She Said What?

Chapter 59: I Wonder Where to go Next

A/N: My apologies for leaving you guys hanging after the last chapter. I have final exams next week, so this week has been pretty crazy – I've had little time to myself with all the last minute tests and projects and what free time I do get is always tainted with exhaustion from everything else. So...yeah. Sorry.

But well, we are now at a Very Complicated Point in this story. I know it seems like Alice and Lily have suddenly just become friends with Livvy again, but it's more difficult than that. You can't forget how someone has made you feel, particularly when those feelings are bad. And that dilemma – wanting to go back to normal but not being able to put away the past – will surface eventually with these three girls. But not now, because I don't want any other drama eclipsing this one at present. So you have to wait for it – but it's coming.

We are heading into wild, emotional waters here, people. Be understanding (particularly with Livvy, who won't be quite right for the rest of this story), anticipate a lot of emotion, and be patient with me. This chapter was tough to write and edit - it's come to the point now where I've lost emotional connections with it and I was just editing it mechanically for phrasing - so I hope and pray that it still works for you.

Cheers.

April 25

3:30 PM
Status: Low

If there was ever a time to declare, "Today is the worst day of my life," then I would say this is it.

Today is the worst day of my life and there's absolutely no other way to put it.

This morning, I woke up with a jolt at five in the morning, breathing heavily and realizing I was drenched in sweat. It took me a moment, lying there in my bed, to remember what I was so upset about – and it socked me in the gut yet again to think about it.

Images from the previous night, sharp like photographs, were burned into my head – Dumbledore's face when he told us it was Russell, Livvy crying as she was, Alice looking helplessly at me and wondering what to do – and I found I was shaking again just thinking about them. Merlin, it was like coming back to that awful, awful evening all over again.

Taking a deep breath and using every ounce of self-discipline I possessed, I sat up in bed and noticed, with another jolt, that Livvy wasn't beside me and she should be. At once, I began to look around my quiet dormitory – and I found her a moment later, lying on the floor.

She looked dreadful, like a wet towel wrung out for water and still not dry. She was curled up in fetal position and seemed half-conscious, like she'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for hours. Her eyes were wet and so was the pillow she'd slept on, so I knew she'd cried. I felt bad that I had been too asleep to notice.

After a moment of watching her, she realized my eyes were on her and she met my gaze. There was a horrible deadness to the way she looked at me – she was blank, drained, and she didn't have any particular emotion in her expression. She was just...there and barely at that.

"Livvy?" I called her softly, coming out of bed and sitting beside her on the ground.

"Yes?" Her voice was whisper-quiet.

"I know it's a stupid question, but...are you all right?" I asked.

Livvy exhaled a tiny breath. "No," she said.

I bit my lip. "Okay," I said back.

Livvy curled in tighter. "I don't want to go to class," she said. "I don't want to move."

"I know, Livs, I know," I said as empathetically as I could for someone who had no idea what, exactly, she was going through. "But...maybe it would help to go to class. It would give you some normality, some order. You know?"