Red String (A Ruki Story, the GazettE)

Thora's Story - Ruki (Chapter 16)

February 1st, Thora - Aged 25

She stood behind the closed doors of the studio with her eyes closed. She hated surprises like this and hated especially being blindfolded out of the bed. She had to go out on to that stage and act shocked and happy and smile the whole night. All she wanted was to go home and eat her ice cream while drinking her wine with shitty TV in the background. Why did she say yes? Oh yes, that is because she liked the people here, Masato has always been nice to her, acting like a big brother. Annoying big brother...

She stood there as the doors opened. She waved towards where the guests usually would stand then felt someone holding her hand. Then suddenly she felt lost. Her fingers closed over the hand without her knowledge, they acted as if they had found something they knew, it was instinctual. She felt the same tingling she felt when Lars had touched her the first time. No. This was different. This was not some kind of a shock, this was some kind of recognition. Her body recognising something and it scared her. It was a man's hand, soft, nice fingers. He had rings on, she was sure. He smelled nice with a tinge of sweat but that felt comforting. She could feel her heart racing, she knew her face would not give away a thing, "a well-trained face" Thomas used to call it but her brain was in a panic in a way she could not comprehend.

She had a guess about who the man was but she could not believe it because, oh well, they would not come to a show like this. When was the last time they came to a show like this? Years, years ago! Who was it then? Then she heard him let out a shocked scream, which was barely a scream, as he lost his balance. She held his hand tightly using her upper body muscles and kept him standing up. But that little "aah!" was everything she needed to know. Ruki from the GazettE. So they did actually come.

Now she felt even more confused and lost. She realised it was her favourite band and she was expected to be Tora-chan and act all cutesy and shocked and fangirl. However, that is not who she wanted to be at the moment. She just wanted privacy. Everything was like a dream for her for a while, she knew it was happening but she was not actually there. She barely followed along with the conversation up until the moment she took her blindfold. Was it because she was star struck? She knew that was not correct. This was not it was it?

When she took her blindfold, she could centre herself better, focus better. However, her body was still stuck at that moment where her hand touched Ruki's. She found herself looking at him and smiling. What am I doing?

Get your shit together, you are going to scare him!
Do your job and be Tora-chan! She would not have her shit together, to be honest.
No, I want my shit together. I want him to see me, the real me.

Was that what she wanted? She was losing her concentration. She decided to put Tora-chan in the second gear which to her surprise no one realised. However she knew, he did realise it. Was it her fangirl side appreciating the event like her initial meeting with Lars or was it the impact of the feeling she got from holding his hand? But she felt a desperate need rising in her for him to know the real her. She almost did not care for others. She was not the type to hype about just one band-man, this was not this. Something in her wanted to stay with him all night. She had a feeling that he could be what Lars could not. Am I filling a whole now? That is a bad idea.

The conversation was still going on, even though she had no idea what she had said.

Calm down now Ro. Act normal.
Who do you want to be for him today? Thora? Eleanora? Tora?

A small voice in her said "I want to be Ro for him" as if it was pleading.

But who was Ro? Was it the woman Lars created? Was it the woman she, herself, had moulded? She felt a panic come over her. She had never felt like this. She was sure she was talking normally but inside her there was confusion. Something in her had decided that she liked this guy the moment she touched him. Now she could see him smiling at her and looking at her, she knew she liked him. She could not understand it. She never felt like this even with Lars. This was different.