Infinity

Same Mistakes

Lana looks at me with a disapproving look, "You did what?" I look down at Josh who is asleep once again in my arms. I put my finger up to my lips as Josh stirs and Lana rolls her eyes. "We kissed." I repeat myself for the 2nd time.
"Paige i warned you yesterday not to do anything stupid and here you are sat in my living room telling me that you fucking kissed Harry!" She looks angry. "It was just a kiss." I say to her.
"A kiss isn't ever just a kiss." She says looking at me, i frown confused, "A kiss is hope. If someone kisses someone and they get kissed back then that's it! They think that person likes them and then kisses lead to feelings and feelings lead to sex and then sex leads to regret." I'm sat there open mouthed. "Lana!" I say shocked.
"What? I'm only being truthful. Do you want to be with Harry in that way?" She asks me. No one has actually asked me that directly since we were engaged. "I feel safe with Harry."
"That's not what i asked." She gives me a look and i open my mouth to speak further when the guys start walking through the door, i close my mouth quickly.
"No but that's a start." I say quietly for only her to hear and she rolls her eyes.
"Sorry love but its getting on a bit, i know James is calling soon?" Harry says to me quietly so he doesn't disturb Josh, he looks down at him with nothing but love in his eyes and my heart beats faster. He would make a brilliant father one day. Lana nudges me, "Give him here." I snap out of my trance and hand Josh back to her. Harry holds his hand out to me to help up off of the sofa, my butt and legs are numb from sitting still because I didn't want to disturb the baby. "Thanks," i say taking it and then tripping over my own feet as i get up, Harry catches me and chuckles. I right myself and glance at Lana who is giving me a look, i look away quickly, "Sorry H." I say and he shrugs because he's used to it now.

"So where are you?" James asks as I'm on conference video call with him, "it looks familiar." He says moving in his chair to look behind me.
"I'm staying with a friend." I answer.
"Who though?" He asks.
"Is that important? Did you get my latest sketches?" I ask changing the subject.
"Yeah i did they look great. Is it back to normality now? Are you coming back to LA?" I frown and look around the room I'm sat in. England is more homely to me, especially because its where my friends are and even though I'm not the most important thing to him at the moment, its also where he is. "No plans to at the moment. Sorry. I can look for a job here if you would prefer?"
"Oh no! Of course that's not what i mean, I don't want to lose you - is it not just easier to be closer to work?" He laughs.
"Hey P, do you want a tea? I'm just making one?" Harry asks and i sigh. I look at the screen and James jaw has dropped.
"Is that Mr Styles?" I roll my eyes and Harry smiles at me. He motions to ask if i want him to come on the screen and i nod.
"Hey James." Harry says as he sits next to me.
"So you've got Paige as a live in then?" James says chuckling.
"Yeah, something like that." Harry says nudging me. James grins at us.
"It's nice to see you together. Look Paige, i will just email you everything over. You guys enjoy your afternoon together." He winks then disconnects. I stare at the screen. "I think he thinks...." i begin and Harry nods next to me.
"I think he does too."
"But i mean we're not..."
"No." I nod in agreement, "Unless you want to?" My heart stops, "Of course you don't. It's fine. I'll make that tea." Harry starts to get up off of the chair and i grab his arm quickly. He looks down at me, his green eyes sparkling and his brown curly hair flopped over his eyes, he smiles and his dimple appears. He bends his head down to me and kisses me softly, he does feel safe, just like I had told Lana, he's my safety but i know that its not fair on him. He moves his hands to my waist and then I pull away, he rests his head against the side of mine and breathes heavily in my ear, "I'm sorry." He whispers gently and then he's gone. I watch him walk up the stairs smiling and rubbing his finger across his lips. I rub my hand over my face, why would i get myself tangled up in this again? My phone vibrates next to me and i check the number, Louis.
"Hey Lou." I hear a variety of mixed noises in the background - he's in the street clearly as theres traffic noise but i can also hear the annoying voice of his barbie girlfriend. "Hey P, so you know we are going for dinner in like half hour? Well i told Eliza and she wants to tag along... that's cool right?" My mouth drops open, seriously?! I was hoping to get Louis on his own. I roll my eyes, "P can you hear me?" The phone background gets quieter. "Yeah, sorry. Of course its fine." I say then suddenly get an idea, "Oh its cool, H wants to come along too."
"Oh," Louis says, "Of course. The more the merrier."
"Yeah, like a double date." I make my hand into a fist and hit myself of the forehead.
"Right. Yeah. Cool, see you in a bit then." He hangs up. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I run upstairs to find Harry, I find him in his bedroom. He's sat on the edge of his bed playing his guitar, he's humming a tune and trying to find words to it. I lean on the doorframe watching him, he stops suddenly and starts singing a familiar tune, "You said you cared and you missed me too and I'm well aware i write too many songs about you." He strums the chords and then he sighs heavily, "All of them pretty much P." It makes me jump and i hit the door which makes a bang. He looks at me his eyes wide, "Oh, hey. I didn't realise..."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. It sounded beautiful." I say trying to recover.
"Thanks, I've been working on it for a while and i just cant quite find the words." He says.
"Isn't that always the way? Sometimes its hard to find the right ones like sometimes i wish i could just say the words that i would never say." I smile at him and he frowns, "Anyway, i came up to ask you if you want to go for dinner?" Harry smiles at me and nods.
"Sure, where we going to go?"
"Well its a double date actually." Harry stands up to pack up his guitar and looks at me, "With Louis and Eliza."
"Oh. Well that sounds fun."
"Yeah, we need to kinda go now though, is that okay?" I look at him from underneath my eyelashes and he grins at me then rolls his eyes.
"Yeah love, of course. Let me just throw on a shirt." He slowly starts to take off his jumper and i see the tip of his fern leaf tattoos. I watch for a little while and then turn around embarrassed. Harry taps me on the shoulder a little while later, this time with a Hawaiian shirt on which he's left unbuttoned so that his bird tattoos and the top of his butterfly tattoo can be seen. The butterflies in my stomach dance around happily, "You ready P?" He asks smiling, I close my mouth and shake myself out of my trance then i nod.
"Yeah, lets go."