Enjoying Your Company //

chapter seventeen

Vanessa's POV:

Spencer and I talked daily, every morning and every night while he was away. Even though I missed those puppy dog eyes and gentle face, hearing his voice was a good coping mechanism for the distance. I kept up my physical therapy, doing laps in the living room, making sure to keep my fluids up. Just like Spencer said. He's getting back tonight from a case, and we're finally going on our date. So I slip on my prettiest outfit. A tan plaid skirt, a burnt sienna long sleeve turtle neck, some tights, and a white peacoat. Paired with suede knee high boots. I put on my favorite earrings, the ones I hadn't worn since I left college. And finish my makeup, hearing a knock at the door. My heart ricocheted, sending ice cold air through my chest. I opened the door, losing all of my mentally collected readiness seeing Spence. Dressed handsomely in a dark suit, burgundy shirt, and dark grey sweater vest. His curly hair was styled justly, the pocket watch chain dangled perfectly. He looked euphoric.

"Hi." I spill, nervously.

"Hey." He flashed me that heart stopping smile.  "You look beautiful." His eyes followed my outfit. Struck that one out of the ball park. I lock my door, setting my hand in his arm. Pressing against him, angling myself perfectly to steal a quick kiss. His face flushed as his chest rose sharply, licking his bottom lick.

•••

We sat down at the Thai restaurant, chatting the night away. Spencer was a literal genius, I'd never met anyone who was as intellectual and profound as he is. He blew me clear out of the stratosphere. The colored paper lights around us danced in his light brown eyes. Everything about him took my breath away. I kept myself close to him in the booth, our fingers toying beneath the table.

"I got something for you." He said pulling out a small red box and handing it to me. I opened it and everything stopped. "It's a replica of the necklace you had on when we met." I picked up the gold heart locket necklace, opening it. The same photo of Allison and I inside it. "I know how much she meant to you, I didn't want you to live the rest of your life feeling like you left her behind." I looked up at him, tears welling my eyes.

"You didn't have to-"

"Of course I did." He stopped me, taking it from the packing, and unlatching it. I shift, pulling my hair aside so he could lay it over my chest, sealing the clip in the back.

"It's beautiful Spencer." I watched it settle around my neck and felt...whole. I turn back, unable to take my eyes off him. "Thank you." I touch his chest, kissing him lightly. I felt his shaky hand rise, moving to my thigh, deepening the kiss. We part, just looking into each other for a moment. "You really are my knight in shining armor." He did that nose scrunch thing I love so much, becoming flustered.

"I've uh, never enjoyed someone's company the way I enjoy yours." He flushed, his hand fidgeting.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I said, taking one last sip from my drink before leaving the booth. We walked back to my place, the chilly October breeze blanketing us. Cascading colored leaves fell around our path. I caught him staring at me, lips tucked, fiddling in his pocket. I reached in, taking his hand and interlocking our fingers. I felt a wave of relaxation run through him as we walked hand in hand down the street.

We got back to my apartment. I put on some coffee, lit the fireplace, and turned on one of my jazz playlists. I gave Spencer his cup, sitting despondently beside him. The words climbing up my throat.

"Spence, there's something I need to tell you." I paused. "About who I was." He sat forward, concern written across his face. I took a breath, fighting to figure out the right way to tell him.

"Long ago, before I left Canada. I-" I struggled. "I wasn't always, this person..When I was seventeen, I started drinking. Which, lead to smoking cigarettes, and eventually. I stared using." I restlessly bounce my leg. "Demerol. I nearly lost my life a few times because of it. I was young and stupid. I hated the world, hated myself, hated my life. I let it control me. After Allison. I really lost my way..." I let out a tight breath, shutting my eyes. "It's how I met Lukas. He was my dealer. We started dating and I, well, by the time I learned how bad of a person he was... it was almost too late." Spencer looked a little uneasy. "I moved here, to get away from that life, from drugs, from him. I've been clean, was clean, for over a year. I didn't know how to tell you..I didn't know, what you'd think of me after I told you." I took a breath, but he spoke.

"I already know." My head shot up, scanning his facial features in a stunned silence. "The doctors mentioned you use to be an addict. And the other girls-" he stopped "they were addicts too." I shut my eyes, still working to process Allie, Cathy, and Zoë's deaths. He licked his lips. "I know what it's like, to struggle with addiction. Wanting to hide away in the, comfort, it brings." He looked down at the floor, and I could feel the next words he spoke in my blood. "Mine was Dilaudid." His eyes hit mine again. "It changed me, it changed my team, my life...But it made me better myself." He shifted closer. "I don't care what you did in the past. I care about who you are. I care that you're kind hearted, strong, silver tongued, stunning.." He took an fretful exhale "..and that I get to spend my time with you." I couldn't control the tears, I let myself fall sideways into his arms. Crying as he cradled me, nuzzling into his neck, feeling his heart beat. Synchronicity. He lifted my chin, wiping a tear as he held my face, ever so gently. I bit my lip, inches from him, leaning for a smooch. His cheek in my hand as his taste touched my lips.

This, this is what love feels like.