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Chapter XVI- Scared to Let You Go

Mina's POV

After I finished my dinner, I immediately went to pick up my book from  the table on the living room. I planned to continue reading it in my room and so, I went straight there. As I was about to flop myself to bed, I heard my phone ringing. "Chae<3" , the caller id read. Until now I still haven't changed it and I don't plan to, honestly. It's not like she'll know it, right?

Anyway, I picked up the phone and contemplated if I should answer it or just ignore it for a while. I mean, she'd think I am always waiting for her to call if I answered it immediately like I did before. It's different now, I'm not her girlfriend anymore and it's making me hesitate if I should act the way I did before or if I should distance myself like how I am to my friends.

After thinking a lot, the ringing suddenly stopped. I checked my phone to see that she's been calling me for about three times already based on the number of missed calls I had with her name on it.

I felt guilty, maybe she called because it was important, so, when she called again, I answered it immediately.

"Hello?" I asked as I was on the phone with her. It took a while before she talked that it made me nervous. "Hey" I heard her saying it softly. She sounded so tired and I wanted to ask if everything is alright but I'm hesitating. Taking a deep breath, I shrugged that thought and just asked her why she called. 

"Can't I call you now?" She asked. I don't know if it's just my imagination but I felt like I hurt her by asking that question. "No, it's not that", sigh. I don't know what else to say, so, I just kept my mouth shut.

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This is us now, huh? awkward and can't seem to create a single topic without being shy or without thinking that maybe we are stepping the boundaries of being friends. I honestly hate being this awkward with you but I don't know what I would do to save us from this awkward atmosphere too. 

I wanted to talk to you comfortably but I also don't want you to feel like I'm overly caring about you. Not when you clearly said you wanted us to be just friends. I really don't know how to be just a friend to you, Chaeyoung-ah. I'm used to be your girl that I don't know how to treat you as though you're just one of my friends.

"I miss you." 

Hearing those words from the person I care about so much, my heart can't help but to skip a little. My heart felt like it was having a mini concert with the drummer banging the drums harder, vocalist hitting the highest note he could hit. In short, it was a sold out concert in there.

 Excitement, that's what it felt like. For a second, I got my hopes up but as soon as it did, it also went away after she continued, "I can still miss a friend, right?"

Right.

A friend.

Of course you can still miss a friend. Silly me. 

"O-of course," How pathetic. Stuttering mess.

"So uhh, are you home now?" I asked to change the topic.

"Not yet, I'm still on my way out to the schools gate." She said and all I could say is take care.

"Okay. Thank you." After that I don't know what else to say so I just listened to her walking from the other line.

"I probably should hang up now, Mina. Sorry to bother you." Chaeyoung said that I immediately disagreed. "You're not bothering me, you know that, ba---Chaeng." I scolded myself after almost calling her babe.

"Uhh, okay. Uhm, I'll hang up now." Chaeyoung said. "Alright, you should give  her  a chat too. Tell her you're going home." I don't know why I said that but I can't help myself. "What do you mean?" She asked. Annoyance visible through her voice. "Nothing. Take care. Bye, Chaeyoung." 

I immediately hung up after that. I don't know why I keep entertaining her calls or even her chats until now when I know that in the end I'll just keep on hurting myself. The thought of the girl she likes is making me feel so jealous. Still, I keep on latching on her even though I know it'll hurt me. 

I'm too afraid to let her walk out of my life even though I know she no longer have feelings for me. 

For the nth time since our break up, I'm here again hugging my pillow and crying my eyes out silently. Alone, with the lights off. 

"I thought today would be different." I started the day with much clearer mindset. I thought I would be busy reading the book I bought but then at the end of the day, here I am still crying for the same person who, not long ago, was the reason why I smiled genuinely

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A/N: I'm bored at work so I hid behind  my desk and updated XD shhh...