The Boy with Butterfly Tattoos (boyxboy) *Completed*

Zaki

A/N: Warning. Self harm is in this chapter. 

        Slowly opening his eyes, Zaki blinked a couple of times before his eyes focused in on his surroundings. His stomach started to tie up in knots when he realized he was snuggled up into Reese’s chest. Taking a glance down at the sleeping boys face, he started biting his bottom lip while looking at his peaceful face.

       Looking behind his shoulder he saw Piper snoring loudly while basically falling off the couch. When he turned back around he gasped when he saw Reese looking at him. “Good morning,” Reese whispered while tightening his hold around Zaki’s waist.

       “Morning,” Zaki whispered while looking into those deep brown eyes.

       “Did you sleep okay?”

       He was only able to nod, not trusting his voice at the moment. He watched as Reese slowly sat up straighter, bringing his body closer to his. Swallowing loudly, Zaki felt his breathing started to turn raspy when Reese slowly started to come closer to him. He had to bite his lip to keep the strange sounds from coming out of his mouth.

       The last time he had felt this way about someone was in the sixth grade when Ronnie Applebry had told him he was cute. Zaki remembered the way that Ronnie would smile at him and make his palms start to sweat. However before things could turn into anything Ronnie ended up moving to Alabama and had never heard from him again.

       Then there was Courtney Wheeler in the seventh grade, who had told him she had liked him for some time. He thought that something was actually going to happen with her until she decided to get together with Kevin Deaver, the boy with the glossy blonde hair, and he realized that Courtney was only being nice to him because of a dare. Zaki had realized that after Courtney he realized he had been attracted to both genders, even though nothing had ever happened. Whenever something seemed to happen, everything would seem to go downhill from there, especially after his parents’ death.

       Would the same thing end up happening with Reese? He thought that becoming friends with Reese would be difficult, but what if he started to have feelings for him? Reese might not even like guys; he seemed like the kind of person who was into girls. Hell, he might even be into Piper for all he knows.

       However he started to have conflicted feelings when Reese started to slowly come closer to him. With wide eyes Zaki watched as a thumb was lightly tracing across his cheek. Looking up into those dark eyes his breath started sounding like a rabid dog when Reese’s face was suddenly right in front of him.

       Before he had the chance to do anything about it, Piper was suddenly yawning like a cat behind him on the couch. Sighing, Reese gently rested his head against Zaki’s for a second before lightly kissing his hair.

       “Ugh god I’m so hungry,” Piper moaned from behind them.

       With a big sigh Zaki moved back against the couch, trying to get his breathing under control. When Reese got up to wander into the kitchen, he sighed while leaning against the back of the couch, wishing that these mixed up feelings would go away.

**

       After getting out of the shower, Zaki sighed while dabbing his face with the fluffy white towel hanging up on the wall. Putting it around his waist he ran a hand through his wet hair before opening the door. He had started walking out the door to get a new pair of clothes when he saw the pill bottle full of Tic Tacs on his dresser.

       Taking a deep breath he opened the drawer where all his happy pills were, their white surface staring back at him. Slowly lifting one into his hand he rolled it around in his palm, watching the way it looked so tiny while being so powerful. Was he really thinking about taking one of these? Realizing that he was actually thinking about taking one of them, he closed his hand around the tiny white pill that could end up changing his life.

       However when he was walking back into the bathroom to get a cup of water, he stumbled over a shoe on the ground and ended up falling into the wall. When he stumbled, his arm scraped against the door, exactly where a piece of wood was jagged and sticking out.

       When he looked down he saw blood was making its way down his arm, the piece of wood still sticking into his skin. Feeling tears build up in his eyes, he started to take the piece of wood out when he saw the tiny pill still in his hand, the one that was now coated in his blood.

       How was he supposed to take something that was meant to make him feel better, when he still doesn’t feel better inside? Throwing the bloody pill down into the toilet he then flushed, watching as the happy pill slowly disappeared.

       Looking up into the mirror at himself he continued making eye contact with the broken person in the mirror, while jabbing the piece of wood further into his skin. “Ah!” He yelled while falling down onto his knees, as tears were streaming down his face.

       It had been so long since he had done something harmful to himself, he had started to forget the way it made his pain go away. Yanking the wood out of his arm, he threw the bloody piece out of his arm before banging his hands onto the floor.

       This, this right here was why he didn’t deserve to feel happiness. Even after he finally had people who were starting to care about him, it didn’t seem enough. Nothing seemed enough. Staring down at the bloody hole on his arm, he watched as his tears landed on the fresh blood, realizing this was how the rest of his life would be.

       Falling down onto the ground he wondered why he even tried, no one would even miss him if he was gone. Staring down at his bloody arm, he realized he wouldn’t even miss himself if he was gone. Reese and Piper didn't deserve to have a friend like him; they deserved someone who was actually excited about living. They would never want to be friends with him again when they learned what he had done.  It was only a matter of time untl they saw what Zaki saw ever yday, he wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth having anything nice in his life, or even  a life at all.