Dear Ocean Sky

Chapter 13.2 | Kata

Kata lied on her bed, reading a book that her mother had given her, insisting that it was a classic, and saying that she didn't want anyone to consider Kata uncultured. Kata was honestly at her wit's end with the book. She knew "Alice in Wonderland" was a classic and all, but she didn't understand the appeal. For her, it was like reading a fever dream. However, she would much rather be reading than having to do more random math assignments that her mother kept seeming to find in various places online.

As Kata read, she started thinking about the day's events and quietly humming to herself without realizing it. She thought about Alex and how she enjoyed being around her. It made her happy. Alex's whole demeanor made her happy. She still wasn't exactly sure what had come over her when she decided she wanted Alex in her group for ILA, but she was glad she had because that meant she got a month to get to know her better. Neither one of them seemed to have too many friends, so maybe they would be good for each other.

She thought about Mr. Faist and Mr. Benj, how happy they seemed together. Though she would never dare admit it to anyone, she wanted that for herself one day. It didn't have to be a romantic partner, in fact, Kata didn't think she wanted it to be a romantic partner, just someone who she could make happy, and they could make her happy just by being around each other. Kata wanted to feel like she mattered to someone. She wanted to feel cared for. Whenever things got really bad, she wanted someone to be able to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn't, but she would believe them. Sometimes you have to believe a lie in order to get by. However, she felt weak for thinking like this. She wasn't supposed to need anybody. She could do things for herself.

Kata's humming increased a little bit in volume. If you were sitting next to her, you could make out what song she was singing.

Kata's mind turned to her encounter with Hunter and his friends. Her friends. Her only friends that she might have a chance of keeping.

Kata had been just fine with her group of friends before middle school. In elementary school, you don't realize if you're different from someone else, and even if you do it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're friends. Once you hit middle school, however, there's pressure to fit in. Pressure to be what everyone wants you to be. At first, this didn't bother Kata in the slightest. It only started bothering her when her friends started noticing. The group of girls Kata liked to hang out with started becoming more interested in boys and makeup than playing kickball or soccer, and the boys started realizing that they didn't have time for "the weird tomboy" anymore. Both groups stopped inviting Kata to things, and only let her sit with them at lunch or occasionally in class with the price that they would constantly remind her that she was lucky to be there. When Kata was in elementary school, she never understood why the boys and girls never played together because she thought it was fun to be around both groups of people, but when her two friend groups merged in middle school, it made things a whole lot harder for Kata considering the fact that they only came together so they could start dating each other.

Kata couldn't understand the obsession with dating in middle school. She was pretty sure most of them hadn't kissed each other or even gone on an actual date. They were just together to say that they were in a relationship. What Kata did understand was that after her friend groups merged, she became even more of an outsider than she already had been. Then Hunter came along and all hell broke loose.

Part of Kata told her to find somewhere else to sit at lunch and in certain classes, just so that she could break all ties with the group, but the other part of her was too scared to. It's not like they ever said anything to her that wasn't true. They weren't doing anything to her that she didn't deserve. Besides, it wasn't all of them. There were some that would come back for her when no one was looking. There were some in that group that was still Kata's friends. There was Kate.