Dear Ocean Sky

Chapter 7 | Kata

10/2/16
Dear Sky,
The callbacks list came out today. I know most people on the list, there were only two names that I was surprised by Carson and Alex. Carson's been in some productions before and I'm pretty sure he's in the top theatre class, but he's never scored a very good role. He is talented though. I think Alex is new this year. We share a few classes but I don't really know anything about her. I know she's in my ILA class, I think we also have math and science together. She seems pretty smart, and she's one of those kids that just sit through class, trying to not be noticed. She's a quiet, soft-spoken person so I'm surprised she got a callback. Generally, quiet people are also quiet onstage. So while they may be a great actor, if you can't hear them then what's the point? But hey if she can be loud onstage then I applaud her.

Anyway, I really hope Aadya or Rose gets the lead. They're both good actresses, and easy to work with. They're my friends...kind of. I'd love to spend more time with them, but I guess once a friendship reaches a certain point I start putting up walls. I don't try to, it just happens. Most of the time I end up taking out some sort of anger on them, even if it's not their fault that I'm mad. I hate that I do that, but I don't know how to stop it. For some reason, I never let things out on Katie though. Maybe that's because I've known her for longer than any of the other people I talk to. Or maybe it's because I feel like we're real friends. At least most of the time. But besides, even if I wanted to get close to someone there's always Mother to stop me. I hope you can hear me rolling my eyes through the page, Sky.

The sad thing is, even with Katie I don't have anyone I can really talk to. She never seems to take my side when I need her to, which has been a lot lately considering...nevermind I don't want to write about this. But I'm literally talking to a notebook right now! Or maybe I'm talking to the Sky. Who knows? I do talk to the Sky whenever I go outside. I like to think that whenever I say something it gets stored in the clouds. Like every word I say matters and gets held onto. I feel comforted by it. The Sky knows all my secrets and keeps them safe. Whenever it's raining out, I like to think the Sky is crying with me, and when it's sunny out, it's putting a warm comforting hand on my shoulder. I know it's stupid, but I guess that's why I call this journal Sky. It sort of does the same thing for me. Lets me get everything out. Yeah- it's really really stupid. One day I'll look back on this and laugh I'm sure, but what else am I supposed to do? It's not like any person will do that for me. I have to make my own friends.

How do I always end up talking about my problems in these entries? I really don't mean to. This entry was just supposed to be about the callback list and how excited I am for rehearsals to start. Which I am- excited that is, I just have a hard time focusing on good things when there's always some bad thing in my head. I don't want it to be like that.

I'm going to set a goal for myself. Right here, right now. My goal is that when rehearsals start, I will only write about my problems in every other entry, instead of in every entry like I have been doing. I know it's not much, but it's a start. I'll try to keep getting better as I go along. That reminds me, I thought of another thing to add to my list.

List of things I can do once I'm free of my mother's control:

Go up to the mountains

Do theatre whenever I want

Make a friend that I can talk to about these things.

~

10/3/16
Dear Sky,
I had my tech interview today. I knew I liked theatre, but I think I'd forgotten how much I liked it. As soon as I got backstage waves of memories washed over me. I literally couldn't stop smiling. I caught up with Zoe and a few of the other techies before it was my turn for the interview. I went in and I was just myself. Not trying to be perfect. Not trying to be what other people want me to be, just being me. It felt amazing to do that. I wasn't even nervous really because I knew that I had been working towards this. I want to say that I'm proud of myself? I worked hard and prepared whatever I could and then I went in and let the forces of nature take over.

Mr. Benj seemed really happy with me, I think I might actually have a chance at being stage manager this time. By the time my interview was done, I felt like if I jumped high enough I would start flying. There was nothing holding me down.

I hugged all the techies much to their surprise. I know they've never seen me this happy, and heck, I can't remember the last time I was this happy. I just felt like the sun's rays were coming out of me and I wanted to warm everyone around me because all that joy was too much for me to handle.

The only time my smile faltered even a little bit was when Mother came to pick me up, but even then I wasn't tethered to the Earth. I felt like I was floating everywhere I went. I still feel like that.

I'm not even nervous for the crew list to come out, because whatever position I get, I'll be doing theatre. As much as I would like to be the stage manager, I just want to go back to my home. To the stage. I missed it so much over the summer, it was so good to be back for even the short amount of time that I was there.

I know this feeling can't last forever, but it can last for tonight and that's enough.

***

A/N: Sorry guys, I know this chapter probably wasn't super interesting I just had to put it in for reference to set up more of the story. I promise the next one will be more interesting :(

Thank you all again for reading my story, it really means a lot and I'm so grateful for all of you!

-Sunny <3 <3 <3