Take Me Back

I've Got This

Later that day, Jay walked Hailey to the nearby communal AA clinic for her first appointment. Hailey still felt like hell, but Jays hangover mix definitely helped to ease the nausesness a tad. The old couple both trembled greatly with anxiety, as Jay opened the door ahead of Hailey. She was clearly embarrassed of walking into the same clinic, that she used to bring criminals to when she picked them up off the street. Jay held the door open, but Hailey stood static just before the threshold. "Hailey" Jay said, wafting his spare hand infront of Haileys frozen face. "Ugh, yeh" She said, her brain still a few seconds behind the rest of her body. "You good?" Jay questioned, beckoning for her to start walking again. "Mmhmm" Hailey hummed unconvinsingly, and proceeded to walk through the door Jay was holding open for her. "OkAy" Jay replied, mentally questioning Haileys previous situation, as he followed her to the main hall.

A crowed had already gathered in the big echoey hall. They had obviously all been coming for a short while, because they all seemed a tight-knit group from Hailey and Jays point of view. Hailey, however, was the only one to be accompanied by a friend or partner of some kind; which made her feel slightly more assured and safe. "You got this" Jay nodded, when Hailey looked up to him like a small child for reassurance. "Yeh" Hailey nodded, convincing herself that she could do it. "I'll be back to pick you up in an hour" Jay said, laying a protective hand onto Haileys shoulder. Haileys eyes widened suddenly, because Jay said he was staying with her the whole time, not leaving her. "I have to go see Jasmine- Voight said she is kicking up a fuss" Jay clarified that he didn't lie to her to just get her, but in actual fact he had a Daddy emergency, after receiving a message from Voight. "Yeh, ofcourse" Hailey understood, happy that Jay was putting Jasmine before her- after all, she was a grown adult. "You got this" Jay assured one more time, before leaving Hailey to stand like a lemon in a room full of junkies. "I've got this" She repeated to herself, and proceeded to make her way to the crowed.

Haileys POV

Once Jay left, I began to feel like the smallest fish ever in the most vast ocean and completely out of their depth. No one noticed me at all, they were gathered in a huddle laughing their heads off. Five minutes later, aprox, the head guy noticed me standing like a lemon when he was telling everyone it was time to begin. "Oh, you must be Hailey" He smiled. "Yes" My reply came out so quiet, that it was a mirical he managed to hear it from across the room. "Nice to meet you, I'm Zac. Come join us" Zac smiled introducing himself, with a friendly glimmer in his eyes. At once, my shoulders dropped and I sighed a breath of air, that I didn't know was being held.

I sat down next to a formal looking woman, she mustn't have been much younger than myself, and had long luscious-black hair. She sat tall in her seat: looking proud and dominant, yet so friendly. "Hi" I said uncomfortably, wriggling in my chair. "Hey, I'm Anastasia" The black-haird woman stuck her hand out for me to meet. She didn't look like she should be here at all...not even a little bit. She was dressed and behaving like she should be stuck behind a Lawyers desk or something. "Alright, time won't stand still for us. We really have to get started now" Zac interrupted, and began to ask everyone how they were doing. Everyone had a different stuggle, it wasn't just that they were junkies or alkies- the majority had a complex story behind it. One man had been in Afghanistan for three years, came back 2 years ago, and found himself turning to drugs for relief. It was like listening to Jay all over again. Actually, it was exactly like listening to Jay.

