Through the Lies

Chapter 11

Mare

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tw: miscarriage

Life is a nightmare after the banquet. I try to spend all of my time in the Kings suite, but during the rare occasion I do leave, the ladies of the houses somehow sniff me out.

They bombard me with questions about my baby they know the answer to. Girl or boy? Who knows? Burner or electricion? Obviously burner. What do you think it will look like? How the hell am I supposed to know?

They pretend to be excited when they really aren't and it's infuriating.
Even Elara has begun the act. Giving me tips on being a good mother, saying things like, "When I had Maven."

Well that's brilliant, but "When you had Maven," you also tortured and destroyed his mind. She had walked out quite upset from that comment.

My nightmares get worse every night. I've woken up screaming so many times, the Sentinels don't barge in anymore.

I've seen everyone I love die so many times, I don't even know what's real or not. I keep expecting someone to die right front of me and then wake up screaming. Maven is worried.

He told me I should ask a whisper to get rid of them, so I can sleep for the baby. I told him no, and that I need to fix whatever is wrong by myself.

"Did you feel that?" I ask Maven after we get in bed one night. His hand was resting on my stomach when I felt the baby kick for the first time.

He looks at me in awe, "Was that-?"

I smile back, "I think so."

We fall asleep that night holding each other, and happy, not wanting to wait for the future.

The sword in his hands looks hot. The hilt slowly turning to liquid with his feverish touch as he takes another staggered step toward me.

I stay still, never breaking eye contact as he slowly approaches me with my doom. I think of the gilded sword, ceremonial, but sharp. If there was a way to get rid of it-

Another step, Mavens eyes flash around, looking for a way out of this, but deep down we know there isn't one. We've seen this before and we both know how it ends.

I watch him as he tries to make the hilt melt faster as one more step is taken. The molten metal drips down his fingers and arms, searing at his skin.

Panic surges through me as I feel tears streaming down my face.

"It's not you, I know it's not you Maven."

He gasps for air and sobs; we both know that the metal won't melt in time. So instead of fighting the control over my body and mind, I memorize Maven.

His black hair was longer and in need of a trim, the ends curling a bit. His icy blue pierce into mine, as I try to make him believe this wasn't his fault. His silver and ruby crown nestles on his head, glinting with the medals and ribbons on his chest.

Tears blur my vision as I see his arms raise, bringing the sword with them. The blade gleams in the air for a moment, hesitating. It is at this moment I meet eyes with him again, one last time.

"I love y-"

The blade interrupts me, cutting through flesh and bone.

I realize the distant screams I hear are coming from Maven, as I watch him drop the sword and fall to his hands and knees in my red blood.

The sword clatters to the ground along with my crown, echoing through the great throne room with his screams and cries.

The smell of blood fills my head, but I don't feel sick, I've grown used to the smell. It has plagued me every night for months.

This is the part I wake up, screaming and crying in Maven's arms, but I don't this time. This dream is different.

Usually, I watch someone I love die, but this time, it was me.

Rather than awaking, the throne room swims in my vision, eventually fading away. The only thing remaining is Maven's cries.

I close my eyes as my head begins to throb. I gasp for air and I begin falling; falling I don't know where because I can't open my eyes.

I see bright light behind my eyelids as my ears start ringing. Every sense, every nerve is filled with a new kind of sharp, cold, pain.

My throat is raw from screaming and my body doubles over as I fall through the air. The last thing I remember before waking up is a sinister, bodiless laugh.

I wake up already screaming, already crying, and already sitting up. Maven grips my shoulders, eyes determined to wake me up and then relieved when I do.

Lightning I didn't know I was using fades away, causing the lights in our room to flicker off again. The pain subsides everywhere but my lower stomach.

It feels like I've been stabbed.

"Mare-"

Maven's words are cut short when I bring up my hand, covered in red blood. His eyes go wide and my breathing starts coming in sharp gasps.

I feel my head spin as a sharp pain bursts in the same spot in my stomach and I clutch his pale wrists, staining them scarlet. I hold onto him, trying in vain to keep the black spots from consuming my vision.

"Help! Sentinels, NOW!" I hear Maven roaring to the closed door when everything finally goes black.

The lights wake me up. Fluorescent and blinding and hanging above me. I sit up and find myself in the infirmary of the palace. A nurse from House Skonos walks by the opening of my curtained room, unnoticing.

The pain is completely gone, and I almost feel relief. But there is an emptiness in me that I know no healer can fix.

The reality of my loss doesn't hit until I hear the sobs. Someone is speaking outside my room, trying to get the King to pull himself together.

"There is nothing you can do about the baby Maven, the only thing you can do now is stay strong for Mare. Snap out of it child," Elara's voice is harsh.

I rest my hands on my stomach, remembering the violence of the nightmare and the pain of the miscarriage.

Tears come, but not in sobs like I would imagine. They quietly slide down my face as I think of a baby with black hair and blue eyes, or maybe brown, like mine. Would it have been a boy? Or a girl? Silver or Red?

I'll never get to know.

After I've laid back down, someone takes my hand and I open my eyes. Maven sits in a chair next to my bed and hasn't bothered to wipe the tears from his face.

He doesn't meet my gaze, staring at my flat stomach where our baby used to be. The small bump is already gone, all traces of life extinguished.

I take in a rattling breath and close my eyes again; there was really nothing to be said.