She Said What?

Chapter 54: I Muse Upon my Society

A/N: All throughout the writing of this chapter, I kept telling myself, this is too cute. What's wrong with you, Zay? This isn't how real life is. But there you have it. Writing the relationship-ish stuff these past few weeks makes me realize that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Because I don't.

Seriously, full disclosure time here – I know nothing about this subject. I am a cynic. I'm famous for theorizing that love is a farce. I'm also famous for declaring I don't want to get married or have children. I've had a grand total of one crush my sixteen-year-old life – and that wasn't even a crush, merely a psychological manifestation of short-lived insecurity and curiosity. I have no close guy friends to speak of. Only one guy makes me feel kind of funny in the tummy and that's only me being stupid, since I don't even like him that way. I really don't know anything about being a girl in love.

And yet...here I am, writing about it all as if I have a right to. Life is a strange, strange piece of work.

This chapter, you should listen to: Sushi, by Kyle Andrews.

Erm...enjoy?

March 25

11:30 AM
Status: Listless

At long, long last, I can truthfully say that Saturday morning has finally come for me; and it is amazing how grateful I am to make it here. It's been a ridiculously long week.

Unfortunately, starting on Monday, the teachers suddenly realized that we only have a couple of months before exams start, and they took the liberty of lecturing us liberally for at least fifteen minutes before leaping into some complicated lesson plan or another. All week, we've had to wake up to the unpleasant reality that our future is waiting for us, coming for us, and we have to be ready.

I, for one, am not ready for my future. I've fallen into a rut. I'm bored and I'm listless. Livvy still isn't speaking to me and Alice, fed up of her attitude, is dividing her free time between me and Frank, pointedly and somewhat childishly ignoring Livvy as well. Through all of this, I'm trying to work, I really am, but I can't keep my focus long enough to do a good job. During the week, I live for the weekend; and on the weekend, I feel so awful that I almost long for the structure and activity of the week.

You know things are bad when not even the weekend can make you feel like life is worth living.

Days come and go, I patrol and do my homework, and things are chugging along. The weather has been moody of late, the skies blustery and then abruptly clear; but now it's finally started moving towards the clearer side, filling our classrooms with early spring sunshine and emptying our heads of any indoor thoughts.

And now...now it's Saturday.

It feels safe, coming into this Saturday. I woke up late – eleven fifteen – and I've been lolling about my dormitory. I'm still in my pajamas and I'm sure I smell gross. I haven't even brushed my hair – it's sitting in a curly mass on top of my head and it desperately needs a wash. But you know, I don't even care, because it's Saturday and I don't have to be anywhere and OH BOLLOCKS I JUST REMEMBERED.

I do have to be somewhere. I have a date today. With James. At noon. And it's ten minutes to. And my hair is a grease factory.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

I'd best tell Alice to head James off and tell him that I'll be a little late. Don't want him to think I'm standing him up or anything. Then I have to wash this hair of mine. Merlin, why did I let it go so filthy? It should be bloody illegal. Do I still have shampoo, or did my bottle run out? I remembered to get more, right? Damn, why don't I think these things through?!