Another life

A small confession

Harry POV

I realize as I look around how long it's been since I've been in Louis's room. Our moms are in the kitchen gossiping about god knows what. I look towards Louis's bed. Visions of him and I ignite in my mind. And not just the sexual ones but those too. But it's mostly the goofy grin that he used to have on his face. Or the way he looked at me. Like I was the light of his world. And I used to look at him like that too. I realize then that I've never looked at Zayn like that. I know I never will either. It's apparent to me that Zayns just a spacer. That's all he ever was. But if I ever had the option Louis would've been my forever. The white picket fence and greenest grass type of forever. I wanted it with him. More than I'd ever wanted anything. But the fear of losing him by someone elses hand scared me away from it. I hate myself for it.
I brush the feeling of it off trying to focus on the butterflies in my stomach at the moment. Just looking at him makes them erupt. I mean genuinly hes so perfect. "You're room looks the same." I say to break the empty silence. Louis nods while biting his lip. Holy fuck it's hot. I gulp quickly trying to move my focuse. I feel like such a shitty person. Zayn would never do this. Fuck. I wander around the room dragging my finger on the drawers and walls. There's a tension growing in the room the more I near Louis. I look at what he's standing by. It seems like the only new thing in his room. It's a metal box. One that you'd get from walgreens and filled with soaps and dry shampoos. It's labelled mens. I raise an eyebrow at his body language around it. I look back at Louis who's paying close attention to my eyeline. "That's new." I say tensing my face up at the guard he has in on. "No it's not." He says it fast, defensive. He's hiding something. Something big. "What's in it." I look into his eyes when I say it. This is the better chance I have of him being honest. He always gets nervous at direct eye contact or he falls into it. He'll blindly agree. "Can you not?" Louis says annoyed. "The girls miss you." He says while breaking the eye contact. "You should go play barbies or something with them." I watch at the way he tenses up. It makes me angry. I try not to show it too much but the vein popping out of my neck's being a fucking snitch. "Can you come with?" I ask Lou softly to make him feel comfortable again. Louis closes his eyes as if he's thinking. "Umm yea. I'll be in there in five." He shakes his head as if he's trying to clear it.

Louis POV

TW
TW
TW CUTTING
Harry's already left the room and I can hear the girls arguing over which dolls they want. I frown feeling like a shit bag. I close my door quickly feeling a shiver go down my spine. I walk back around opening the box. Last time was supposed to be the last time. I breathe in slowly as i open the metal box. I look down at the cluster of bandaids, neosporin and finally tiny little razor blades. I hate the way they control me. No matter how small they are they have this power over me. I know now that I can't stop. I grab one of the alcohol pads you use for cleaning and sterilizing a wound and wipe it over my arm. Slowly I push it into my skin. I inhale the pain it sends through me. I've grown to love the feeling. I push it hard until I see blood begin seeping from the sides of it. I keep my eyes open watching the blood. "I deserve it." I whisper it to myself breathlessly. I swipe the blade along my arm. When I lift it blood falls from my arm. I do it again and again. Until there's about thirteen cuts on my arm. I close my eyes and open up the bin drying my cuts with an old t shirt that's already filled with blood. Once the cuts stop bleeding for the most part I put bandaids over them and try to focus on the stinging feeling it gives me.
TW OVER

Harry POV:

Louis walks into the room with a big smile. "Who'd you guys save for me?" He asks with a laugh. I squeeze my nose looking him up and down. "Be my Ken." I throw him a Ken Doll dressed in some random cargo pants the girls found and a dress jacket. Lou trys to catch it but when he moves his arm he winces and breathes through his teeth. He plays it off though as he bends down and crawls over with the doll. Once he's sitting beside me he puts the barbie on my chest, holding it there with his hand. "Always and forever right." He says it laced with sweetness and a smile but it pierces through me. I try not to let it show. I close my eyes softly. "Always and forever Lou." I know that he's just joking but I used it as an outlet to say what I've been wanting to. I guess it helped and hurt. "I'm gonna go turn on some music." Louis says with a soft smile. He walks over to the girls stereo placed on their nightstand. I can't help but drool over his ass. Fuck, I want him so bad. Just the idea of him below me moaning and asking for more- my thoughts get cut off by Lou asking me a question. "Is this new? I've never heard it before." He asks me it while turning it up a bit more. (it's fine line. I'm going to add it to the begginning thing in the chapter where photos and stuff can go. So start it now or keep playing it if you'd like )
I recognize the song almost immediately. It's the main thing I've been doing for the past week since I saw Lou. "Are you and Zayn having trouble. This doesn't seem like a happy love song?" Lou asks me with a furrow in his brows. "It's about endgame. Not the one and done. It's saying no matter how much that person can yell or you fight you know it's forever." I tell Lou looking at him. "So you and Zayn are fighting?" He asks me still confused. I sigh wondering how he hasn't gotten it yet. I look directly into his blue eyes and fiddle with the ring that my management made me put on a necklace. "It's not about Zayn." I say it slowly so he can understand. His eyes wander to the ring around my neck. "Oh." He says it raising his eyebrows with a short gasp. We keep looking at each other leaving things unsaid while the girls play with their barbies. The world mutes around Louis. I can tell that he's trying to make up his mind about it. That the song makes him nervous. I want to hear him say what he thinks about it.
"DINNER!" Johannah yells to us. It breaks Lou and I out of our trance. He shook it off quicker than me already herding his sisters out of the room. "The song," Louis says reaching his hand down to help me up. "It's beautiful. I like it." I rest my hand in his smiling at the reassuring feeling he just set into me. "Thank you. It means a lot Loubear." Fuck. Why'd I let that slip out. By the look on his face the nickname took us both by surprise. But slowly the surprised feeling melts into one of his genuine smiles. "Alright Harold let's go." He says it with a little laugh. "I hate you." I say trying not to smile at the nickname. Truthfully it sends butterflies through my stomach. The ways he still knows what gets on my nerves. The way he has these thing that are still memorized about me. "Really?" Louis says whipping around biting his lip. He puts both of his hands on the doorframe agressively. I look at the veins popping out from him. "Don't you love me though?" He grabs onto my hand softly making it brush his lip. I close my eyes letting it rest there. He lets go of my hand slowly. "Harold, it's a joke. Let's go." He says making me jump out of the trance he placed me in. "Yea." I say shaking my head and breathing in softly following him out to the kitchen table.

