Infinity

Broken Dreams and Magic

We can still hear the crowd screaming as we climb back into the tour bus. We are all buzzing as it is the last gig of the European stretch. I have been dragged backwards through the press after someone leaked that Harry and i were, sort of but not really, dating. Then whenever they see me out with any of the other boys, including Niall, I'm branded a home wrecker or a slut. We are going to be heading onto the American part of our tour but before we go there we are heading to Barbados for some much needed relaxation time and what's even better is Lana is coming too. Josh is in the capable and eager hands of Sandy - Lana's mum. It will be nice to see my best friend for a much needed holiday. It's been a super hard month and since telling H about the Louis situation nothing has really happened on either front. H is respecting my wishes and Lou never spoke of that night again - right now we are just clinging to being on talking terms. My heart breaks a little bit more everyday and i feel like I can't breathe sometimes, mostly when he laughs or smiles or genuinely looks in my direction like he's doing right now with his eyebrow raised. The butterflies flap in my stomach and i can feel myself getting hot. Someone knocks on the door to the bus and i quite happily run to answer it. "Oh, hi P. So the bus has a puncture so we are just having to call out someone to get it changed. Two hours tops they've promised." The new runner, Kate, says to me. She tries very hard not to look me in the eyes and looks completely fed up. "Thanks Kate. I will let the boys know." I smile at her and she smiles back. I close the door and turn around to see the boys staring at me.
"Bus has a puncture. Will be a little while." I shrug and Louis stands up quickly.
"Going for a cigarette then." He says rubbing his hands on his thighs. He brushes past me to get to the door and raises both eyebrows to me as he does. He doesn't shut the door behind him so i take that as an invitation i look back at the others quickly before following him and i notice that Harry is watching me. His eyes look pained but still i walk out the door. I shiver in the night breeze and then fine louis leaning against the back of the bus. He offers me a cigarette and i take it, he looks slightly confused and i roll my eyes. "Stress." I say shrugging. He nods his head, i begin to cough and remember why i don't usually smoke. Louis chuckles, "Didn't think it suited you luv." He says looking at me, his eyes are shadowed due to the Doncaster Rover baseball cap on his head but i know he's smiling so hard that the crinkles by his eyes have formed, by butterflies flap around happily. "Yeah, well one more thing i suck at right?" I throw the cigarette to the floor and stomp on it angrily, "Just what am i meant to do? I get dragged all around the country on a tour I didn't really want to come on, i then start a relationship or whatever the fuck it was just to have you turn around and tell me your single and kiss me then ignore me! Someone leaks that I'm back with H and if I'm spotted with anyone else they i get branded a slut... on top of that I've gotta live with the fact that you still don't want me and Ive broken H's heart in the process. I've lost the joy in singing and i really, really want to go home." I can feel tears welling up but i refuse to let them fall. Louis is watching me, he throws his cigarette to the floor, takes off his hat and before i even know what's happening I'm in his arms and he's kissing me. Well, i... fucking... wish. Instead he nods, "Well none of us would hold it against ya if you left." He pats me on the shoulder and heads back onto the bus. I sigh heavily, has it really come to this. "P?" Harry is calling for me. Part of me wants to hide away but instead i answer him,
"Present!" I say trying to be funny.
"You okay?"
"No. After Barbados," i take a deep breath to keep the tears at bay, "I'm going home. The tour is over for me, i can't hack it." Harrys brow furrows and he looks both angry and confused. "Why?" He asks.
"Too many reasons but mostly because my life really fucking sucks right now and tour is not where i need to be. I'm sorry." I go to walk back towards the bus but Harry grabs my hand, i look at him and he spins me into him. "You are amazing. You are better than all of those idiots who don't know how amazing you are. They are jealous of you, your talent and your kindness. You need to stop worrying about everything and try to relax because once you relax," He holds my waist now and pulls me close to him which makes my heart beat fast, he begins to move me, "You realise that theres always something better out there and magic everywhere." He spins me out and pulls me back to him - we're dancing.
"There's no music." I say look up into his green eyes.
"So make your own." He looks deep into my eyes and i sway with him now. I'm not sure how long we are there for but as we are dancing i feel my mood lift. I forget about everything bad that has happened and remember the good, the laughs we've had so far and the bond we've all created. I don't see the people running around us fixing the puncture or even when Niall comes to see if we are okay, its just Harry and i, doing what we do best - being in our own world. "Ahem." Someone clears their throat behind me. I turn to see Louis hanging off the bottom step, "we're ready to go now." He says and i see the AA guy standing not too far from us. Harry kisses the top of my head and lets go of my waist but still has my hand firmly in his. He leads me back to the bus and as we get on Louis looks up at us from his bed, he rolls his eyes dramatically then puts his headphones in before turning over and facing the wall. "What's his problem?" I ask Liam.
"Not sure to be honest, he went outside and when he came back in he had turned into a right asshole." He shrugs.
"Weird." I say, grabbing my pjs and walking to the tiny bathroom to get changed. When i come back out everyone is in bed and the bus is moving. i climb into my bed and look up at the ceiling. I listen to the sounds around me, the soft sound of the engine, Liam's humming as he's listening to music, Niall's snoring, Harry singing softly and then the music coming from Louis' headphones. I keep playing what Harry said in my mind - theres magic everywhere, even on a crummy old tour bus which smells of old farts, i have a man a few feet away who loves me and a man who hates me. Yet here i am, realising that maybe i actually love being here after all surrounded by these boys who have quite honestly are the reason i even have magic in my life.