A Heart's Dedication

Chapter Nine

"You have to eat, you pain in the ass-"

"No! Get that damn spoon away from me!" Y/N blurted, throwing a tantrum with as much energy that her broken body could use.

"You need to eat so that your body can heal, for god's sakes! At least drink some water-"

"No, leave me alone." She attempted to sassily and defiantly turn over and failed, but still wouldn't look at the man above her. Levi gave an exasperated grunt, but retreated, leaving the steaming hot bowl of porridge he had prepared for her on the log next to her. Y/N mocked the noise in retort, rolling her eyes. Although the creamy, soup-like substance did smell delicious, she would not submit to him in any way.

She had been with Levi in the forest for six days now, and a hellish experience for both of them it had been. Granted, the first three days, Y/N had been unconscious and on death's doorstep because of her attack; all she remembered from that time was shivering and biting her lip so hard it bled to repress the screams of over-excruciating pain in her throat. She had been awakened full-time three days ago, and since then, the two of them had done nothing but fight. He had saved her from...something. He had told her before, but she was only half-conscious, and couldn't quite remember for herself.

Levi had bandaged and splinted Y/N's body with what things he had brought with him, taking extra care to loosen the bandages so she wouldn't be in pain while she slept. He had taken care of the horses, the food, and the camp the entire six days and hadn't mentioned a word about it. She had no idea if the Scouts were looking for the both of them, but she hoped they were. She hated being taken care of, especially by her current companion. Y/N would never admit it, but just like most everything else, Levi was superb at caregiving.

She had refused all medicine and food from him the entire time she had been conscious just to prove a point, and now she was regretting it. Her stomach practically roared from extreme hunger and she felt incredibly weak, but she would not permit herself to be dependent on a murderer.

Levi had betrayed her. She couldn't forgive him... could she?

For the first time two years, Y/N's mind was flashing with doubt. Why wouldn't she listen to him? There wasn't a good reason anymore, she just wanted to be defiant. But that wasn't the main reason. She was afraid of what the whole truth would be. She had been so used to hating Levi over the death of Erwin, blaming him, framing him as the cold-blooded monster the rumors inside the walls said he was. She had never entertained the idea that Erwin might have died willingly... that idea was likely, but still alien to her. Was Levi really not to blame?

There were times during the night when the two of them would sit around the campfire, and Y/N would look up at Levi's face in the orange firelight. It was always stoic, just as she remembered. But deep in his eyes, she could see it; the pain and the regret. And although she hated to admit it, she felt pity for him.

Over the last few days, she had realized something; she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to pretend like the last months had never happened, and go right back to being by his side. Her anger hadn't eliminated her other feelings for him, only covered them up, and now the veil was being lifted. She wanted to move on past this more than anything else in the world, she just didn't know if she could.

She didn't know if she could give him her heart again.

On this sixth day, it was sunny. Y/N stared at the bright sky, back propped up on the log behind her, and wondered how she would even begin that conversation. Since her awakening, things had been exceedingly tense, and Levi only spoke at mealtimes and when he changed her bandages. When he would talk, it was nothing but negativity.

What would he think if her behavior suddenly did a one-eighty? What would he say? What would he do? Y/N shook her head, why was she even thinking about it? She tried to think about something else, but every time, her thoughts returned to the raven-haired Captain. Finally, it became clear, and Y/N made a decision. The only way to clear her head was to listen.

A few hours passed, and finally, about mid-afternoon, Levi returned to the camp. Under one of his arms was a fairly large pelt, presumably a bear, and over his shoulder was a sack of meat or game, judging by the little red dribble that came out from the bottom of it. He walked right past her, soundlessly, setting the bag at the base of the other log in the camp. He stood back up, then walked to Y/N's static body and wrapped her in the pelt. He had washed it, clearly, and he didn't hesitate to tuck it in around her like a cocoon.

"You can't keep wearing those shit clothes. This will at least keep you warmer and a little bit more covered up." His voice was monotone, empty, and when he finished, he stood right back up and made his way over to the fire pit to start a flame. Y/N hesitated to say anything at first, but with some newfound courage, uttered two tiny words, genuine and kind.

"...Thank you."

Levi stopped fidgeting with the flint for a moment, not looking at her, then went right back to work. His face remained neutral as usual, until he turned away. A tiny smile crept its way onto his face when he thought she wasn't looking, and subconsciously, a tiny grin made its way onto Y/N's face as well.

It wasn't much of an apology, but it was a start.

A/n: ...I'm too tired to come up with a witty comment.