It Begins With Us

32.

"Ryle are you home?" I call out as I step in.

When there's no reply, I take it that he's still out. I hang my purse up, and slip my shoes off. I fall onto the couch remembering the time Barney called. Or was it Bailey?

"Thirsty, thirsty." I groan as I push off of the couch and skip to the kitchen.

I grab a glass and just as I'm about to fill it, my eyes catch on a beautiful bouqet of roses. I gasp and the glass literally slips out of my hands. I quickly catch it and find myself slamming it a little too hard onto the counter. My hearts beating wildly and I can't stop the smile taking over my face.

'He brought a bouquet, for me?' I think my fingers brushing over the soft and smooth petals.

My fingers catch on the card hanging from the roses and I finger it, then turn it over. My name is written on it, and so is the name of the shop. Lily Bloom's.

'What? Why......?'

"No, Ryle. No." I whisper, my lips trembling into a frown. "You've gotta be f***ing kidding me?" I can't seem to raise my voice.

I've lost my voice.

'Looks like I'll need that water after all.' I think, my heart breaking as I fill the glass.

Before the water could even fill the glass halfway my legs give out and I fall to the hardwood floor. I guzzle down whatever bit of water that is left in the glass clenched tight in my trembling hand. I can't seem to loosen my grip, I can't seem to let go. I sit there, limp as a noodle, till the front door opens up. I force myself off of the floor and towards the door. Ryle walks in just as I walk out into his line of sight.

"Al, w-" He starts and instantly stops catching sigh of the bouquet clenched tightly in my hand.

"Explain, now." I demand my voice low and my jaw clenched.

Ryle:

What should I tell her? How do I tell her? 

This has never happened before. Never. I have never been stuck like this between two women. 

My past, and my present. 

When I grudgingly started therapy and anger management, I did it for Alba, I did it for us.

But getting better, came with an unsaid add on of regretful and nagging thoughts. 

Thoughts that asked me over and over again, why I just couldn't stay calm when I found Lily's diary. Why I had to push her. Why I bite her. They'd remind me of everything that I could have done differently. 

I started to realize how much I could fix if I got the chance. I'd become obsessed. I wanted to mend what I'd broken, especially not when Lily's reacting to me the way she is, in the damn positive.

Calling me when she found out I came to Bib, her words pushing me away but her pauses and tones clearly asking for me to stay. To confirm that I want her too. I couldn't, and that's when I went to the shop. I wasn't going to even go in, I don't even know what I was trying to achieve. 

But when I did walk in, seeing her eyes light up, seeing her back straighten, I knew she wanted me too. It was so damn obvious. So I bought flowers, for Alba. She bristled like a ruffled peacock when I'd said Alba's name. It was a lot less satisfying than I'd though it would be, but then I had no excuse to stay. So I took the bouquet and left.