It Begins With Us

31.

"Can't you at least tell me where we're going to eat?" I whine grudgingly and Ryle rolls his eyes.

"You know since it's a surprise and all? The answer would be, no." Ryle says with a hard tone.

"Okay then." I roll my eyes and slump back in against my backrest.

I hate when Ryle acts like this, when he talks to me in this flat, uninterested tone.

"We're here." He says parking the car and I peer at the restaurant.

"Bib's." I say slowly and carefully, testing the name out on my tongue.

"That's right." Ryle nods and yanks the keys out of ignition.

We climb out of the car and I bite my lips as Ryle yanks the door open and strides in. The door slams shut on me and I suck my cheeks in with frustration. Ever since he's started therapy, Ryle's been getting into these moods. Like a switch of behaviour. 

I haul the door open and walk in, spotting Ryle already settled into a seat and looking around intently.

"Ryle," I start, taking a seat across from him, "what is going on?"

"What do you mean?" He says kissing his teeth and I hang my bag on my seat.

"You're being rude." I state clasping my hands on the table. "And you've been doing it all morning."

"Was I? Sorry about that." He says smoothly and I keep from cringing.

Another thing about Ryle in these moods is that, saying sorry meaninglessly is very easy for him. He'll just spit it like it was nothing.

"Ryle." I say with a warning tone and he raises a brow.

"Wha-" He's cut off by the waiter walking up behind me.

"Welcome to Bib's. What would you like to order?" The waiter says and his voice sends a shock through me.

When Ryle's smirk grows and he crosses his arms. My eyes widen with realization as he leans back into his chair arrogantly. I whirl around in my seat and stare up at the man, at Atlas.

'No.' I think, my chest burning. 'Oh gosh no.'

"We're not ready yet." The words come out of my mouth and I could swear they're coming from someone else.

Atlas's eyes pull away from Ryle's and down to mine. They soften and then he nods and leans in. He places the menus on the table and walks away.

"I can't believe you." I whisper aggressively under my breath as I lean in.

Ryle's eyes are already wandering again, looking, searching for someone. Someone, I have a clearer idea as to who that someone is, and I don't feel like naming her.

"Why would you do this?" I pound my fist gently on the table.

"I don't know what you mean, this place is alright, so I bought you here to eat." He says with prickly nonchalance.

I give my head a hard shake and get up, my chair screeching against the floor. I stride over to the counter.

"Can I please talk to Atlas?" I ask politely and the guy behind the register nods.

I wait as he disappears, and when Atlas walks out from behind thee counter my heart breaks.

"I'm so sorry about this. We're going to go now." I say to him softly, and he simply nods and presses his lips together.

Once we've settled the work with cancelling the reservations and whatnot I turn and look back at Ryle slumped in his seat.

"Have a good day." Atlas says and I turn back to him.

"You too." I say looking him in the eyes, hoping he feels exactly how apologetic I am.

"Thank you." He says and then shakes his head.

I smile and turn around walking back to Ryle. I grab my side bag off of the chair and storm out of the restaurant without giving Ryle a chance.

"Alba-" He starts and the door slams shut, cutting him off.

I wait for him to turn the car on and when he does I yank the door open. I climb in and slam the door just as Ryle opens his door. He climbs in and gently closes his door. I take my seat belt and cross my arms over my chest.

"Alba-" He starts quietly but I'm really not having it right now.

"I don't want to talk right now. Just take me back." I murmur, my heart pounding in my chest and my face burning red.

The drive home is quiet and tense and the silence between us is filled with unsaid and muted words that neither of us want to address. I build myself as we do. I want to yell at him for his wandering eyes but that really isn't what this is about. I glower at the ground the entire elevator ride up and storm into the condo, boiling with rage.

"Why would you do that?" I ask incredulously and Ryle presses his lips together.

"Is it really that big of a deal?" He asks pressing his hand to his forehead looking like he's just slipped out of a trance.

"I can't with you." I stop and shake my head. "I'm not in a mood for this, I'm going to sleep. I need space. Just... go away." I sigh.

I walk over to the couch and lay down, curling up into a tight ball. All the while I can feel him, standing there, contemplating. Then slowly he walks back into the room and I lay there fuming and forcing back tears till I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open. 

-

I wake in the middle of the night, in the dark and shadowy living room, sad and alone. I thought sleeping my feelings away would help but I guess not. I sit up and a comforter slips off of me.

'Ryle,' I realize, 'he covered me.'

I sigh forcing myself up and walk through the cold hallway back to the room. I step in and my heart sinks in my chest at the sight of him. Ryle's tightly curled up under a thin blanket. Just like a sad little kid trying to punish himself for bad behaviour.

 I sigh again and walk back to the couch and curl up tightly under the comforter. 

I imagine myself climbing into bed beside him and carefully wrapping the comforter around us both. I imagine curling up tightly against his warm and thumping chest. My heart slows and my eyes sting as the tears from earlier resurface. I snuggle in closer to comforter, imagining that it's him. 

As I drift drowsily between sleep and sadness, I imagine myself, sleeping so close to his chest, yet so far from his heart.