secret love

i think ive finally had enough

               setting: trailer after filming 2x27

ellens pov:
"You did great!" I said, "Not too bad yourself either." Patrick said with a wink. "Wanna go grab a drink?" I asked, "Wish i could. Jill is pissed at me right now." Patrick said, "Wanna talk about it?" I asked, "No. Its just that- i dont know. We're not the same anymore. We havent been since i started the show, and i blame it all on myself, then i look back and i realize, its not me creating the problems. Its her. So i keep my distance, hoping she realizes what shes doing, and she never does. She continues over and over again. And she always just up and leaves and takes Talula to New York with her to see her parents, and every time I'm not invited. I just think its strange." Patrick said, "Dont blame yourself. Thats the first thing you can stop doing, is blaming yourself. You are an amazing guy. And anybody would be lucky to have you. If shes not around to see that, then you need to remove yourself from the situation and do whats best for you. And i understand, divorce is A LOT. And thats not what im trying to say." I said, *damnit Ellen dont get carried away* i said to myself, "But- anyway, you have to do whats best for you. And if shes not best for you, then you dont need her." I said, "Thank you Ellie. You give the best advice. I gotta go before Jill loses her shit. Its already 9:30." Patrick said, "Bye Paddy. See you tomorrow." I said, "Bye El. Text when your home so i know you got home safely." He said with a smile as he closed the trailer door, "I love you." I said to myself as he left. "God Ellen what were you thinking. You are in no place to tell him that he needs to divorce his wife! Just tell him you love him. He deserves to know. Youve been head over heals for this man since the day you met.... No what the hell! He has a wife!" I said to myself as i paced back and forth in my dimly lit trailer. I wish i could tell him, i know he doesnt feel the same. But i just wish i could. Next thing i knew there was a knock at my trailer door, did he forget something?

still ellens pov:
I went to open my trailers door, "Oh. Hi Kate! How are you?" I said as I saw Kate standing there, "Im good. Just checking to see if anyone is still here. How are you?" Kate asked me, I had to contemplate my answer "Im terrible. Im in love with a man who doesnt even know it and im too scared to tell him" or "Im good." Which one do i decide? "Im good!" I said forcing a smile, "No youre not. You have that look." Kate said, "No i dont have that look what are you talking about?" I said, "Sit down. And talk." Kate said, Kate was my bestfriend. Ever since i met her when she came on the show we've had an amazing friend ship ever since, "Well its just that- no never mind." I said, "Talk." Kate said giving me the 'speak now or i off you' look, "Im just head over heels for a man that has a wife. And a daughter! And his wife is pissed at him right now and i implied that he should get a divorce to benefit himself and i think it came off wrong and I definitely dont want to screw up their marriage but i love him and i have since the day i met him and i just feel terrible." I said without catching my breath, "Why dont you talk to him. Maybe he feels the same way?" Kate said, "What? No he doesnt. Absouletly not. He has a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous daughter. He has everything he could ever want. All i do is get in the way." I said, "Ellen, have you seen the way he looks at you? Time stops for him whenever youre around. He gets so nervous to be around you because he feels like he could slip up and lose you at any moment. He doesnt love Jill anymore, i can tell you that." Kate said, "He doesnt want me. All i am to him is his co-star, and his friend. He wants his wife. He has the most perfect family he could ask for but he wants me? No no no no no." I said, "Suit yourself. But when you come running back to me saying i was right about everything i said, im gonna tell you i told you so." Kate said, "Thank you Kate. But im tired i should go." I said, "Just stay here. Its getting late." Kate said, "You only want me to stay here because you dont wanna go home and youre scared to stay here alone!" I said, "True. Please stay." Kate said laughing, "Okay." I said laughing, "Im right next door if you need anything." Kate said, "No im right next door if you need anything pussy!" I said laughing, "Goodnight Ellen." Kate said, "Night Kate." I said as she walked out of the door.

Patricks Pov:
I instantly regretted walking out of the trailer tonight, I knew i didnt wanna go home. I wish i wouldve just- kissed her. I wish she knew how much i loved her, but yet again i hesitate to say anything because she will turn me down. As im driving down the highway, "Grace" Came on. All i could do was laugh, that was the song that played when we were in the exam room having sex. Well, TV sex, but i secretly wished it was real sex. Since i layed eyes on her, i havent been able to stop looking. She's beautiful on the outside, but once you get to know her and her personality- that girl is GORGEOUS on the inside. I talk to Kate about her alot, spilling out all my feelings. Shes the only person who can actually keep a secret around here. As i pulled into my driveway i realized all the lights were off. All of them. That was unusual, at least the porch light or the Kitchen light would be on. I pulled into the garage and went inside, It was quiet, i started to walk upstairs, i peeked into Talulas room, she was sound asleep. I went to give her a kiss on the forehead and i made my way down the hallway. Our master bedroom door was closed. It was NEVER closed, we always kept it open incase T needed one of us. I was hearing faint sounds, but i couldnt really make them out until i cracked the door open. "Jillian what the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled, "Its not what it looks like-" She began to say, "Well it looks like to me that youre in MY bed with a man that isnt me. Thats what it looks like." I said, "Im grabbing my stuff and im leaving. You 2 can stay. Ill figure out what to do when my head is clear." I said, i grabbed my duffel bag and stuffed it full of clothes, not knowing when Id be back. I walked back down to my car, got in and pulled out of the driveway. I didnt know where to go, or what to do. I just found my wife in bed with another man. Do i call someone? Do i go stay at the trailer? The first thing i wanted to do was talk to Ellen. As i continue to drive to set, i think and think about what just happened. Did i even want to try to fix our marriage? No. But Talula needs 2 loving parents, so im gonna fight like hell to give her that. As i pulled into the parking lot i realize that Ellen never left. Shit. I walked up to my trailer and open the door to find Ellen asleep on the bed, i didnt want to wake her so i grabbed a pillow and a towel and put it on the floor to sleep on. Yes a towel. She started to wake up just as i layed down, she turned on the lamp beside her and saw me on the floor, "What are you doing? Just come on the bed. I dont bite." She said with her squinty 'too bright' Eyes. "Wanna talk about it?" She asked as i started to lay down, "Tomorrow. Go back to sleep." I said, "You need a hug." She said turning around to hug me, She rested there for a while, "El?" I said, She was asleep. This was the best thing ive felt in a long time.

hey guys! first chapter. trying out povs, not sure how you guys liked it so lmk if i should go back to like an authors pov. i really hope you enjoyed this first chapter!! i have some really great plans for this book. much love🤍

and happiest of holidays to you all!