In Our Nightmares | TordTom

Chapter 22

Tord's POV

I felt my eyes began to water "It's easy" I said and brought the knife over to my stomach "Just do what you did to them" I repeated to myself. My voice breaking ever so slightly

I gulped and brought the knife forward before pulling it back into my stomach roughly. My eyes widen as pain surged through my stomach going through my body. I resisted the urge to pull it out or let go "J-just gotta d-do what I d-did to them" I stuttered with a cough and I twisted the knife

I felt more pain surge through my body. My legs got weak and it was getting hard to stand. It's hard. But it'll be worth it. I coughed as blood started to fill my mouth. I couldn't stand anymore and I fell to my knees. I pulled out the knife and then slammed it back into me

It hurt so much. But I know it had to be done. I could feel the blood start to drip from my mouth. I twisted the knife again, making more pain. I choked on my own blood and started coughing. I slowly let go of the knife and grabbed my gun that was on the floor

I glanced at my door. I was in the Red Army. And I think if I shoot it'll alarm anyone near. I grunted and slowly layed back against my bedside. I put the gun to my side and put my finger on the trigger. I stared at the door. Three shots. I can do it. They're just going to come as fast as they could..

I pulled the trigger and let out a pained groan. I could feel the tears falling and mix with my blood. I felt so much pain. But it wasn't enough. I brought the gun to my stomach, where I didn't stab and shot there. I know someone must've heard it by now

At least I have the door locked hehe.. I felt my breathing get slower and harder to keep normal. My eyelids began getting heavy making it harder to keep them open. It hurt to just breathe. I sat there, slowly bleeding out. I looked at my door when I heard someone try to open it

"Red Leader? Red what happened?" A panicked voice spoke. I recognized it. It was Patryk's

I smiled weakly. My parents. I'm sorry. But this is what I deserve. This is what I get for hurting them. Just, forget me.. I know Paul's there too, and I know he could break down the door. So I'll just shoot myself before he can

"Tord? Please answer me!" Pat cried out "Paul is going to break down the door" He said his voice filled with worry

I'm sorry guys.. I love you both... But I loved them too.. Goodbye guys... I lifted the gun to my head weakly and put my finger on the trigger. I stared at the door in tears as it was broken down. Paul stood there with Pat behind him. Their eyes widen and they teared up when they saw me

"I-I'm just g-getting rid of a d-distraction" I stuttered out weakly and pulled the trigger, a loud bang rang through the room but was cut short when everything went black

I bit my lip roughly and hugged myself. Would I do that to myself? I don't know. Do I think I deserve that now? Yes. I do. Do I feel like I'm a distraction? Yes. I rubbed my cheeks as tears fell. I looked over as I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Matt

He moved over next to me and hugged me. I hugged him back tightly and started crying. Tom let out a quiet sigh and moved over hugging me as well. Another pair of arms wrapped around me, I knew it was Edd. He was the only one who didn't hug me yet

I felt safe in their grasp. I miss them so much. I want to be with them for real. I want to hug Matt. I want to give Edd a hug so he'd be happy. I want to be with Tom. I want to be with them all. I slowly calmed down and let go of Matt

"I-I'm so sorry.." I stuttered

"It's ok Tord" Edd said "It's ok.."

I pushed myself away from them "No! It's not ok! I fucking won't ever be ok!" I said "I hurt you all! And I probably changed you all from what I did!" I yelled as the tears came back "I don't deserve to be forgiven" I cried "I-I don't d-deserve it.."

The guys were all shocked from my sudden outburst, I was a mess, I'll admit it. But it's true. I don't deserve their forgiveness

3rd Person's POV

"Tord-"

"Matt stop, don't even try" Tord said interrupting him and looked at them all "I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve your friendship. I don't deserve you guys"

When Tord said those last words a memory started playing behind him where he said those words. But he didn't realize since he was to busy crying and trying to talk. And plus, this memory played to where he wouldn't hear it until he sees it. The memories kept changing to fits the words as he spoke

"Why do I need to become the next Red Leader?"

"I never wanted to hurt any of you!"

"I don't fucking want to be Red Leader!"

"But I was forced to..."

"Red Leader, if you don't do as I order I will do it myself. I order you to kill those 'friends' of you're, and I will if you don't" Tord's boss said "Then, I will take your own life"

"I didn't care if he killed me"

"Got that?"

"But he would've killed you guys if I didn't do it"

"Yes sir"

"And it would've killed me"