Fine

Chapter 15

I'm here, I text Nate as I walk into the nightclub. Jordan texted me a few minutes ago asking me to pick Nate up (apparently, Jordan drove him but then his parents wouldn't let him leave the house again, and he told Nate he'd get someone).

I scan the club and spot him in a booth, so I start towards him. He looks shockingly sober. His face isn't flushed, his posture is normal, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a drink. Wait- no, there's something on the table.

My view of whatever it is is blocked a moment later, though, by a person. A girl. Who, I realize, is kissing Nate.

And he's making no move at all to stop her.

Oh, and he's also kissing her back.

I reach the booth around the time that they break away from each other, though neither goes far. He's smiling a little, like he's going to take her to bed. My stomach twists at the thought, and I pointedly clear my throat.

He looks up, and his eyes widen a little when he sees me, like he's confused. The girl looks up at me, too, and she looks shocked before turning to Nate, eyes narrowed. "Is this your boyfriend? You just told me you were single!"

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. I sigh. "Nate, Jordan texted me to ask if I could pick you up. Are you ready to go?"

He blinks, then nods wordlessly. The girl looks at Nate like she doesn't recognize him, which is fair. Nate slides out of the booth, and she shoots him a glare, before turning to me with an apologetic, guilty look. "I am so sorry, he told me he was single like a minute ago, I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

I give her a small smile (it's forced). "Don't worry, it's not your fault. And we're not dating. Just friends." I see Nate visibly wince in my peripheral vision.

She looks a little relieved, but still not happy. "Alright."

I flash her another smile, before turning and starting towards the exit with Nate behind me. I don't say anything to him until we're in the car, and I'm driving back towards his house.

"I-" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Don't apologize, Nate."

I can see his confused look in my peripheral. I take a deep breath.

"I'm not mad at you."

He looks even more confused, but now I think I can see a bit of relief.

"I know that you're going through something really hard right now. Just tell me this: were you actually, truly attracted to that girl?"

He's silent, and I know the answer is no. I sigh.

"Okay, how about this: were you ever attracted to me?"

He looks pained. "I-"

"No, wait. Don't answer that, that's not a fair question." I take a deep breath. "Do you care about me? Even as a friend?"

"Of course," he whispers. "Levi, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Nate, I'm not mad at you. But I am hurt. And I know that you're going through something really difficult, and so yes, I forgive you for hurting me before you even apologize." I take a deep breath, and sigh again. "But I don't think I can keep doing this."

He's quiet for a moment. "What- what do you mean?"

I don't look at him, because I'm pretty sure that if I do, I'm going to break down. "You need to figure out whatever you're going through, and I don't want to rush you. Take your time- as much time as you need. But I can't- I can't be a part of this anymore. Whatever we're doing. Where you do something, hurt me, apologize, and I forgive you because I understand what you're going through and I know that it's hard and it sucks and it's confusing and painful. When you figure out what you want, when you get to a place that you're comfortable with yourself, whatever that means- come find me. I want to be there for you, Nate, I really, really do, but I need to protect myself first."