The Boy with Butterfly Tattoos (boyxboy) *Completed*

Zaki

A/N: Warning. Self harm is in this chapter. 

        I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to keep taking up space in this world, Zaki thought while staring at his dead expression in the mirror. Even though the skies were bright blue and the sun was shining bright outside, inside he felt like he was in a black hole. He didn’t know why he had ever decided it would ever be a good idea to go to Reese’s house. It was a stupid idea, he thought before running his razor over his arm. And so am I.

        Falling down onto his knees he watched as a tiny amount of blood was making its way down onto his jeans, where it was hidden in the black fabric. Just like the real him, it was always hidden away. No one knew what he felt every single day that he keeps waking up. No one knew the pain that he caused to himself.

        Moving his legs out in front of him he looked at his frail body, feeling disgusted. All of the bullies at school were right; he really just needed to die already. Too bad he was so stupid he couldn’t even commit suicide right.

        Biting his lip his eyes zeroed in on a hang nail on his thumb. Taking a deep breath he grabbed the nail and quickly pulled down, instantly making him scream. Breathing heavily through his nose he looked down to see a huge stream of blood flowing down his thumb. Taking a deep breath he grabbed a tissue before throwing it across the room before it could come in contact with the blood. I don’t deserve something so pure and so white, to clean up my bright red mess of a life.

        Deciding to not wipe the blood off of his thumb he stood up on shaky legs, not bothering to put away his box of razors. Throwing a dirty sweatshirt over his head he slowly walked down the stairs. Passing by the kitchen he saw all five of the other foster kids sitting around the big kitchen table, laughing and having a good time. His foster parents were laughing with them, not looking like they cared that he wasn’t in there. Of course they don’t, who would want to sit around someone who thinks they don’t deserve to live?

        Silently walking past the kitchen he put his hands into his pockets, grimacing when his thumb started stinging. Ignoring the pain he continued walking down the street, silently hoping that he would get hit by a bus.

        Walking past all of the happy people and abundant colorful flowers, he stopped walking when he ended up at the end of the local dock. Looking at all the big boats that were docked he leaned against the railing, shielding his eyes from the bright sun. Letting his eyes wander down to the water, he looked at the blurry image of his face.

        Why did things have to turn out so badly? Why did that day ever have to happen? Covering his face with his sweatshirt covered hands he let his mind travel back to that day five years ago.

        “Zaki, stay back!” Looking up he saw his mom staring at him with frantic eyes. Glancing at the front of the room he saw his father standing by the door, a beer in one hand and a knife in the other. “Zaki, stay back now!” She yelled before standing protectively in front of his body.

        “Wh-what’s going on?”

        “Please Akoni, don’t do anything stupid.”

        “Don’t tell me what to do!” Zaki heard his father yell, making both him and his mother flinch.

        Taking a hesitant glance around his mom’s shoulder, Zaki watched as his father threw the beer bottle across the room, breaking against the wall. “I am so sick of you!”

        “I love you Zaki,” he suddenly heard his mother say while she turned around to give him a kiss.

        When her back was turned he watched with wide eyes as his father came running towards her, plunging the knife into her back. “Mom!” He yelled while watching her pain filled expression. “Stop, please!” He yelled again while trying to hold her up right.