Infinity

Birthday

The rain is falling heavily outside and i shiver as it makes its clear rivers down my window. I grab a hoodie out of my wardrobe and pull it on as i pack my third suitcase. Surely i do not need this many things for one tour but i've been given strict instructions from Harrys manager, now mine too i suppose, Jeff. I look up from my suitcase to see Harry stood in my doorway, he looks like he's feeling the chill in the autumnal air too, dressed in jogging bottoms and a hoodie - of his own merch. "Niall text - they are on their way. Do you reckon we should get changed?" He says pulling at his jumper and taking in my appearance too. I scrunch my nose and shake my head, "Nah bub. We're just having a chilled evening for my birthday they wont mind. Plus all my nice clothes are packed!" I laugh although I get the deep despair at the bottom of my stomach at turning another year older and this time being ever so closer to 40, "34... how did i get so old?" I look up at Harry who is smiling at me with my favourite dimple on show. "Stop it love, you definitely don't look 34 i promise you." He moves towards me and puts his arm around my shoulders, "Plus you're only as young as the man you're feeling. And I'm only 29!" He laughs and i do too then i realise what he said and i playfully push him away. "You fooking wish!" I say between the laughter. He laughs more now putting his head in his hands making me roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. He sees me and suddenly stops. "So we're just not going to talk about the chemistry between us anymore?" He says raising his eyebrow at me and smirking. I sigh heavily.
"No Harry we are not going to talk about the chemistry that you think we have." He stops smiling at rolls his eyes.
"Sure love. Whatever helps you sleep at night." He winks and walks out of my bedroom. I pick up the pile of neatly folded clothes and start to look through them then stop for a second and throw them back on the bed. It's been 4 months since i sang in front of Louis and he decided that he couldn't do anything about the way that i feel, 4 months of him talking to me like I'm just an acquaintance during interviews and rehearsals and not forgetting the fact that he is STILL with Eliza. Harry and i have become close again - something that i had no doubt was going to happen and neither did anyone else. I will always have a connection with him and i will always have the same heart beating fast reaction whenever he gets too close to me. Sparks have been happening between us but those little moments have only been exactly that... little moments. Although i know that Harry wants more i am still not wanting to enter a relationship with him as i know it will end up with one of us getting hurt. Lana agrees with me after many, many conversations over the same thing, "I could love him again." Lana sighs and rolls her eyes.
"Paige whoever starts a relationship with the words i could love him again doesn't deserve to be in a relationship." I huff and putting my elbow on the table and resting my chin in my hand. "I know but he is so..."
"Handsome? Good looking? Fit?" Lana makes suggestions.
"Kind and loving is what i was going to say Mrs Horan." I raise my eyebrows at her.
"Sure P." She says with a chuckle.
"I mean, those things help and he is amazing in other aspects too." I sigh and then I wink at her making her laugh more.
"Well, its still not a good enough reason."
Lana, of course, is right. No one should go into a relationship thinking they could love the other person and our history isn't exactly spotless, in fact I'm still slightly angry with him breaking off our engagement even though its been almost two years. Harry will make a perfect Husband to someone one day but i don't think it will be me. The doorbell rings bringing me skyrocketing back to earth. "Paige! They're here!" Harry shouts up the stairs to me and i close my suitcase, still not packed fully, and make my way downstairs. "Oh, I didn't know you were coming..." i hear Harry say as he opens the door and I'm halfway down the stairs. I keep walking and then am greeted by Eliza looking absolutely stunning and like a barbie doll about to go on a night out in London and then Louis, looking so incredibly good in a polo shirt and tracksuit bottoms that my mouth drops open. Eliza eyeballs me and i close my mouth promptly then realise I'm in my joggers but its too late to turn around to get changed as Louis sees me - his eyes lighting up and a smile spreading across his face. "Happy birthday Paige." He says and i smile at him. Eliza looks from me to him and then barges past him to go sit on the sofa a few meters away. Harry looks up at me, his eyes puppy dog like, i smile and nod at him and he goes to join Eliza. I make my way down the last few steps, "I didn't know you were coming."
"Liam invited me." He says shrugging.
"Ah." I say looking up at him with my hands behind my back i begin to walk towards the others, "Well thank you for coming i guess." He grabs one of my hands and pulls me back. I'm so close to him i can smell his hollister aftershave and the smell of cigarettes... my heart beats fast. "Also luv, its your birthday and i don't think I've missed one yet." He smiles at me, "Oh apart from the one that you were engaged to Harry in LA." He covers his mouth as he laughs. I playfully smack him on the arm - he bats me away.
"You're hilarious!" I say poking my tongue out. The front door opens and hits me in the side. "Ouch." 
"Shit, sorry!" Lana curses as she enters into the house, of course she would never ring the bell or knock - I'm sure she thinks she's going to walk in on something and as she looks at the scene playing out in front of her she smiles wide happy with her prize, "Didn't mean to interrupt. Louis didn't realise you were going to be here."
"Liam invited..." We both say together and then i finish the sentence for both of us, "Him." Lana nods and then looks back and forth between us before pulling me into a hug, "Happy birthday P!" She says loudly and once in my embrace whispers in my ear, "Tell me everything later!" I nod. Niall enters now with Josh in his arms, "Oh there is my gorgeous godson! Hi buddy!" Niall hands him over quickly.
"Careful though P, he's been a right lil' shite all day." Niall says.
