

Not long later, two pairs of footsteps were heard walking down the stairs, one being light and the other heavy. It didn't take a genius to know who was coming.

Thorin and Legolas entered the room of cells, the company yelling insults at the elf and shouts of concern to their leader. Lucien merely watched with interest, thinking what the king could have said to make Thorin look so aggravated, probably anything really.

"Hey Thorin, hey Lego." Lucien greeted happily, grabbing onto the bars lazily and leaning against them as if to get a better look at the passing duo. Some of the dwarves snorted at the name while the elf glared coldly at him though it was anything but intimidating, he should really fix that.

The cell door was closed and the Oakensheild was locked inside like the rest of his companions.

"Bye, Leggy!"

Now all they needed was Bilbo and Gandalf and they would be complete. Where was the hobbit anyway?

"What now?" Gloin questioned, knowing he wouldn't get much of an answer but chose to ask anyway.

Thorin grumbled something about the Mirkwood king and his son but no one thought to tell him to speak up, they would probably end getting yelled at. So, back to silence it was for the company. Now Lucien was really bored and when he gets bored . . .

"On a tropical island. Underneath the molten lava moon. Hanging with the hula dancers. Asking questions 'cause they got all the answers. Putting on lotion. Sitting by the ocean. Rubbing it on my body. Rubbing it on my body. Get me out of this cave. Cause it's nothing but a gladiator grave. And if I stick to the plan. I think I'll turn into a lava man. I think I'll turn into a lava man!"

The dwarves all groaned again except for Kili who was quietly giggling at what his friend was yelling that barely sounded like a tune. Where had he learned all of these bizarre lyrics? 

From a distance, Bilbo Baggins could easily hear Lucien down below and quickly followed after it. Good thing he was singing so loudly, almost at the top of his lungs, or he would never find them.

Thorin tried shouting at the wizard to quiet him down but he wasn't having any of it and continued with his childish behaviour. It was giving the prince a headache, why did he agree to let the boy come along with them? It was not his mission, he has put in no effort or help.

"Bilbo! It's Bilbo!" Nori saw him first much to the hobbit's fright as he told them to remain quiet. Lucien smiled fondly at the small being, doing as he was asked this time until he was released from his cage. The tall wizard bent down and picked Bilbo up into his arms in a warm hug, swaying him back and forth. Bilbo instantly returned the friendly gesture, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and grinning rather happily at the familiar face.

"You've done it, you beautiful creature." Lucien quietly cheered and gave him a big kiss on the cheek which left Bilbo quite shocked as he was put back onto his feet carefully.

"We gotta get out of here. Now." The hobbit told them after a moment.

They all nodded in agreement, they had been waiting for a while to escape after all.

"Do you know the way out?"

"I do."