Always find me ~ ChanLix

25

Just quickly before we start just wanna say thank you all so much for 56k what the actual frick- I can't wrap my head around how or even why. Thank you thank you thank you!  I started writing this just for fun as almost a gag, but now I feel really motivated to make it worth while! There are some things that I probably will go back and change, but I'm going to finish the whole story before I do so (Maybe. I don't actually know-). Anyways, thank you all so much. If you are still reading despite my terrible non-existant upload schedule, welp, sucks to be you- I mean- kidding... sorry... gahhh I'm just in shock right now! Brain... no signal... uhhh... okay... bye! :D

Oh also, incase some of you were confused, in this au, Felix and Minho both got eliminated at first but then Minho was the only one who made it back into the team. It's like this because I have plans for conflict later on surrounding this. Sorry in advance-

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"Chan..."

The two stand there for only a few seconds, but those few seconds feel prolonged as they  look at each other. Almost completely oblivious to all their other surroundings. Even though they saw each other before, even with the stranger circumstances, they could feel the same unexplainable feeling all over again.

With the adrenaline pumping through Chan's veins, making his mind spin, his body wants to jump up and down out of excitement, embarrassment and complete fear. Instead, he stands still, unable to move. Both of them in fact, did not move one bit. Whether it was because they were both scared of the other or because of the numbing feeling in their throats, the kind that appears when words are being trapped.

The sound of a car driving away is what breaks the silence. Oliver's car to be exact.

"Ahem... Hi..." Chan says awkwardly, fumbling with his hat nervously. Ignoring the situation with the guy who was coming from Felix's house. He didn't think it was right of him to ask questions all of a sudden.

"..." Felix doesn't reply. He simply stands there and stares; unsure of how to further proceed. He looked perfectly calm on the outside to Chan, but his insides felt like erupting at any moment.

What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do-

"Felix, please listen, I know that I shouldn't have just shown up out of nowhere but I just really wanted, no, needed to see you. I've made some terrible mistakes and you were the one who payed for them. So I came here and-"

"Chan." Felix interrupts.

"You're right."

"I... am?" Chan asks a bit confused.

"Yeah... you really shouldn't have come here." Felix begins to close the front door.

"W-Wait Felix please! I-I... I..." Quickly thinking of what to say, Chan blurts out,

"I... miss you..."

Felix halts.

"No you don't. It's just the guilt." Felix says from the crack between the door and the frame.

"You don't need to feel guilty Chan, you didn't do anything wrong..." Felix says, clenching his hands on the door and handle, trying to make his voice sound as smooth as possible. The pain from his damaged hands is put to the side.

"I did Felix. I should have been there for you. I should have fought harder for you. It's completely my fault. We were best friends and now..." Chan furrows his eyebrows as the suffocating feeling in his throat intensifies.

"No I should have tried harder as well... But I didn't. If anyone should feel guilty, it's me. So stop feeling guilty Chan, you really don't need to... All of these mistakes and this guilt, it's all in the past. There's nothing we can do now, and we should leave it at that."

Chan doesn't know what to say in response. He could continue telling Felix that he feels sorry, but that wouldn't get them any further than where they already stand.

"Felix-"

"I'm fine, really. It was good seeing you Chan, but I think you should probably go now." Felix closes the door further before Chan continues,

"I really miss you."

There it is again. The thing that Felix wanted yet didn't want to hear.

"It's true. The guilt is one thing, but this is completely different. Felix, I miss you so much. It's a bit embarrassing to say out loud, but I think about you all the time. About how we used to hang out and joke around. About how comfortable I felt around you and you made me feel comfortable when I was struggling. Our friendship was something I'll never be able to forget. "

Felix widens the gap in the door, only slightly, but this is enough to motivate Chan to keep going.

"Now that I'm here, I can't let go of that again. I know that I can't erase anything that happened in the past, but in this moment I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to bring you back. No more running away. Not this time. I will never leave you behind."

That phrase. That's the one. The one that can bring Felix's facade crumbling to the ground. Every time he heard that prior to now, he would feel wounded. This time however, it gave him a sense of... how to describe it... It was a feeling as though his heart started beating again after ages of sitting still.

The same goes for Chan. After saying all those words, he feels relief knowing that he could finally convey his thoughts to Felix after all that time of being apart. Felix opens the door. Not completely, but enough so that Chan can see the boy inside entirely. Chan simply smiles, looking at the boy with a slight melancholic expression.

"Do you wanna come in?" says Felix, drumming his fingers on the door anxiously, unsure if this was the right choice. Letting Chan inside after so long.

"Yes. Very much." Chan says with an exhale. He had reached the goal, is what he thought. But this was truly minimal progress. It would take much more and much longer until Felix would again feel the same comfort as he did once before. But progress nonetheless. 

Felix steps aside to let the other inside. Chan does so cautiously, his nerves spazzing out as he nears the other boy. Finally, he manages to step through the threshold. The opening of that door meant the opening of a new start.

A new start for the both of them.