Time Changes Things

Chapter 3

(Mer POV)

I hurried up to the scrub room and met Der- Dr. Shepherd there. "You ready?" He asked. "Hell yeah." I replied, eagerly scrubbing my hands. We both finished and walked in together. I looked up and saw Richard, Bailey and Addison in the gallery. "Dr Grey, you want to make the first cut?" Derek asked. "Seriously? Me?" I asked in astonishment. "Yes." He said, handing the scalpel to me. I grabbed the scalpel and meticulously cut over the lines. "Careful, be sure to stay-." He started before I cut him off. "Stay in the lines. I got it." I said. After I made the first cut, Dr Shepherd retracted the skin back and gave me the retractors to hold, making the brain and tumor clearly visable. "Okay everyone, it's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun." Dr Shepherd said. "10 blade." He said as he gently cut around the tumor, careful not to miss any of it. "Okay, there's some excess bleeding. Dr Grey, please get in here and pack it." He said. I gave him the retractors and grabbed some gauze and began gently dabbing the blood. I could feel his breath over my shoulder, watching my every move. He handed me back to retractors and began to dig the tumor out. "Good Dr Grey. Very good. You'll make a great surgeon someday with those steady hands." He said as I blushed. I watched as he steadily and carefully removed the tumor, placing it into a nearby basin. Right as I began to say something, his heart rate started to drop. "What's going on?" Derek demanded. "I'll start compressions." I said. I head over to the patients side and started pressing my hands on his chest. I watched as his heart rate monitor showed v-fib. I stopped compressions and put my hand up, watching the monitor. Right as the monitor shrieked again, I slammed my fist down on his chest. "We got him back." Dr Shepherd said as he watched me with admiration in his eyes. "Great job Dr Grey, that was impressive. Not many interns can do that." He said genuinely. "Thanks." I said quietly as he followed me back to the scrub room. I turned on the water and grabbed a soap packet. I started scrubbing, "You know, you can be proud of yourself. That was pretty amazing." Dr Shepherd said. "Okay." I responded blandly. "Meredith, what's wrong?" He asked. "Nothings wrong, I'm fine." I replied. Im getting pissed off. Why is he acting like he cares about me? I don't get it. "Meredith." He said as he looked at me sternly. "I just- I don't get why you act like you care about me and why you flirt with me all the time. It doesn't make since, and you doing this hurts me, okay? You give me wrong ideas and I just don't understand." I responded. He stared at me, wondering what to say back after my outburst. "That's what I thought." I said with tears in my eyes as I walked out of the scrub room, stopped by his arm pulling mine back. He pulled me into an embrace. My mind was telling me to pull away, but my heart wanted to stay. I cried softly into his chest and looked up at him. "Just because I'm not with you anymore doesn't mean I don't still have feelings for you. I fell in love with you and that doesn't go away overnight." He said as he released me and walked out of the scrub room. I stood in there for a minute and pondered what he said. I looked at my watch and it read 6pm. I figured that everyone was probably at joes by now, so I headed down to the locker room to change.