I have no idea how long I was away with the fairies for; but I was forced out of it my Zac yelling for my attention. "Ugh, sorry" I apologised sheepishly. "Don't worry- it happens alot. How are you feeling? Explain what brings you here" Zac nodded his head for me to start explaining, his nod was weirdly reassuring. "Ugh, I don't know what to say really" I stuttered: really not wanting to start the conversation with I abandoned my newborn baby and my Husband. "The truth" Anastasia prompted into my ear, and subtly nudged my elbow with hers. "Ugh, I ended up addicted to drugs and alchaol after my daughter was born. I ended up abandoning her and my ex-husbad, when she was only a few weeks old" I admitted in pentance. No one seemed to judge though, only stare at me with a sympathetic expression. "See, you did know where to start. It's very strong of you to admit that" Zac patronisingly praised. I felt like I was at nursery, and just admitted to stealing another kids pencil or something daft. "Didn't have much choice" I grumbled under my breath, receiving a number of unimpressed glares. "Well, you could have just stormed out of her, or even just not came" Zac tried to dim the awkwardness as much as he could. It was blindingly obvious that I wasn't going to fit in here anytime soon- which honestly I didn't care about. "Why did you become addicted to drugs and alchaol once you have your baby?" A different womans voice asked. "I felt...alone I guess. Sad a little too. I felt like everyone was against me, even though they weren't...but they are now. I didn't want to turn out like my Father either" The last part jurked unwanted tears into my eyes. I flopped my head to the floor, and stared intentally at it, trying to fight the urge of letting my collected tears fall. A calming hand rested ontop of my shoulder, it wasn't Anastasia though; because the pressure was on the wrong side for it to be her. I looked to the side the comforting pressure came from, and it was John...I think that was his name anyway. He wiped away an escaped tear with his rough thumb, his eyes letting off the most warmest look. "I'm okay" I chaoked to John, removing my shoulder from under his grasp. "Your father, what was he like?" Zac questioned, even though he fully knew what was coming. "He...he used. He used to beat my Mom, Siblings and I, when we were kids" I retorted.

The rest of the hour dragged by, most of the attention was on me. I guess that's what you get being the new kid. Zac dug deep, like real deep. He wanted to know the ins and outs of everything. He didn't just fly briefly over anything- he even wanted to know the specific drugs and alcohol I got hooked too. With every answer, came a new wave of shame and hatred towards myself. My answeres were soon followed by reassurance or some sort of kind comment. When the alarm (that was set for one hour) began to bleep insanely, I jumped out my seat and practically sprinted it towards the door to find Jay.

Jays POV

I only just made it back to the centre for Hailey on time, after struggling to calm an hysterical Jasmine down.

I stood outside the main entrance door, hand in my pockets and shivered slightly, as the cold Chicago winter bit my face. Just about instantly, the door swung open and out came a flustered looking Hailey. She clearly didn't acknowledge me at all, because she carried on marching down the car park. "HAILEY!" I yelled to get her attention. Even though it was dark, it was very clear that she jumped a mile from her name being yelled. I ran over to join her in the middle of the car park, slipping on a piece of camouflaged ice in the mean time. "Hehehe" Hailey giggled like a toddler, something I hadn't heard off her for four years. "You didn't see anything" I smirked seriously, trying to contain my embarred chuckles. "See what? You almost stacking it?" Hailey teased. "Come on" I chuckled shaking my head. For a moment it was like the old days. The days were Hailey and ripped each others to shreds, and teased each other until dawn struck. I didn't feel like Hailey had just came out of an AA meeting, after being MIA for four years. It felt like we were still married- which legally we were thinking about it-, or atleast the amazingly good friends we once were.

I unlocked my car, and Hailey and I both hopped in simultaneously, before buckling up our belts. Silence stuck us again, the new thing going on between us forced its way in again. Starting the car, I struggled with what to say; because I hated silence with a passion, and I knew Hailey did too. "How are you?" I asked, trying to break the silence. "I'm good" She blatantly lied. "Cut the crap, Hailey" I rolled my eyes, taking a quick glimps at her before going back to the road. "You're unbelievable, Jay Halstead" Hailey said, but I had no idea what way I should interpret the comment. "What?" I furrowed my brows highly discombobulated. "Forget it" Hailey back tracked, resting her head in her hand that was rested on the passenger door windowsill. "No, go on" I encouraged, interested in what Hailey was thinking. After seconds of clear hesitation, Hailey finally began to explain what she ment by her comment. "You don't hold back" Hailey chuckled. "What do you mean?" Haileys reply posed for questions than it answered, not helping my puzzlement. "You just say it how you see or feel it. You thought I was talking crap, so you told me to cut it" Hailey smiled nervously. "You always say you hate people who beat around the bush" I shurgged with a slight smirk. "Tuchè" Hailey retorted, resting her head against her head rest and shutting her eyes.