Basketball And Kisses

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen: Distancing Myself

I looked at myself in the school bathroom mirror, I was honestly starting to possibly regret my decision. Did I really not want to distance myself from her?

No. I need to distance myself. I'm getting too close to her.

I shook my head along with my thoughts away. I needed to do for both myself and I guess her as well. I needed to do it. I washed my hands a second time and exited the bathroom.

I was surprised that no one was in the bathroom considering it was recess and a good amount of girls went there to just hang out and gossip.

I knew I would need to distance myself from her, slowly. I can't right away or else she'll notice it. So for today... I'll be extra quiet but not too much and I'll just get more and more quiet and stop hanging out with her.

I felt like part of my brain was telling me that this was a bad idea. That I shouldn't do it. That she's pretty much the first person in years to show us interest.

But I needed to do this.

I needed to do this for myself. I needed to distance myself because the closer she got the more uncomfortable I felt. The more I began to doubt myself, the things I said, etc. I was also becoming protective over her. And I didn't like that.

I didn't like how also one side of me craved that attention she gave me. It craved for her to hold my hand again. It craved the confidence she had around me and how she felt so comfortable around me. How she felt comfortable being herself around me and I got herself got out of her shy zone. I hate how she makes me feel warm around her. I didn't even know what all this meant.

And I didn't like it.

I saw her by the tree, and I knew that when I distanced myself from her. I wouldn't be able to hang around my favourite spot anymore and would have to find another one.

I sat down next to her, and slumped in my sit to give her a signal that I didn't want to talk. And she understood it, when I was in one of these 'moods' she didn't expect me to talk and I was fine with her talking.

If anything I would listen to her just talking about random things. And here she was talking about the most weirdest and random things. She was pretty much talking to herself.

She literally wondered that 'if you ate a fairy... would get powers.'

Like how would that even work out? Last time I checked fairies aren't real. And the fact that if they WERE real I'm sure they wouldn't give powers. And wouldn't it be weird to eat one since they have like similar human features? And why would you even eat a fairy to begin with?

I guess... it's a good conversation starter? And if that sentence is even a sentence to begin with.

0o0o0

It had been a few weeks since the beginning of distancing myself. And it worked... for the most part. She was beginning to notice though which I expected.

I mean she isn't stupid. She's anything but stupid. She's quite intelligent although she can be weird but she is a good weird...

I just hope that after I'm gone she finds some other friends. Good friends. Friends that she deserves and not someone like myself. Someone who distances themselves from others because they ant stand closeness.

And I hope those people can appreciate how she is and not be a dick to her. I mean although I'll be gone in a sense... I'll still deal with Lilly and whatnot if they mess with her. I did promise to protect her and I do somewhat keep my promises.

I just want to lose the closeness if anything, and once I get there, I'll decide what to do next. I could either still be friends with her or fuck off and honestly... I don't know what one to choose.

I'll decide when it comes and the time will be soon.

And I don't know how I would even respond to the question if Diana questions me. Do I just pretend that I'm not distancing myself? Do I lie and say I have been busy with school work? Because that's technically not a lie since I have been busy with homework and whatnot. Do I skip the question entirely? Do I pretend that I didn't hear her? Do I just ignore her?

Fuck. I didn't think this far and honestly I'm disappointed that I haven't. I normally plan things out, and honestly this was beginning to become a bit stressful.

My two sides of the mind is constantly battling each other on whenever or not I should distance myself or not. And it was kind of eating myself up. And I knew that once I distanced myself it would get better. It would be better for both herself and I.

She won't have to deal with someone like myself. She can find actual friends. Friends who care. Friends who won't be a bitch like myself.

I won't have to be close to someone and it wouldn't make me uncomfortable. I can go back to being an emotionless piece of shit. No one else will be my 'weak' spot. Even Diana knows that she's my 'weak' spot. So who else knows? Who else is willing to use that to their advantage?

I can't let myself be taken advantage of again. I can't.

I also can't allow someone to be close to me. But what if I want someone to be close to me. What if I do. What if I don't.

I clenched my eyes and teeth together tightly. I gripped the bathroom sink to where I know my knuckles will be turning white. This was stressing me out.

It was beginning to be my downfall. And I needed to pick a side and I knew that I needed to distance myself. I knew that I needed to no matter how much I wanted to stay with her.

I chuckled darkly.

You think after a few weeks of distancing that this would be easier. Apparently it's not. And I hated it. Why was this so god damn fucking hard? Why can't I shut off my emotions like I used to be able to? Why does myself not want to shut her out?

Why can't my fucking mind figure out why?

I heard the bathroom door open and I opened my arms and straightened my back. I saw Diana and we both stared at each other.

I knew that she was figuring things out. I knew she was.

"Hey," She whispered and I looked at her. I didn't know what to do so I just did the first thing that I thought of.

"Hey."

0o0o0

QOTD: What are your thoughts on Quinn?

A/n: Thank you all for 600 reads on this book. I appreciate it so much!

Next Update: 5th Dec