Enemy of Silence

19 - Broken

I sit on the edge of the pavement, fiddling with my ring. I sent all of James and Steve's belongings, dog tags included, to James' mother Winnie. I thought she'd be able to do more with them than me. "It's gonna get easier Vik." Peggy says, sitting down next to me. "You don't know that pchelka. You don't know." I murmur. Peggy sighs before saying, "I'm starting a new position, higher up in the SSR. We're hoping to start a new division specifically for this sort of thing. Taking down people like Schmidt." I flinch at his name. I stand up in silence and walk back to my room, pulling out an old backpack.

Peggy follows, "What are you doing Vik?" She asks, concerned. "How can you do this Peggy?" I ask, stuffing clothes into the bag. "Do what?" Peggy questions. "Move on. Act like nothing happened, like the man you love isn't dead. Like you don't care." I knew those last words were unfair but I couldn't stop myself. "That's ridiculous, I care Viktoriya." She replies. I scoff, "Oh yeah, you care so much don't you?" I yell. "This isn't a blockade Vik. There are other things to pour the love you had for Bucky into." I laugh bitterly, "Like what? Like a new man? Like you? Like a new job?" I mock.

Peggy narrows her eyes at me and sighs, "You don't know what you're doing Vik." I roll my eyes, "Yes I do Peggy. I'm leaving. That's what I'm doing, and look at that I know I'm doing it." I'm putting up my defences, shutting her out. "Fine. Leave. I can't bear to see you this broken." I slam my fist into the mattress. "No you don't get to do that. You don't get to pity me." I shout. "I'm not pitying you." Peggy says, too calm for someone getting yelled at. "What, is it too difficult for you?" I ask angrily. "Yes it is." I zip my backpack and grab the stash of my papers on my desk. "Goodbye Peggy." I say, leaving the door open for her to leave.

I reach Phillips' office and open the door. "Tori? What do you want?" I put the papers on his desk. "I'm leaving Sir, permanently. Don't try to stop me. Don't try to contact me. And do me a favour, keep Peggy from looking." I explain. "Okay." He says simply. "Okay? No fight to try and keep me? No big lecture?" I ask, confused. "Nope. You gotta do what you gotta do. Plus, I know you'll be back one day." He states, never once looking up at me. I smile and shake my head, "See ya sir." I say, and walk out of the SSR.

I'd been too many places as an assassin but never truly appreciated what they had to offer. I've been all around Spain, sampling sausages and enjoying the heat. I even took art classes for a few weeks. Then I went to France, learning how to bake bread. Paris is prettier than you expect, much more expensive too. It was hard at first to see the damage done by the war, but I did my fair share to help rebuild. Italy was relaxing. I learnt more about myself there, like the fact that pasta might be my favourite meal, and water and I do not agree. It was four years of travelling before I got to Germany, by now I was fluent in French, Spanish, Portuguese, and German. Austria, Germany, Czechoslovakia, and Poland weren't as painful as I expected.

It was cold when I got to Russia. I stare at the building I once lived in as a child, now inhabited by a happy Russian family. The longer I stayed with them the faster I found my Russian accent coming back when I spoke English. The day I left was hard but I knew what I had to do, I'd been following Zola's trail this whole time. Officially I've only been to the countries I mentioned, but unofficially I've been to Switzerland, Romania, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Hungary, and Latvia following leads. And they all lead me to my next destination. I thanked the family for their hospitality and headed to the train station as Nadia Golubeva. My passport was accepted and I walked onto the train, sitting myself alone in an empty carriage.

I picked up a newspaper in every country I stopped at on my journey: Belarus, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Austria, and Croatia. Eventually I came to my destination.

Siberia.