A Heart's Dedication

Chapter Eleven

The next few days were filled with chaos. Spontaneous titan attacks became the expectation for Y/N and her protector, it became so terrible that both of them flinched at even the tiniest noise that came from the forest. Levi, for the life of him, couldn't comprehend where they were all coming from, and vowed to return to exterminate them after Y/N was safely in the Harbor again. The two of them had also determined that no one from the Corps were coming; neither of them had left any traces or markers to where they were going, and the likelihood that anyone would find them by random chance was low. Y/N couldn't possibly ride anywhere in her condition, and Levi couldn't leave for very long or travel very far and expect her to live. The predicament that Y/N and Levi found themselves in was incredibly frustrating, to say the least, and because of that, the tension that had been absent was now starting to creep its way back into the camp.

Lack of sleep and aggravation was finally starting to show itself through Levi's behavior, something he had been hiding to keep the ailing Y/N from becoming stressed. Now, whenever he would talk to her, he only spoke of battle and her recovery, instead of the light-hearted things they had discussed and bonded over the last few days. Y/N desperately tried to change the subject, tried to lighten the mood, but to no avail.

Today was the thirteenth day since her escapade, Y/N remembered. Thirteen days since she had been here, in the middle of nowhere, with Levi. She had managed to rebuild her relationship with him more in the last few days than she had in the past two years, and now, that was being wrecked by their unfortunate circumstances. But she wouldn't stop trying to make him happy, to distract him from the trouble. She would hold up what was left of the tower of bonds she had built, not only for their survival, but for everything she believed.

She couldn't lose him again.

The only thing that had been good about the last few days had been another accomplishment in Y/N's recovery; she could now roll over onto her side without any assistance. Even though her body was still splinted and bandaged, this little movement filled her with pride. However, Levi hadn't quite shared her enthusiasm, he had simply acknowledged it and gone back to patrolling.

It was now late evening, past the time where the rogue Titans would be active; the sky was a deep blue, and cicadas sheened somewhere in the distance. Levi was cleaning his blades after another day of killing the inhumane, while Y/N watched, sitting upright. He had barely said a word to her since his return, hadn't even looked at her, and his apathy was starting to get on her nerves.

"Hey, do you want to put the blades down for a minute and talk a little?" She pressed, no anger in her voice, only politeness. She tried to lean towards him, but he instinctively jerked his body away from the gentle hand.

"Don't move, Y/N, you'll hurt yourself." He didn't look up, only scooted a little farther away. He looked exhausted, which was understandable, in addition to being focused and pristinely filthy. Still, Y/N had proposed a question, and she would persist until he answered it.

"That wasn't what I asked."

"...You know I can't work and talk at the same time, Y/N, let me finish this pair and then I'll stop."

"That's what you said six blades ago... Levi, you need to rest, even just for a little-"

"No."

That sudden phrase took her aback. It was so direct, so stark, so rude even, she didn't know how to react. But soon, her emotions recovered and her annoyance towards his attitude finally reared its ugly head.

"The hell is your problem? I'm just trying to get you to take care of yourself..."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you. Says the one who got so stressed out she completely lost all her senses and ran away to the shithole of the earth."

"Accuse me all you want, Levi, and you'd be right. But still, that doesn't change the fact that you are only human and you need rest-"

"I don't, I'm busy. At least not right now."

"Oh bullshit 'not right now'! You're emotionally and physically drained, even an idiot could see it! You'll just put off your self-care more if you don't do it now, so why don't you just stop and talk to me?!"

"No."

"Why? What are you feeling that I can't know about?!"

At that comment, Levi threw down his blade. "Fine, Y/N, fine! You want me to tell you how I feel?! Fine! I'm pissed as all hell! We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by man-eating bastard monsters from god knows where-"

"Well, whose fault is it that we're still stuck out here?!"

"Hm, gee, I don't know, why don't we ask the one who fucking ran away?!"

"Don't you even start that shit with me!"

"Oh no, you wanted this! So I will most definitely be fucking talking about it! You never run away Y/N, they taught us that when we were still in training! It's desertion, a capital offence! You did it because you're afraid of embracing the facts! You're terrified to think that I might be good, and that your precious 'brother' was the one who took a shit on your oh-so fragile feelings!"

"Shut your mouth!"

"You're gonna tell me I'm wrong?! The first days we were here, the ceremony, the night at the Maison, it all proves it! You can't help it!"

"You asshole-"

"Yeah, I might be an asshole, the worst asshole in the damn world. But at least I'm not a coward!"

Y/N's anger snapped.

"Excuse the fuck out of me?!"

"You heard me."

"Oh, and you think you're not a coward?! The one who follows the fool is more foolish than the fool himself. You had no reason to save me at all, other than to escape all those little shit kids!"

"That's not-"

"Oh, as you said earlier, 'that's rich!' While we're on the subject, why don't you fucking tell me; why do you keep coming after me?! Why can't I escape you? Why do you keep saving me, huh?"

"Because it's none of your damn business, that's why."

"Bullshit, Levi, you know it is!"

"Because it's fucking complicated then..."

"Is it? I doubt it! I can think of several reasons, tell me when I land on the right one! Was it for fun? Were you bored? Or do you enjoy stalking me, a living reminder of my past?"

"Y/N, stop it, it's none of those things..."

"Yeah?! Then tell me, what is it, Captain? What is it?!"

"It's because I love you!"

Time froze. Y/N's heart seemed to stop her E/C eyes fixed on the raven-haired proclaimer.

"Godammit, Y/N! The reason I can't stop trying to save you, the reason you're always on my mind, the reason why I even agreed to go to the damn Harbor... it's because I'm in love with you! And I always have been! Ever since the day I met you! I've always wanted to be by your side, always wanted to be there to protect you! Losing you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life! I can't handle that again! So I don't care if you hate my damn existence, if you want me dead, or even if you wish you'd never met me, because I know how I truly feel! I love you; I love you so damn much it hurts! But I don't care, because every moment I'm with you is a minute where I'm happy. I will never stop loving you, and I will never, ever, stop protecting you!"

A/n: That moment you realize you wrote such a long confession scene because you're single, lonely, and touch-starved as hell... (I wish this was a joke.)