Mutual | dreamwastakenxreader

⌁Rings⬗

this chapter contains angst! please be careful and skip this chapter if it will make you uncomfortable.

Y/N POV

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☆☆☆

New York City, New York

☆☆☆

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I slowly slide down the door, leaning against it as I take a heaving breath. I wipe away my tear with the collar of my shirt. I look around the apartment, and dread what I see. Its not something specifically, its something which is missing. Without their presence, it feels empty, hollow, as of something is out of place.

I rest my head back, hitting the door. I bring my knees in, hugging them close, crossing my arms and resting them on my knees. I then place my head on top of the make-shift platform. My eyelids get droopy, forcing me to blink and send tears down. I hear as the door into the apartment building shuts just downstairs, meaning Dream is gone. Like, really gone.

My heart feels emptier than before. When George and Sapnap left I felt horrible, but Dream helped that feeling go away, almost like a reminder that I'm not completely alone yet. Now that he's gone too, there no telling what's going to happen with my emotions. Well, if you were smart enough, you could probably guess.

I take quaking breath as yet another tear rolls down my face. This time, I let it stream, wetting my forearms underneath of my chin. I sniffle, my nose suddenly clogging with my crying. I face downwards as more tears stream down, falling down and darkening my clothing in the spots that they hit. I close my eyes, allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts. That was probably not a good decision, given how much I over think and assume.

Why am I so upset about this? I just simply don't understand. Why don't I understand? Why has this never happened in my 19 years on this planet? It makes me feel so stupid that I don't understand my feelings, even if they correlate with the thoughts inside my head.

I know what I'm thinking, don't I? So why does it have to be so fucking hard to understand emotions? This is so unfair. Humans and emotions suck. Why can't I be an emotionless shell?

trust me, its not as fun as it sounds

I feel something soft brush against my legs, and I lift my head to see Lucky coming over. I assume its to comfort me. I let down my knees, stretching my legs out in front of me. I scoop her up and cradle her close to my chest.

"This is so hard, Lucky," I say. She presses her face further into my palm, almost as if she's claiming she understands. I cuddle with her for a bit, and it helps take my mind off of things temporarily.

Once she fills her need for attention, she hops away, strolling carelessly. I stand up with her, deciding it might be time to upload that video I was thinking about earlier. A few remaining tears stream down my face, but I ignore them. They'll dry somehow.

I walk into my bedroom, sitting down at my setup. I hope I'll feel better before my stream, since I haven't been doing a lot of streaming recently because of the boys coming over.

I enter a new tab for YouTube, clicking the upload button. While it does so, I decide to clean up a bit. I take the sheets off of my bed, balling them up and placing them on the hallway floor. I then enter the guest bedroom, also taking off the sheets and balling them up.

I place them in the washing machine, starting it up. I slam the door shut in frustration that has recently replaced my sadness. I walk back to my monitors, hoping my video is done uploading. Not even close.