She Said What?

Chapter 45: I Consider My Options

A/N: Okay, okay, taking forever again. Sorry about that. My life really hates me at the moment. But never fear, I'm still alive down here, so we're all good.

Some of you who reviewed were confused about why Lily couldn't tell James she loved him last chapter. It's because she didn't really expect him to love her back, because she's a thick, stressed-out teenager who really doesn't want a relationship at the moment. So she was taken by surprise and, considering their past history, wasn't sure what to say. But she'll respond. Eventually.

And you thought last chapter was the Big Scene? No way! The next chapter is the Big Scene. We just needed an awkward-as-hell push-off point to get us there. Sorry if that confused you.

So the format of the next few chapters (including this one) is – cushion, plot, cushion, plot, plot, plot, somewhat-plottish. And not all of it will make you smile. So be ready.

I actually rather like this cushion, though, as it includes two cameo appearances by Sirius, so I hope you like it too and will review when you're done!

Cheers!

March 2

Morning Status:

It's not going so well. Since James and I last talked (eight days ago), sleep has been incessantly punctuated by dreams I don't quite understand and I can't get out of bed in the morning unless Alice and Livvy take drastic measures.

But, on the bright side, I did get up this morning. Granted, I didn't get time for breakfast, so I'm starving, but I'm still awake and functional. That has to count for something. Right? Right? Right.

9:05 AM
Status: Drained

Wow. It feels like it's been a long time since I slacked off during Charms to write in this diary. Normally, I just write after patrol, because there's not much else to say. I lead a spectacularly boring life, when you really look at the facts.

Even now, my life is incredibly dull, despite the drama of my last James encounter last week. Busy, but dull. I've had homework across the board keeping me up to obscene hours, I walk around like I'm half-dead or something, and in return for all the breaks I've given James for Quidditch, I've been taking some time off of patrol to get some sleep, something I would never do under normal circumstances. That's how bad it's been.

Meanwhile, I sat Alice and Livvy down to talk one or two or three days ago to tell them what's been going on with the James situation. Typically, they went ballistic and Alice nearly had a heart attack – which, okay, I guess is expected, since she's been theorizing such a phenomenon for years and years now. I let her have her moment (or, rather, half an hour) to say I told you so, bounce around my room, scream at the top of her lungs (Livvy wasn't a fan of this bit) and generally piss me off, but then we had to get down to business.

The main matter on the agenda was really figuring out what I should say in response to James's confession. I wasn't kidding when I told him that this changed everything – because it did. And now I had to deal with the impact damage.

Alice, being Alice, told me I was being ridiculous. Once she calmed down enough to make a rational argument, she was of the opinion that this could be really good for me; this could be exactly what I need. She understood I was scared, but she said I had to get over that, because fear would only hold me down. She said I should stop being a coward and tell him that I love him back, because I do. I really, really do.

Livvy, being Livvy, agreed with Alice. She said that our relationship would be okay. She said I'm being a bit of a dolt, making him wait while I try to sort out something she doesn't feel needs sorting out; and while yes, she too understands how hefty this commitment is, she says I should get on with it.