Another life

Im sorry but I can't

HAPPY NEW YEAR 🥳🎉 WHAT IS YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION? I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT 2021

Louis POV
"Hey Anne" I say as I walk though the door. "Hey bug. How was school?" She says while wrapping me into a hug. "It was okay, same ole same ole" I reply wrapping my arms around her. Anne gives the best hugs. "Do you need help making anything?" I ask while Anne pulls away. "No sweetie I don't want to set my house on fire" she says with a laugh. "Hey that wasn't my fault, Gemma helped too" I reply jokingly. "You were on ft with Gemma that doesn't count sweetie" she says laughing even harder. "Wow you only invite me here to make fun of me, I see how it is." I say cheekily. "Oh hush you know I'm just teasing" she says and pinched my sides. I squeal and run away. Anne smiles then says "Dinners ready". We sit down and I smell the spaghetti. "Anne have I ever told you I love your spaghetti?" I say moaning as the fool touches my tongue. (Not like a sexual moan but you know when you eat food and you make that mmmm noise because it's so good, well that sound) "I don't think you have, will you tell me again?" She says jokingly. We finish eating and make our way to the couch. "What movie do you want to watch?" She says. "Uh Toy Story duh" I say with a smile. She chuckles then put the movie on. "Hey bug" she says and I turn to look at her. "Yeah Anne?" I say. "How are you really doing?" She says. "Honestly not good. Moms constantly picking up hours at the hospital and barely being able to pay the bills, the girls never want to be home and when they are they lock themselves in their rooms, I've been so insecure and have felt useless and worthless, I feel bad that I'm using Jaz so people don't find out I'm gay, and it's hard Anne really hard seeing him again and I know he's your son but I just hate him so much but a part of me still loves him and I wish I didn't. It's also really hard to see him with Zayn and I can't help but hate myself for it" and when I finish I'm sobbing in Anne's arms. "You don't need to be insecure you are beautiful. I'm sorry about your mom and sisters, you are more then welcome to stay over here any time. Maybe you could tell Jaz the truth and you might feel better. I understand Lou, you and Harry were really close. I hate what he did to you I really do." She says and I just hold her tighter and cry. I don't know how long I've been crying but I hear a gasp, I look up and see Zayn and Harry. I try to wipe my eyes and hope that they didn't see or hear me cry but I know they did. "I'm sorry Anne but I need to go, it was nice seeing you" I say in between sniffles. "Oh bug it's fine" she says and I hear Zayn chuckle. "Why don't you stay, we can all hang out" Anne said and I could see the hopefulness in her eyes. "I'm sorry but I can't" I say and run out of the house and run until I'm at my front door.

  I open the door and don't even make it to my room. I flop onto the couch and just sob, my body shakes and my throat hurts from screaming into the pillow. Why aren't I enough? I don't want to be here, I don't want to live in this reality. I always knew reality was cruel and scary when I lost my sister and later on my dad, but through all of that I had someone and now I have no one. I've lost everyone I care about, my mum occupies herself at the hospital and she says it's because of money and I'm sure it is but part of me knows it's because I look like my father and she's still in pain, my siblings never want to be home because well I don't know entirely why but I'm sure it has to do with the fact that my mums always gone and I'm a loser. I end up crying myself to sleep. I don't sleep for long because of my nightmares, they get more and more graphic everyday. I'm wide awake now, I'm back to being swarmed in my thoughts. I feel a sickness run through me and before I can even react I'm throwing up the meal I ate at Anne's, the only meal I've really eaten in two maybe three days. It must've been to much for my body at once. I try to distract myself but that doesn't work well.

    I don't know when but at some point I ended up falling back to sleep. I didn't have any dreams just a white screen. I was awoken by my alarm clock which only reminded me that I have to go to the hell hole we call school. I turn my alarm clock off and stand up to get dressed, I feel a little woozy at first but don't think about it to much. I throw on the classic black jeans and a plain black shirt. I go down stairs and expect to see my mum but instead see a note.
                 *NOTE*
Good morning Lou, sorry I'm not here when you wake up I got called into the hospital. I won't be home until late tonight. I love you and there are leftovers in the fridge for dinner.
         *End of note*
I roll my eyes, of course she's not going to be home. I bet $20 she won't be home tomorrow morning either. I re read the note and my stomach turned at the thought of food, just the thought made me want to throw up. I walk out the door and go to start my car so I can head to school. I try to think about what's good that can happen out of today and my mind instantly goes to the fact that I have music class, the only class I'm somewhat myself in.

💚Heyy. What are you guys thinking so far? I also thought I should mention that in the story I said his sisters weren't ever home, that's his younger sisters. His sister Lottie who is older in this story is in college in California. I hope if there was any confusion that cleared it up. If you're confused on anything else go ahead and comment and I will let you know and clear up any confusion. I hope you all have a wonderful day or night.💙