It Begins With Us

41.

I barge into Kimy's and when I don't see Alba I make my way into the room. I find her sleeping on the bed, curled up tight under the covers.

"Alba?" I say her name and she stirs.

I walk over and lean down to get a better look at her. Gently do I pull the blankets back so I could see her face. Her tan skin, her freckles scattered over her cheekbones and nose bridge, her short, straight lashes, her wide, pink lips. Her bruises.

"Alba." I whisper her name again and she mumbles some incoherent jumble, turning over.

My eye catches on the bandaid and I sigh.

"I messed up." I whisper caressing her cheek with my finger. "This won't happen again, I promise you. I won't let it."

She mumbles something again and tosses again, turning over to face me. I smile and press my lips to her temple.

'I didn't believe you. That 'guy' in your diary, he really is me. All those years, the one you wrote about, the one you waited for, it was me.' My heart calls out to her as my feeling drip from my eyes. 'Every time you loved me more. In your past, in your present, and even our future, you loved me most.'

"Ryle?" Alba whispers sleepily as she blinks up at me.

My tears, they woke her up.

"I'm sorry." I cry leaning down, pressing my face into her neck. "I don't deserve you, do I? I never have and I still don't."

She lays there, immobile and I wonder if she's already realized how much of a waste I am to love.

"I can't explain how much I wish I could go back to that game and just start all over." I sniff, my nose burning with emotions. "I could do so much more, shower you with every bit of good that you deserve."

She doesn't say anything and I wish she would, almost like she's locked me out. Out in the freezing cold.

"Is it too late for me to make it up to you? Is it too far gone for me to fix this?" I ask, desperate. "Can you love me again?" 

"Love?" She whispers and my heart shivers at the sound of her voice. "You think I love you? But I thought I was a liar? A cheater?"

"F***." I shoot up and look down at her, my vision blurry and my lips frowning like a distort child. "You're not any of that! I was an idiot for not believing you, not taking you seriously!"

"Oh you were, were you?" She breathes out a laugh and my heart jumps. "First it was me, now it's you instead?"

"Alba, f***. Please. One more chance, it won't happen again. I know you'll believe me, you have to."

"Why?!" She shouts and pushes me off of her. "Why do I have to? Did you believe me? No! you didn't." I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head.

"Your mom said you would." I blurt out and I sound like a f***ing snot nosed, spoiled little kid.

"What? Mama?" She whispers confused. "You went to my mother?!"

Her confusion turning to betrayal.

"She wouldn't let me tell her anything except that you told me about the traveling!" I quickly explain and she sighs with relief.