Masquerade

Part Five: Edalyn Clawthorne

With a bit regained confidence I step out into the bright daylight.
A swift glance over the parking lot and I think I have spotted the car what should pick me up.
An old VW van, one of these old hippy things, painted in a light orange and also somethings written on the side.
"Edalyn Clawthorne Antiques and Curiosities"
Please not one of these esoteric mums again, please not, I don't want to be stuck with one of this sort for one year.
But I shouldn't judge just right now, maybe shes a bit nostalgic, would explain at least her store.

After approaching the car slowly, I knock softly on the window, the driver, she should be in her mid forties, just continuing to read a magazine, so I again knock.
"Hey kiddo I am waiting for someone, what is", she opened the car window,
"I am Luz Pittsburgh, Mam, I think you waiting for me".
She looks surprised and rummages in her car and finally reappear with what looks like a photo.
"On this one your hair is like ...", letting the photo fall, she gestures what maybe should show some length and settles then again,
"Well I shortened it a bit",
"That's a bit , yeah".
She shows me the photo and they gave her one from two years ago, seems like my face isn't marketable anymore, for no one.

"Well lets forget that one, get in, kiddo, I guess you wanna live yourself in a bit before having to go to school tomorrow",
"I guess so", the door is a bit rusty, but opens without a problem, even the seat is damn comfy.
"Seatbelt on?",
"Yeah, steady and safe", I pat on it and Eda chuckles a bit, a smile slowly appearing on her face.
Wait what have I done?
I curse myself inside, letting again slip myself.
"Can we go now", I throw it out with all the coldness and bitterness I can bring up.
Her smile vanishes and she looks at me with surprise, a bit hurt.
Well, now it also hurt myself a bit, but no emotional bonding, it helps with the pain if you leave or disappoint them, if you don't try to understand them, you can't feel their pain.

We stop in front of a row of shops.
"The apartments are directly above it, this is my little home" she says proudly,
"Looks nice, Mam", the answer comes out a bit more sarcastic then it should have.
She just takes it and smiles with a bit confidence, her gold tooth glistening a bit in the light.
As soon as she opens the door, a black Labrador sprints at us, a little skull on his head.
"Gosh, got it stuck again, King?", she kneels down and take the skull of his head.
"For some kind of reason he does it every time I leave, but if I hide it, he do all what it takes to find it",
"Cute", its really cute, I mean it, but for some reason it sounds again like I just belittle her.
"If you search for your room, the one beneath the roof", she tries again to smile, more desperate than ever.

A nice little room it is, not much place and furniture, but it isn't like I have to store much.
The bed stands under a dyed glass window, a round owl head and colorful fragments around it.
I chuckle at the sight, look like the cathedral of despair, my new home, for a rather long time.
As I sit down on my bed, a little creak tones, a candy and a letter laying on the pillow.
Now I'm interested.
Putting the candy on the nightstand, the over hand opens the letter.

"Hey kid, sorry if I wasn't very talkative on the ride home, but it's the first time, my try to adopt someone wasn't shut down, so I was maybe a bit excited to talk.
Don't think of me like a creep for this, but I always wanted to help someone who really needs it and could be rescued. So have fun, dinner is mostly around noon, 7pm or so."

In an impressive writing the letter is signed with "Eda", must her call name.
The letter is something new, hadn't one before, most of the time it was a direct talk after arriving at the house, straight to the kitchen table. It was a shit show every time, me drifting away and them explaining that becoming of their family meant.

I could unpack now, but just looking at my stuff let the feeling die down.
Falling backwards on my bed, I noticed that I was still in street clothes, throwing the sneakers just on the floor, it feels a little more like home.
It strangely emit a feeling of safety, also one of the first homes where I feel like this.

It feels nice, like coming home after a long journey.

Home.

My bowls cramp, I promised it to myself, never accept anything else than my real home.
But this is nice, I could overcome this shit here, couldn't I?
Eda looks like she really could help, this glance in her eyes, she understood me, even then I wanted to shut down, she knows how it feels.

No, she don't understand anything, nothing, I opened myself and it just brought misfortune over me, every time. It doesn't matter what I feel like, its not gonna succeed, I don't wanna get hurt anymore, by no one.
Clenching my fists I lay there, looking up to the ceiling, nobody gonna hurt me again, keep the hard shell, Noceda, it protected you every time.