Louis POV

It's a bit after dinner and everyones playing twister. Harry and I's moms are manning the places we have to move. So far it seems like they're just plotting to wrap Harry and I up. "Louis Green right hand, Harry blue left foot-" they continue listing off what the girls have to. "Is this okay?" Harry asks me moving his hand next to mine. I feel the heat of his pinkie against mine. "Yea." I say reassuring him with a soft smile. I look up to my mom and Anne staring at the two of us and exchanging a knowing glance in between each other. This was a planned attack. I look back down to the moving feeling. Harry's pinkie is moving closer to mine. I look at his eyes that are looking between our hands and my eyes. I bite my lip trying to decide. His eyebrows squint as if they're asking me permission. I move my pinkie and wrap it over his. It's a small gesture but when I look back into his eyes I realize that it means a lot to the two of us. It's comforting and bittersweet. A feeling I missed but one that makes me scared at the same time. Slowly my sisters envolop themselves into an argument pushing me over and on top of Harry who falls to the ground with a laugh. I notice the way Harry regulates his breathing for me. It makes me giggle. I look up into his eyes. "Stay the night. We can sleep on the trampoline with the girls and make smores."

Harry POV

The way Lou is looking at me right now sends butterflies through my stomach. The laughs erupting from him, his smile, everything about it. "Stay the night." He asks me with a smile. Right before i eagerly respond with a yes he continues. "We can sleep on the trampoline with the girls and make smores." It makes me smile and erupt with even more butterflies. "It's fine with me." My mom chimes in happily. I move my gaze to Johannah. "Anytime Harry." She says it with a happy sigh. I look back down into Lou's eyes with a grin. "Let's do it."
30 minutes later
My mom left a bit ago and I think Johannah is dead asleep. We brung all of our blankets and set them on top of the trampoline. The girls were doing front flips into the bundle of blankets. Lou gets up from the opposite side of the trampoline and breaks the distance. He lays back down beside me. I lift up my blanket and cover him in it. He moves close to me and places his head on my shoulder. It makes me smile and think of how we used to be. "This might sound weird and I might sound self conceited-" Louis says lifting himself up from my shoulder and looking into my eyes. "You could never sound that way Lou." I say it to him warmingly and carefree. Louis scrunches his eyebrows together deep in thought. It bursts out of him quickly. "Was the song about me because it seemed like you were saying it was and I know I shouldn't read too much into stuff but- you were messing with the necklace and you're not fighting with Zayn. It just- why do you still wear it?" He says it quickly.
I look into his eyes debating if my answer should be the truth or not. Fuck it. I'm not gonna trap myself in my own web of lies. "Louis, the song was about you. You're not reading too much into it. And the reason I wear it because every song that isn't a stunt about Zayn is about you. Every song I genuinely mean was based off of some thought that sprouted off of you. You make the prettiest things Lou because you're the prettiest thing." I say it gently. A smile grows on his face. A kind gentle happy one. Louis lays down and hits his head on the metal surrounding. "Fuck. The girls took my pillow." He says rolling his eyes. I laugh and lay down. "Use me." A silence settles between the two of us as Lou decides whether or not to take me up on my offer. Slowly he moves himself closer the me and places his head on my chest and legs over mine. My last thought before I drift off to sleep with Lou still on top of me is about him. Or about me. I don't know. But the only thing that surrounds my mind is the realization that I'm still in love with Lou. I never stopped and I never starting loving Zayn.

💚I'm sorry I released this chapter late. I want to say thank you to my amazing best friend who wrote this chapter because I wasn't quite sure what to write and had a writers block. So thank you Smelly (that's her nickname). I hope you all have/had an amazing day and please vote and comment :)💙