never the same

chapter 18

LUCIFERS P.O.V 

Shes dead 

Shes gone 

The love off my life is dead because off mem, i killed the most selfless beautiful an caring women in this world along with my child.


Sin an the Doctor is trying to get my attention but i cant hear them its like me body has turned its self off ignoring everything an everyone, its like im stuck in my own head caged in by the pain iv caused my self an everyone around me, feeling that tears slowly roll down my cheeks i ball my fists up trying to feel anything but its no use. im not in my own body anymore im not in charge, like someone else has possessed my body making me be caged in by them trapped in my head wanting the voices to stop shouting at me, telling me i did this telling that i will never have anyone like her again telling me how worthless i really am for not being a man an standing up to the life i chose for my self but ran so hard to be away from it for what to be told shes dead no longer on this planet.

I cant hold her in my arms anymore i wont see her smile here her laugh, she wont be the first and last thing i see in the morning an at night, she wont be there to tell me everything is okey and that we will get through is together because thats what people do when the are so in love, she wont stroke my face when im feeling stressed she wont be there to make me laugh when im angry sad or fed up, she wont be able to hold the baby she fought so hard to keep safe throughout the kidnapping. she wont be here 

standing up i go to walk out an do what im best at, run run as far away as i can just like iv been doing my whole life, she was the only reason why i stopped in one place the reason why i wanted to settle down the only reason why i know what it feels like to be truely loved an cared for but she isnt here no more so whats the point of sticking around, what to remind everyone that im the reason why she is dead why the cant see her face anymore or talk to her when they are struggling, to face Hunter who has been on a mission to show Infinity that he is different an that he has changed. shes gone! 

Opening the door off the room i start making my way down the long crispy white hallway full off nurses rushing around doctors holding clip boards telling families good or bad news, seeing people crying holding each other while they wish for there loved ones to be okey, just as im about to reach the end i hear a a scream that made everyone stop an look up the long hallway i turn to see but there was nothing but the scream came again an i new exactly who that scream belonged to. 

Running full speed pushing everyone and anything out my way i follow the screams to a room full off panicking nurses an doctors trying to figure out what is wrong with her, i see her little bump with our buddle off joy inside growing, putting my hands on the handle ready to go in when i come to a halt, what happens if i hurt her im the reason why she is in so much pain, a hand comes to touch my shoulder
" go in she needs you, ill be here when your ready to leave" 
i look to see Sin with a small smile on his face trying to give me that extra bit off courage to go in an face up to my responsibilities. 

Barging in i ignore all the doctors protesting against me being there the nurses trying to push me back out the door, knowing that she needs me i push all off them off me grabbing her hand pushing her hair out off her face stroking her face whispering anything an everything in her ear to help her calm down, 
" baby come on im here for you and the baby that you will meet because we both need you please wake up i need to see you eyes" 
the doctors just stunned staring at me with all full of shock i keep a hold off her hand squeezing letting her know im still here and im not leaving her this time or ever again. 

I dont know how long iv been sat her staring at her with her wishing with every nerve brain cell every bone inside me that she just wakes up, she opens them eyes an look at me with the love i need with the care i need, putting my hand on her small bump i smile through the tears that havnt fallen
" hey my smartie i cant wait to meet you i cant wait to hold you an watch you grow up me an mummy love you" 
feeling her finger move i shoot my head to look at her wondering weather it was just me needing that little bit of support from her or that she is actually going to wake up now, i put my hand back on her belly 
" come on baby we have a child who needs you i need you i cant do this alone i need you to help me please baby" 
resting my head on her cold hand i feel my eyes slowly closing not before i whisper i love you to both my smartie an Infinity.