"Oh i don't believe it! This cute little dude? Never." I say making a face at Josh who smiles a drooly smile back at me. Louis is next to me and making faces at him too. His eyes move between the two of us and i bounce him slightly on my hip. "What have you been doing today Joshy?" He makes cute little baby noises, "Oh really little lad? All of that?" Louis coos at him. I watch him and i cant help but smile at his interactions with Josh and I look up to talk to Lana but i realise she's already left to talk to Harry. "You're a natural P." Louis says and i look up into his sky blue eyes, so much of me just wants to pull him closer to me. To have the contact between us - right now theres so much tension, "We should go join them." I say quietly before making my way towards the others - Louis nods and follows me.
"There you three are!" Lana says and Josh makes a small squeal and smiles at her. She takes him from me and he smiles up at her some more. Louis leaves me and goes to join Eliza on the sofa furthest away from me. I try not to look at them and I catch Harry's eyes instead, he looks annoyed - i stand next to him. "You okay?"
"Yeah, what did he have to say for himself?" Harry asks.
"What do you mean?" I frown at him.
"Well he just turns up uninvited..."
"Liam invited him. Plus he is my friend and wanted to see me on my birthday." I whisper quietly and Harry scoffs loudly.
"Friend? He's hardly spoken to you and then knows exactly how to make you go all school girl crush again." I look at H knowing that he is half right but still feel slightly angered at him, "Look, P I'm just looking out for you. I don't want you to be lead on by him, i saw you both gushing over josh..." i feel the anger rise in me again.
"I don't need you to look out for me. You're not my boyfriend!" I regretted that as soon as it left my lips as Harrys beautiful green eyes became hurt. I walked away and plonked myself on the couch next to Niall sighing heavily as i did so. "P, you okay?" He asks and i look around the room at all my friends. Lana playing with Josh in the nook, Harry watching me still with hurt eyes, Eliza sat with her legs and arms crossed hoping she could be anywhere but here and then Louis, who is also watching me curiously - I'm sure he just saw the exchange between me and Harry. "No, Nialler. No, I'm not." He looks at me and then hands me his car keys, i look at them in the middle of my palm, confused.
"There's a present for you in the car - its a bottle of rum and theres a blanket on the back seat." He shrugs, "I'll cover for you. Don't be too long though, Lana will know you're gone." I smile at him and kiss him on the cheek. "Harry! You haven't shown us your man cave yet? I know you're latest juke box arrived the other day?" Suddenly everyone was filled with excited chatter and Harry starts leading everyone towards the cellar. I grab my coat and head out the front door only to bump into Liam. "Shit. Sorry, they're all going to the man cave, I've gotta get something for Josh that Lana left in the car." Liam frowns at me confused but soon walks inside and towards the noise. I push the button on the car and shiver into the light jacket i grabbed on the way out. The rain has stopped, thankfully, but the chill remains. I pull open the passengers side and fumble in the dull light for the gift and blanket that Niall described. I find them within a few minutes and put the blanket around my shoulders as i walk through the side gate to the back garden. There's some solar lights out there so its lit up slightly and i make my way to the swing seat next to the pond. I open the rum and take a swig - i feel it go all the way down to my belly warming me up. I sigh as i begin to hear everyone singing loudly to the jukebox. I look up at the stars whilst taking another swig, "I wondered where you had gone." I jump at Harry's voice.
"You found me." I say slightly slurred, this is what happens when you drink on an empty stomach at my age.
"You alright love?" He asks concerned. I shrug dramatically and take a longer swig from my bottle.
"Clearly." I retort and he sits down next to me on the swing, i hand him the bottle and he takes a swig just as Lana is singing, out of tune, to steal my girl in the cellar. Harry and i look at each other and start laughing, a bit of rum dribbles down his chin and we both just continue to laugh. Proper big, belly laughs and I'm not too sure how long we were laughing for but we stop and Harry wipes a tear that is escaping down my cheek. He puts his hand under my chin, my heart beats fast as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear then his lips touch my softly almost testing me, i give in to him and pull him closer to me by placing my hand on the back of his head and grabbing at his hair, he moans into me and he kisses me more urgently. "They want you inside." I hear a familiar voice and i freeze, Harry moves away from me quickly, his eyes wide in shock. I look towards Louis but he's already walking back inside, "Louis!" I say quickly getting up and running after him. He turns around so quickly and i almost run into him, "Woah." I laugh and sway slightly on the spot.
"Wot?" He snaps.
"I can explain what that was."
"You were kissing him." He crosses his arms across his chest and i shake my head.
"Yeah but it was like nothing..." I start.
"Didn't look like fooking nothin'" he snapped back, gritting his teeth together. Just like earlier i get a surge of anger.
"Why do you care?!" Harry asks the question for me. Louis looks from me to H and back again then shrugs.
"I don't." He walks down towards the cellar.

I watch Louis who's jaw is still set in a rigid motion and he keeps running his hand across his mouth, something he does when he is annoyed, Eliza has her arms crossed, annoyed, over her chest and now she looks like she definitely does not want to be there, Lana nudges me her eyes full of tears at Niall singing a love song and i take another shot of sambuca that Liam just poured for me. "Woah, P, maybe slow down a bit?" Harry suggests. "You slow down a bit." I say motioning to Liam to pour me another one he looks at Harry, "Don't look at him Liam James Payne... do as you're told!" He raises his eyebrows and pours the drink. Niall finishes his song, makes his way back to us and motions for Liam to pour everyone a drink. "Guys come here." He motions to Eliza and Louis and i roll my eyes, Niall holds his drink up, "To our gorgeous P. Happy Birthday!" We all bring the shot to our lips but before we can drink them Louis speaks, "And here's to Harry and Paige back together again!" He shoots me a look and then shots his drink.