She Said What?

Chapter 51: I Take a Baby Step Forward

A/N: This should make you happy. It's like the calm before the storm finishes up. Then the storm finishes...then we come back to a storyline that I put on the back-burner for a little while...then we reach to a milestone you will be thrilled with...and then drama bigger than anything I've thrown at you yet will rock your world. It's really fun.

That reminds me...I need to finish outlining the ending of this story. I have no idea what I'm doing past Chapter 61. Eek!

But, for now, content yourselves out here. Like I said, it should make you happy.

Cheers!

March 14

11:00 AM
Status: Listless

Today is Friday, which marks the first school-week since Livvy and Russell broke up in the Entrance Hall. And to tell you the truth, it's been a pretty damn horrible week.

On the surface, it seems like things have evened out. James discovered Gryffindor was indeed going to the finals – by an extremely narrow margin – and in honor of this relief, he let his team off of practice for two weeks. Life is continuing on in its own way, homework is being doled out in huge chunks, and I am patrolling every night. Everything seems all right.

But it's just...not.

Livvy is quiet and withdrawn. After her tantrum on Monday during lunch, she has become something of a robot. She won't say anything unless she's asked a direct question. She spends most of her time staring blankly out of the window, not speaking, not moving. She will only finish her homework if Alice and I gently coerce her into doing it. In all figurative senses of the word, Livvy is gone and I can barely sympathize because it's her own fault.

Russell, now Livvy's ex-boyfriend, is much the same. During the day, he barely looks up from the papers on his desk. He won't talk either. He also hasn't shaved in a few days, giving him a worn, tired, scruffy sort of appearance. He's pale, like Livvy, and the two of them are a pair of lonely, depressed ghosts, so the same in their methods of grieving. It frustrates me that they won't try to get back together.

Their silence is affecting more than each other. Alice and I are quieter, unsure of how normal to keep conversation when Livvy coasts along beside us, looking like she's been drowned. I almost want to avoid Livvy, let her drift away from me and Alice and stop bringing our mood down, but that's absolutely horrible of me and I shouldn't have even penned it in this diary.

Messed up or not, Livvy is our friend. If Alice and I aren't on her side, who will be?

But still. It's frightfully gloomy being friends with someone who makes Moaning Myrtle look like the picture of health and happiness.

My days have been plodding along like a tired old woman this week, Livvy's misery coupled with my overabundance of homework bringing me down, and I dunno. I just wish something would happen, something that would light up my sky and make things somewhat okay again. I hate this calm, this lack of true resolution, the idea that we must all let our lives hang in prim serenity as Livvy wallows in her desolation.

Alice has started hanging around with Frank more and more. I'm prone to long spells of silence when I shouldn't be. Even patrolling with James, one of my best friends, has turned into a punishment, an hour or so of being quiet and avoiding his eyes, like I did when I wasn't sure if I was romantically interested him or not. I don't know what to say to him, since he played such a role in Livvy's fall from grace, and for that I remain mute. It's pathetic.

This is why I hate drama. This is why I hate having a social life. Because then something inevitably happens, as Livvy always loved pointing out, and then the dynamic changes. Someone is miserable and you are miserable with them and for them. You can't help it, you just are, and it's terrible.