Fine

Chapter 19

Nate's idea of 'close friends' is pretty close to my idea of boyfriends.

We're at my house watching a movie in my basement. Jordan was sitting on the floor not too long ago, Chase playing with his hair, but he's moved up now and Chase is in his lap, trading kisses every once in a while.

Nate is snuggled into my side. My arm is around him, and his head is resting on my shoulder. A minute or so later, and he'll practically be sitting in my lap (this isn't the first time this has happened). I can hardly wait.

Honestly, I'm not totally sure what the difference would be if we were officially dating. Maybe sex. Honestly though, I'm not completely surprised that this is what he meant by 'close friends'. I've recently discovered that Nate's known he was gay nearly his entire life but was able to somehow keep his feelings closed off (which is seriously impressive, by the way). He still hasn't explicitly said he is gay, or anything, really, which leads me to believe not that he's in denial, but that he finds it a lot easier to lie if he doesn't explicitly acknowledge the truth. And due to his family situation, I'm okay with that. I don't need him to acknowledge anything more than what he already has: that he likes me, that he's scared, and that he wants to feel the way he does when he's around me.

It's not like he's actively trying to hide this, our 'close friendship', either. We smile at each other in class and hold hands in the hallways and wait at each other's lockers and he's pecked my cheek before my basketball games ('for luck') and then after if I win as congratulations (or if I lose, as consolation). He just doesn't have me over to his house, which is fine with me because I have a hard time being around homophobic parents anyways (I get a strong urge to start yelling and ranting about human rights and love is love and what the heck is wrong with people who disown their own children for having feelings).

Nate shifts so that he is now half in my lap, snuggling into my chest. I smile to myself and hug him a little tighter, kissing his forehead. He lets out a content sigh, pressing his lips to the side of my neck briefly before turning back to the movie. I swear, I nearly swoon.

Chase catches my eye and gives me a little smirk. I roll my eyes at him, and Jordan must notice our little nonverbal exchange because he presses a lingering kiss to the back of Chase's neck, making him straighten up a little and suck in a breath, his eyes fluttering shut. Jordan winks at me, and I grin. Chase intentionally keeps his gaze away from me after that.

Chase and Jordan have surprisingly not said anything to Nate and I about whatever our relationship is right now. They've seen us exchanging little pecks and cuddling almost daily, so it seems like they probably should have said something by now (especially considering all the trouble they went through trying to get us together in the first place), but there's been nothing. I chalk it up to Jordan and Nate's telepathy: Jordan most likely knows how Nate is dealing with this (being in a relationship with a guy but keeping calm enough around his homophobic parents to convince them he's straight) and doesn't want to mess it up. And, of course, Jordan can keep Chase in line pretty easily.

Nate shifts again, this time to face me a little more. I meet his gaze, and he gives me a smug little grin before letting his eyes flicker down to my lips. I smile, and a moment later he's kissing me. I gently cup his cheek, running my fingertips over his skin to make him as breathless as I am. He gasps a little, then turns his head so he can press closer. I swallow a groan as he slips his tongue into my mouth before pulling away (and coming back to nip at my upper lip one more time, before pulling away again) and smirking a little. I press my lips together and roll my eyes before tugging him back against my chest.

Eventually, the movie ends and Chase and Jordan leave, but Nate and I stay pretty much exactly where we are. Cuddled up together, just enjoying each other's close proximity. We stay like that for a while, trading little touches and pecks for a little while, until Nate finally asks (in a whisper), "Does it bother you?"

I know he means the fact that we're not technically official boyfriends, even though we do everything that boyfriends do. "No, it doesn't bother me."

"Are you sure?" He sounds a little scared.

"Of course." I kiss the top of his head.

He hesitates (I know the conversation isn't over because we have this conversation pretty regularly. I'm fairly certain he feels guilty that he can't do official labels). "You could find someone else, you know. Someone out."

I run my fingertips over his neck, running my hand all the way down his arm to his hand where I draw little circles in his palm. "Sh. Nate, this is all I need. This is perfect. It's the perfect compromise: you stay safe, but I still get to have you."

I'm not lying, either. I want to be with Nate more than I've wanted to be with anyone, ever. And I get to have him, this way, without living in constant terror that his parents will find out and disown him (of course, there's always that nagging fear- there always is, with homophobic parents- but I have faith in Nate). Besides, his concern about this particular issue is enough to keep me solidly reassured of his feelings, despite our relationship lacking a title.

"Okay," he murmurs, and I nuzzle his neck gently. He shies away (he's ticklish there, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life), before shifting so he's able to face me again. I go to peck his cheek, but he turns and catches my lips between his instead. I forget to breathe.

He hums a little, pleased with himself, as he winds an arm around my neck and kisses me deeper. I break away for a millisecond to breathe, then wrap my arms around him and hold him against me, kissing him urgently. I can feel his smile as he kisses me back, biting and sucking on my top lip, pulling it between his teeth. I groan a little, and he continues to abuse my upper lip or another moment before pushing his tongue into my mouth. I was breathing before (in order to prolong the kiss), but now I'm not (again) and I gasp a little, pulling him closer so he's practically straddling me.

He pulls away, and for a moment I'm scared that I've gone too far, done something he's uncomfortable with or that breaks the facade of 'close friends', until I realize that he's smirking and shoot him a flat glare. He continues to look extremely smug as he rolls his hips a little, making me suck in a breath and groan, before claiming my lips again. I force back a whimper as he kisses me insistently. I've never felt like this for anyone else before- I'm usually a lot smoother and more composed than this. For example: I usually can remember to breathe, at the very least, and I'm often the one who, you know-

Nate pushes my head back and attaches his lips to my collarbone, sucking hard. I moan loudly, because I physically cannot hold it back, and I can practically feel his smirk. He kisses back up my neck (careful not to leave bruises where it'd be visible) to my lips, where he takes control once more. I kiss him back, holding him as close to me as I can. He strokes his thumb over my cheek, as though reassuring me that he knows how badly I need him, and he's not going anywhere.

Unfortunately, we're interrupted by the sound of people nearing the basement door. Nate smoothly dismounts my lap and situates himself under my arm again, and I grab the remote to flick through channels (to make it look like we weren't just making out down here) just as the door opens.

I look up to see my sister with her arm around another girl (Jenna, I think?) who I've been seeing at our house a lot recently. Cora looks surprised to see us.

"Oh, sorry. We..."

I don't hear the end of her sentence because Nate is sneaking his hand up my thigh. I shoot him a look and try to listen to my sister.

"... let me know when you're done. 'Kay?"

I nod, and she turns, closing the door behind her (and who I assume to be her girlfriend). Nate gives me a cheeky smile. I roll my eyes, and in another moment he's kissing me.

Random update to celebrate you amazing readers! You're all so fantastic that I wanted to update early! Last chapter of Fine will be up tomorrow :)

What did you think of this chapter? Did 'close friends' mean what you expected it to? Thoughts on the movie night? How about Nate and Levi's conversation after? And Cora's possible girlfriend? Let me know everything in the comments!

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