Through the Lies

Chapter 12

Maven

"I should've listened."

Mare's voice wakes me. I had fallen asleep leaning on her bed in the infirmary.

"What?"

She sits up and stares at me, looking exactly how I feel; defeated.

"I should've listened to you, and got rid of the nightmares."

I shouldn't have said it. I regretted the suggestion the moment it came out of my mouth.

"Mare-"

"No. I should've gone to Elara and ended it all. Maybe then-" Tears fill her eyes and her voice breaks, "Maybe then the baby would have been fine."

"It wasn't your fault Mare," I say firmly, trying to get her to listen. "It was no one's fault at all. It's the worst, because we have no one to blame. But sometimes these things just happen."

* * *

Mare has been sleeping in the Queen's suite since the miscarriage. Mother says everyone copes in different ways, and hers is apparently to isolate herself. 

The two of us have taken a leave from the court since the tragedy. I practically live in my father's old study, finding a strange comfort in doing my work there.

Maybe because he went through the same thing multiple times before finally having Cal and I.

I can't imagine losing another.

I push the thought of my brother away, along with the guilt that comes with him.

Stop it.

Someone knocks on my door, tearing me from the prison of my mind.

"Enter."

My mother walks in and sets an envelope in front of me.

"What is this?"

"A letter from Mare. It was found on her bed this morning."

I stare at it for a while, honestly afraid of what it says.

I am going home. I can't be here any longer and I need to see my family. I'll be back in a week.

I love you,
- Mare

I sigh and set the letter down, trying to collect myself.

"Are you alright, Maven?"

I don't have the energy to be sarcastic.

"No."

She says nothing. Not expecting me to actually be honest.

Tears I beg to stay away appear, falling onto the desk.

Mother sees, but still says nothing.

I look up at her and whisper, "Make it go away."

Her eyes darken, "We've done this before Mavey, you know I cannot.

"Mother please," I sob, "Just try."

* * *

Mare

The landscape going north is barren. My transport follows the Capital River, heading toward the Stilts.

Snow covers the ground in patches, beginning to melt into the beginnings of spring, revealing dead grass underneath.

It takes around 5 hours to get to the Stilts, and when we do, I barely recognize it.

The small town that was once practically a slum, is now flourishing. New buildings had been built in the town square and others rebuilt.