Masquerade

Part Eleven: A dream

This day was a hell of a rollercoaster.
I sit by the window in my room and take a breather, throughout the whole dinner the silence dominated, even King seemed to respect that.
My hand slowly glides into the pocket of my jeans and gets the lighter out.
As I let my glance slide over night sky, illuminated by orange streetlight I take everything in.
Full moon.
A pull, a bit to deep, i just ignore the weak burning and stare out, in the shimmering night.
Even with this threat from Kippler, I slowly grow closer to this city, it strangely rewarded me for nothing, I didn't had to sacrifice something, no personal space, no freedom.
And then this encounter with, Amity, my heart speeds up a bit, some thoughts drift away, to her.
This own aura off her, this , indescribable feeling, god, I enjoyed this time around her somehow, she didn't do anything and I just watched her and didn't even thought about leaving.
My face sure as hell gets red now, why do I even consider this?
Dreaming again, letting yourself float in fantasy, a rich and popular girl like her, into girls?
And I'm not even close to the social class her parents would expect from the partner of their daughter.
I throw the butt out of the window, maybe I can become a lower part of her clique, but nothing more.

A slow dance over green grass.
Some flowers here and there.
My heart jumps from time to time, a snug warmth filling my whole body.
I hold someone's hand, smooth skin, a light pulse of warmth from it.
It feels safe, free, like the person would be a shield against everything.
I look up from the ground and look in a blurry face, nothing recognizable,
but I smile into it.
I have the feeling whatever it is, I can trust it, love it without boundaries.
Someone who loves me back.
I move my hand away from their face , make a bit space in this tight choreography and touch the persons nose, a chuckle coming from it.
It makes me smile, smile a honest smile.
"Wake up" it says with a soft voice and it moves it hand to stroke my shoulder, slow but steady,
"Time to wake up, Luz".

From deep sleep to soft slumber, is slowly awake, not the usual fast scare you get from the alarm.
Eda is kneeling beside my bed.
"Hey kiddo, time to stand up for school", I look for a moment at her,
"I had the best sleep in years tonight, Eda", she smiles,
"Good to know, kiddo, it's a good sign, isn't it", I don't have to look at her, she means it, by a lot.
Washing, dressing myself and the whole time the dream replays.
As I look in the mirror a sudden realization sets in, it mustn't keep being a dream forever.
Adjusting some strands of hair I look back at the reflection, I feel, satisfied with me, the first time since I cut my hair this short.
Ready for a new day in this life.

With a goodbye I leave, the birds chirp on trees lining the road.
Their melody comes close to a song, a song sung by nature, the world herself sings itself.
I like this mood, I enjoy things, I can embrace these feelings, letting them in.
On my way to the school everything got a shiny glance in my eyes, today all those coomon things seem so extraordinary and beautiful.
I stop a corner away from school, calming myself and trying to set up the usual set of characteristics.
"Just pull through, do it", I take a deep breath but cant really move my concentration away from the dance.

This warm embrace of the dance.

It moves something in me, something I can't control, suppress.
Looks like I Have to live with it for the moment.
I pull myself together and try as good as I can to meme myself.

Every single thing as always, entrance overcrowded, nothing special as lessons, but the first surprise awaits me in form of the same girl who brought me the invitation yesterday.
"Amity told me to guide you to our part of the campus",
"Does she always use you as messenger",
"Mostly, but I am fine with it".
She dribbles in front of me, guiding me along the whole way.
As the crowd gets thicker, she grabs my hand, a strange sensation running through my body.
"Some rough skin you have there",
"Why? Why did you just grab my hand?", she lets loose immediately, looking quite ashamed."Sorry, I am a bit to forward, am I?",
"Listen, nothing against it, but don't just touch me", she nods and proceed to guide me. A bit away from the crowd and with more silence, some benches stand under a tree alley, a mild breeze blowing amidst it.
"This have to be our new member", five people, among Amity.
"This is Luz, she will be maybe a more fitting member than, ..., Brian",
"Well, welcome, take a seat somewhere".
As I take a seat they continue a talk, looking around I try to et myself to remember the faces and the names I pick out of the conversation.
I can see Amity out of the corner of my eye, again doing something in her book.From time to time I can catch her how see looks at me and quickly resume drawing.
Suddenly someone comes storming towards us.
"Amity, Ed got himself some serious trouble, theres a fight going on".The whole group looks shortly startled but jumps quickly up and runs towards the commotion.
I couldn't respond as quick as they, so I start a bit late, but notice something.
The black bound book, and the pencil beside it, did she left it here or did she forgot.A sudden idea strikes, she wouldn't notice if I take a look, would she?