Enemy of Silence

12 - Trauma

The atmosphere of the bars can be felt anywhere in the cold streets of London. Peggy and I walk arm-in-arm towards the bar the men are inhabiting. Their singing echoes in the air, bringing a warmth to the chills of the night air. We walk through the bar as we spot Steve and Bucky, chatting and laughing like they deserve. The singing fades away as the men notice the two of us, but we pay no mind. My eyes scan Bucky's figure, even after lord knows how many days being tortured, one shower and he looks perfect. I slide myself under my arms and press a kiss to his lips to say hi.

"Captain." Peggy acknowledges. "Agent Carter." Steve returns. I squint my eyes and lean back slightly, which way is this gonna go this time?, I think. "Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?" Peggy requests. James leans down and whispers in my ear, "I have some equipment for you to try, later tonight?" I bark out a surprised laugh before stamping hard on Bucky's foot. He fails to stifle a smug grin at the light blush now covering my neck. James and continue to have a half-assed glaring contest whilst we listen to Steve and Peggy skirt around one another. "Should we go dance doll?" James asks as Peggy begins to walk away. "Yeah of course, two minutes." I say quickly before going after Peggy.

"Peg. You know he really likes you right?" I say as I catch up to her. "Does he Vic?" She sighs. "Yes." I say matter-of-factly. "He's still the scrawny kid who got no female attention and got beat up in allies in his mind pchelka, he doesn't know how to tell you." I remind her. She smiles gently before nodding a thank you, which I return. I strut back over to Bucky and find his eyes following my every move. I smile up at him as he looks down and asks, "Everything okay doll?" I nod before verbally confirming, "Peachy." I say and he smiles, that beautiful, heart-stopping smile.

Before I know it James and I had danced and drank the evening away and we were giggling and stumbling through our bedroom door. He catches me as I trip over my heels and I find myself chest to chest with him. Those ocean blue-grey eyes are like magnets, drawing any alcohol from my body until I'm just love-drunk. He leans down and catches my lips in chaste kiss that quickly becomes passionate as my hand wraps around his neck. James is the only man who could make my head spin with a simple kiss. There was no hesitation behind his actions; he kissed me deliberately, passionately, made me feel wanted. Next thing I know, I'm straddling his lap as he pulls me down onto the soft bed. Kissing him is like being a teenager who got their first taste of unsupervised freedom, and I can't get enough. His kisses were like a drug, keeping my grounded as I become increasingly desperate. I am made from lust, coursing through my veins like blood. It keeps me alive. I am scorned by it, broken down but resurrected and rebuilt by the feeling of Bucky's hands. I only know the feeling of him above me, the weight of his body.

We collapse onto the pillows, sweaty and tangled. My voice is hoarse as I whisper a soft "I love you." James kisses the top of my head as he strokes my back soothingly, "I love you too Vic." He murmurs into my hair. I feel James' breathing even out, signalling his sleep. I close my eyes and relish in the warmth of his chest, slipping into the darkness of sleep.

I'm walking through the cold corridors, blank faced, covered head to toe in blood that's not my own as I return. My knives clink together in my hand as I fiddle with them waiting for my handler. "Agent 1." I look up and am greeted by a snarling face. "Mission report." He grumbles in Russian. "All targets eliminated. No witnesses." I reply, head tilted up in pride. "Well done Agent. You can have a reward." He mutters behind my ear, grabbing a needle from the metal tray next to him. With no warning he plunges the needle into my arm and I clench my jaw. I fear the response my agony would cause, so I fight against the searing pain.

The thick liquid flows through my body and my blood feels white hot. Energy around me is thrumming, I feel the light of the flickering bulb, the heat of the building, the energy is everywhere. Everything hurts, it burns, it aches. My skin is slick with sweat as I become overwhelmed with power. I hear my name, someone's calling my name, who's calling my name..........? is the last thing I think before my body hits the floor.

I wake with a start, launching into an upright position, chest heaving. I close my eyes and try to regulate my breathing but all I see is the dream. I feel a hand touch my back and a presence move behind me. Before I can think I wrap my leg around the offender's, applying an upward pressure towards their thigh. Their shock allows me to force them down with my forearm against their chest and I move to straddle them, keeping them immobilised. I stare down at my attacker and tilt my head at his wide eyes. "Doll...?" He whispers, furrowing his brows and breathing heavily. I stare for a moment longer, confused, before I throw myself backwards and off the bed. I back up against the wall, muttering apologies that I'm not even sure he can hear.

I'm wrapped up in my own disgust to notice Bucky moving towards me. He scoops me into his lap, running his left hand up and down my back whilst his right goes to my hair. He whispers soft words of encouragement in my ears like 'You're safe here doll', 'I won't hurt you', 'Breathe', and 'Please talk to me baby.' I sigh and with weary eyes and tear stained cheeks I look up at James. "I'm so sorry sweetheart, I di-didn't mean to hurt y-you." I stutter between sobs. "You didn't honey, I'm okay I promise. Let's try and get some sleep, alright?" James murmurs, gently pulling me down with him as he manoeuvres us into a comfortable sleeping position. I let the warmth of his body relax me all night, but I don't get much sleep at all, the fear of hurting Bucky again weighing on my mind.