||Call It Epiphany Or Serendipity|| [BNHA × Reader]

Chapter 15|Trying

You skate down the sidewalk with a downcast gaze, passing the friendly hi's of your neighbors who could only stop mid sentence.

There was an incredible urge within you that sat at the tip of your tongue and, if left unchecked, was sure to leave your throat raw and full of blood. Nose stinging all the same as a heavy weight draped over your unsteady heart beat. Questions and ways you could've done things better expressed in your mind as you reflected on the days events.

Chewing on your cheek, you yanked the gate open and stepped into your messy yard. The wheels on the grass would be unstable had you not crossed it time and time again.

If I hadn't stopped and stared like a fucking dumbass-!

Even you understood that had been a ridiculous statement. For you could run to the ends of the earth and live a life of solitude and they'd still find you, still manage to hurt you and whatever it was that surrounds you. As if you were a ticking bomb and they were the flame that lit your wick.

They had never missed a day from as far back as you remember. You don't believe they ever will. For as long as you kept quiet and obedient as your care takers told you to, they would always come after you.

How easy, you thought. How easy it must be to sit on the sidelines and tell someone what to do. To criticize their ways, ignorant to the fact that they've already tried everything they had oh-so-graciously been tipped on. It's always been so simple to point out the flaws and difficult to see that you're trying.

You've been trying and you're getting sick of it.

Day in and day out, the same thing every time you step out just to buy some toilet paper at a dollar store. You're caught, you fight, you flee. Only to get home and be scolded for trying and doing what you could.

They don't understand.

All you could see was their constant frown, shaking their head and telling you to improve. Even when you dug your nails into your palms and grit your teeth, you still agreed.

You assumed no one did.

Not unless they've been fighting their way every chance they step out the door for their own freedom since the age of 10.

Not this time. I refuse to keep allowing this to happen just because they don't have to deal with it. I don't know how much more I can take before I lose my damn mind!

Who were they to even tell you how to deal with it when it was happening to you?

And why? Why did you have to grit your teeth and bear it?

Waiting, wishing, praying. Not once had that passivity gotten you anywhere, why would it start now? Get stronger, it was something you heard often, be better.

Yet with a double standard as that one where you were left improving passively, you were left to search for even a crevice in your day to think of how to solve your actual problem and questioning whether they were doing this for you or for themselves.

This isn't what you wanted.

For as long as you could feel, even without a shred of remembrance of the days back then, you had always traced the spine of a folded dandelion, bowed in pain and sadness, stepping before it and simply wishing to heal it. You only wished to heal, not to harm. So why? Why do you continue to hurt those around you?

With paled knuckles, you slammed the gate closed in time with a loud yelp. Turning to the source, you felt the gate bounce back when you were met with familiar black, tired eyes.