It Begins With Us

32.

"Ryle are you home?" I call out as I step in.

When there's no reply I take it that he's still out. I hang my purse up, and slip my shoes off. I fall unto the couch rememebering the time Barney called. Or was it Bailey?

"Thirsty, thirsty." I groan as I push off of the couch and to the kitchen.

I grab a glass and just as I'm about to fill it, my eyes catch on a beautiful bouqet of roses. I gasp and the glass literally slips out of my hands. I quickly catch it and slam it alittle to hard unto the counter. My hearts beating wildly and I can't stop the smile taking over my face.

'He brought a bouquet, for me?' I think my fingers brushing over the soft and smooth petals.

My fingers catch on the card hanging from the roses and I finger it, then turn it over. My name is written on it, and so is the name of the shop. Lily Bloom's.

"No Ryle. No." I whisper, my lips trembling into a frown. "You've gotta be f***ing kidding me?" I can't seem to raise my voice.

I've lost my voice.

'Looks like I'll need that water after all.' I think her heart breaking as I fill the glass.

Before the water could even fill the glass halfway my legs give out and I fall to the hardwood floor. I guzzle down whatever's bit of water that is left in the glass that clench tightly in my hand. I can't seem to loosen my grip, I can't seem to let go. I sit there, limp as a noodle, till the front door opens up. I force myself off of the floor and towards the door. Ryle walks in just as I walk out into his line of sight.

"Al, w-" He starts and instantly stops catching sigh of the bouquet clenched tightly in my hand.

"Tell me Ryle, tell me now." I demand my voice low and my jaw clenched.

Ryle:

What should I tell her? How do I tell her? This has never happened before. Never. I have never been stuck like this between two women. My past, and my present. When I grudgingly started therapy and anger managment, I did it for Alba, I did it for us. But then as I started to get better, I started to regret the past even more. Think of why I just couldn't stay calm when I found Lily's diary. Think about what I could have done differently. I started to realize how much I could fix if I got the chance. I'd became obsessed. I want to mend what I've broken, I can't seem to move past it. Especially not when Lily's reacting to me the way she is, in the damn positive.

Calling me when she found out I came to Bib, her words pushing me away but her pauses and tones clearly asking for me to stay. To confirm that I want her. I couldn't, and that's when I went to the shop. I wasn't going to even go in, I don't even know what I was trying to achieve. But when I did walk in, seeing her eyes light up, seeing her back straighten, I knew she wanted me too. It was so damn obvious. So I bought flowers, for Alba. She bristled like a ruffled peacock when I'd said Alba's name. It was a lot less satisfying than I'd though it would be, but then I had no excuse to stay. So I took the bouquet and left. That's when I'd realized what I'd done.

And I'm realizing now for the second time, seeing Alba's brimming eyes, trembling lip, and clenched jaw. I've messed up once again. I was an idiot then, stuck in the past. Trying to stick together a broken vase with cheap glue, when there's a much stronger, and beautiful vase right in front of me. I'm still an idiot, adding more and more broken porcelain to my collection.

"Alba." Her name cracks on my lips and she crumbles.

"Wanting to kiss in front of everyone at Marshall's party, taking me to Bib's, going to buy flowers in my name from her shop." She lists off, her anger seeping into her words. "Was that all to show me off? Or to make her jealous?"

I press my lips together tightly and shove my hands into my pockets. I'm shutting up, turning cold, and I know I have no right to. I should be stumbling, fumbling, asking her to forgive me, promising that it won't happen again, begging her to stay. But I can't seem to get the words out, maybe it's because I can still feel Lily's photo on my wall. Maybe because I just realized I've been stringing Alba, beautiful Alba, along all this time.

"I can't believe you." She whispers and I hear just how devastated she feels in the sheer panic that takes her over.

Alba:

At Bib's, he'd gone with me, on a date. But his eyes, they'd been looking for her. At Lily's shop, he'd bought flowers for me, but the pleasure he got was from seeing her react to them. That photo, on his wall. The eyes, the hair. I knew they were her's, but I never said anything because what if I was wrong? What if I was imagining it? And why would he even keep it up? At least not after he found me, right?

Wrong, so wrong.

"That photo. That's her to, right?" I ask my shaking hands desperately clasping one another, coated with sweat.

'Don't say it Ryle, for my sake. Say no.' I will him desperately.

"Yes." He says his eyes catching on it, staying on it.

"Why Ryle? Just explain why." I almost beg.

He doesn't answer me, he leans back against the wall. I watch him, confused. His head is leaned back and his lips are pulled into a small, rueful smile.

"Ryle?" I call out his name, I can hear the panic in my voice.

The sound of my voice clearly gets to him, because his eyes snap shut and tears, that I hadn't realized we're even there, slip out, rolling down his temples and cheek bones.

'I'm losing him, he's falling away from me and I can't seem to grab on.'

"I messed up." He confesses and something inside me breaks away.

"I can't do this." I say, my voice flat and solid. "I'm leaving."

"Please don't." He croaks, pushing off the wall.

"I can't stay here." I say my voice rising.

"Alba-" Ryle steps toward me and I explode.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" I shout and he freezes.

"Okay, but-" He starts holding his hands up, but I cut him off.

"No, Ryle." I say holding up a hand to stop him.

I grab my things off of the couch and start towards the door. As I do his hand stirkes out and clutches unto mine. His grip is delicate, so easy to break. My eyes flash over to him, and I'm floored by how much he wants me to stay. I can see it in the way his shoulders are curled in, the way his chest shudders, and in the way his eyes are downcast and flowing with pain.

"If you want me that bad, you'll know exactly what to do." I whisper and his breath shudders, echoing throughout the empty and dead home.

I slip my hand out of his, and my heart shatters away as I walk out the door. The farther I get from him the more I feel myself erode. Parts of myself fall away and I feel light, yet so heavy. I walk along the cold streets, colder then I've ever been before.