Tamed

17

Somethings wrong. I can feel it. But I cant seem to place my finger on what it is exactly. I can't tell if its something to do with the mate bond or if its to do with the pack. Or maybe I'm just going insane. I really wouldn't be surprised. 

Ever since Ash gave me that speech I have been better. I have gone back to my Alpha duties and I no longer mope around twenty-four seven. Although Alex still crosses my mind now and then but I think I have started to accept that she doesn't really want me and that she isn't going to accept me and I'm okay with that. I mean its not something that I want but if thats what she wants, if its what makes her happy, I need to accept her decision. I need to move on with my life. I know there is something that I need to do though, I need to find a Luna. My pack can't go much longer without a Luna. 

It's too soon though. I can't just go out and find a replacement for my mate. No one will ever be able to replace Alex but maybe I can find someone who will be good enough for the pack. Maybe I can find someone who will be good for me and the pack. Someone who can mend my broken heart. 

Alex still hasn't rejected me which is making this so much harder because I have all this hope that she will when I know that hope will just get crushed. She needs to reject or accept me because I can't stand around waiting for her forever. I said I would but I can't stand this anymore. I need to move on with my life. I need to let her go. But I can't just drop my feeling just like that and that is a problem that I will have extreme difficulty with. 

I can't stop myself from thinking of the future we could have. We would get married and have pups. She would have been appointed Luna of the pack and we would have been the best leaders. We would grow old together and watch our grandchildren run around our house. I would love her for eternity. 

I have to stop myself from thinking about these things because it was making the tears well up in my eyes. Alex was right, she has caused me pain but if she came back she would make it all go away. She just has to say three little words and then she can make all the pain go away. 

I love you. 

Thats all she needs to say. And it's what I need to hear. 

That feeling of queasiness hasn't seemed to slip at the slightest and I still can't put my finger on what it is. Just incase it is Alex in trouble I get up in search of my best guards, but I can't seem to find them anywhere. Then I remember telling them that they could have a day off a week unless I needed them for an extreme situation. 

I think of calling them and telling them they need to find Alex and report back to me but I need to let them have their time. After I've been a crappy Alpha I need to let everyone have some time to themselves because everyone was practically running the pack while I was in bed moping. So instead of searching for them right at this second I decide that after will be  a better time to do it leaving them to have a little more free time. 

I walk into the kitchen to see Charlie siting upon one of the black stools eating what looks to be cornflakes. 

She looks up at me when I open the fridge and the surprise is evident on her face. "Sam your up!" she blurts out before covering her mouth in embarrassment "I mean Alpha! Im so sorry that was extremely disrespectful" 

I smile at her embarrassment, "It's ok Charlie. You can call me Sam. Your mate is my Beta." 

She smiles back at me "Its so good to see you up and doing stuff again. I mean I understand that your going through some things but it's nice to have a leader again"

"Well I plan to stick around for a little while longer. I need to stop moping around all the time and embrace the future" I nod my head listening to my own advice.