Everything We Wanted

-6- ✅

(Billie's POV)
5 months. 5 months without my baby. I didn't know if I could do this. It's already been two weeks and I am a wreck. I'm sure Aleah was just as much of a wreck, if not more. I never knew how much I depended on her until I didn't have her with me 24/7. I was on edge, my emotions were out of control and my anxiety was at an all time high. Me and Aleah FaceTimed every night, I always fell asleep first cause I was so exhausted. As I got back to my hotel room I FaceTimed her. Missing the sound of her voice and her face.

"Hey baby!" She said over the phone. Although I couldn't see her face.

"Hi mama, why you hiding your beautiful face baby? Let me see you."

"I look gross right now. I just got out the shower." She told me.

"Now that's a damn lie. You never look gross you're always beautiful. Now let me see that pretty face baby."  She moved her phone so I could see her face. I noticed her cheeks were slightly tinted pink. I smiled as I looked at her.

"Aww did I make you blush mama?" I giggled.

"Shut up! Oh my god." She whined and giggled a bit. Oh how I missed that laugh of hers. I see her face drop a little as her eyes darken sadly.

"Baby? What's wrong angel?" I asked her. I saw a small tear roll down her cheek but she wiped it away quickly.

"Nothing, I just...I miss you here..with me." She told me as she messed with the ends of her hoodie.

My hoodie.

"I know I miss you too baby, so much." I felt guilty knowing I was the cause of her pain. She sniffled as she positioned her phone so she was laying down. Though I realized it looked like she was trying to hide something. I brushed it off as she asked me a question.

"Can you sing something for me? Please?" She asked me tiredly.

"Of course I can mama." I grabbed my ukulele as I strummed the chords to '8'.

Once I finished the song she was passed out on our bed. That song always puts her to sleep. As I watched her sleep peacefully I noticed the pillowcases. Black streaks of what I assumed to be her mascara and maybe eyeliner were covering the pillow.

She's been crying herself to sleep. I felt horrible. I decided to stay up in case she did it again. At about 2am when I was writing I saw her start to toss and turn. I put my notebook and pen down. She jolted up out of her sleep, hyperventilating and crying. At first I didn't know what was happening. Then my brain clicked.

A panic attack. I thought to myself.

"Hey, hey Leah...LEAH!" She turned her head to look at me, pure fear in her eyes. "Hey it's okay. Just listen to my voice baby, focus on me. Now breathe, watch my chest." I took a deep breath in as she copied my movements and motions. She closed her eyes as she breathed deeply.

"That's it mama, do you think you can you talk to me baby?" She nodded her head, sniffling as she wiped her tears. "Okay, so talk to me baby." She took a deep breath in.

"Um, the-the nightmares started two days after you left. Then the panic attacks started a few days ago due to the nightmares. I don't really like sleeping anymore so that's why I've always waited until you fell asleep."

"Leah are you telling me that you haven't slept since I left?" I asked. I sounded harsher than I meant to. I was just worried. She hung her head low in shame. I blew out a breath of frustration.

"I'm not mad mama, I just...you need to sleep baby. Cause that means you haven't gotten a good amount of sleep in 2 weeks. Aren't you exhausted baby?" I asked as gently as possible.