Tidal Moon (Renesmee & Jacob)

Chapter 23: Realization

I stood by the door for a few minutes after Carlisle left, just trying to catch my breath. Jacob had stopped screaming which was a relief to me since my heart splintered with every scream. I walked into the kitchen and washed the blood off of my hands, only then noticing how badly I was shaking. I took another deep breath and made a conscious effort to steady my hands. I wiped them off with a paper towel and tossed it into the trash as I walked into the bedroom.

Jacob was awake and seemingly heavily sedated. His eyes found mine and he gave me a weak smile. I sighed and walked over, sitting next to him and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He said, his voice raspy and nearly gone from the screaming. I picked my head up and looked at him in confusion.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I demanded, slightly angry with the notion that he could ever even imagine me being upset with him. How could I look into those eyes and feel anything other than unrelenting love?

"Another fun fact of an imprint, the wolf, aka me, can feel the emotions of the person he's imprinted on. I've always been good at controlling it, but I can tell how hopeless you feel right now, and I can also tell how badly seeing me in pain affected you. So, I'm sorry." He explained. I took a moment to absorb the information before speaking. Well, it did make sense. Especially in explaining how growing up he somehow always knew when I was frustrated or angry.

"Jacob-" I whispered, cupping his face in my hands.
"I'm not mad, I could never be angry with you. I'm angry with him. I'm angry with myself, but never you. I would do anything for you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, there will be days that you will probably piss me off. But not today, Jake. This is nothing you need to apologize for." I pressed my lips to his warm forehead and closed my eyes.

"You deserve better, Nessie. I'm really not worth it." He said in his weak voice.

"Jacob Black!" I yelled, pulling away from him. His eyes widened and he went to reach for me but the pain in his chest held him back as he groaned in pain.

"I don't want to hear that! This isn't some romance novel and I am not a damsel in distress. I am just as powerful and capable as you are. I spent these last few months afraid that I had no choice, and I came out of that realizing that I control my fate. Not you, not mom, not dad, not my family. I control it. I control this. And, I choose you. I don't deserve better, that's such a stupid thing to say and I know for a fact that you're smarter than that. Jacob, I love you more than I've ever loved anything before. I don't even really think love is an adequate word to describe what I feel for you because it's so much more than that. It consumes me. I don't deserve better. What I deserve is the man in front of me." I yelled the whole time, slowly getting louder with each word. By the end of it, I had tears in my eyes.

"Leaving this town really changed you." He finally said, eyes still wide but a smile tugging up the corners of his perfect lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I crossed my arms stubbornly wondering what he could possibly be smiling at right now.

"You used to be timid and shy, so much like your mom. I know it's a weird comparison based on the past. But you are so different. You are fiery, headstrong, and so passionate. I've never seen anything like it." He was fully grinning by this point. His smile began to fade, but not fully.

"Is that a good thing?" I questioned, still standing across the room from him.

"I love it. I love you." He laughed.
"Now come here and let me hold you, Ness." He whispered in his irresistible voice. I couldn't hide my small smile as I walked back towards the bed and cuddled up next to him, careful not to lay on his injuries.