Koshi Sugawara x Male Reader

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙𝟟

Day. Night.

Everything seemed to become one. The long disastrous daytime of pretending to be happy and giving your all to the one you love is what caused y/n to become numb. Yes, he loved Sugawara. Yes, he wanted to be with the male. No, he wouldn't hurt him just because of his own trauma.

But it was hard to be human when a monster took everything away from you.

Y/n walked on the bridge he passed every day, hand in hand with Suga. He smiled as lovingly as possible and gripped his senpai's hand tighter not wanting to let go. As they walked small droplets made their way down to earth and y/n looked over the edge to see the beautiful sight of the river below.

He loved these moments. These lonesome moments of caring for each other and holding each other tightly. These short mini moments of being in each others presence. He held these times as if they were the rarest diamond on the planet. As if, if he let go, he'd lose everything he worked so hard to get. 

His thoughts were cut short by Suga kissing his cheek. Y/N looked over to Suga and saw the male holding a small bouquet of flowers. He assumed the taller had hidden them in his bag, carefully put away.

When Suga reached his arms out he looked away embarrassed by his own affection. Y/n smiled and took the flowers gently from Suga's hands. he then kissed the male on his cheek the same way Suga had done to him moments before. Suga looked at the male shocked. 

"What? Didn't think I could be affectionate?" Y/n asked and looked away from Suga cockily. 

As the two walked home there was a calming silence between them. The nasty thoughts that seemingly swept through y/n's mind seemed to dim down whenever around Sugawara.

However, some days the thoughts of that night swarmed y/n's thoughts like a nest of angry bee's. Not even Suga could help him on those days. And that day seemed to be one of them.

Y/n faked his smile, knowing what he had planned to do that same night many days before. His heart racing, his mind fading into darkness.

By the time his thoughts were cut short, Suga and y/n had already made to their homes. Y/n had kissed Suga goodbye, terrified to let go of his "goody-two-shoes" lover.

Y/n's stomache turned and twisted in unpleasant ways, as he felt the butterflies begins to eat at his liver and heart. He wanted to cry, but he knew if he did, Suga would find out his secret plan.

"I love you.." Those words echoed through y/n's head and he felt guilt fill his lungs, stopping him from being able to breath.

"I love you too.." He whispered back. They kissed one last time and hugged each other one last time before Suga parted from his tiny lover.

Y/n let go hesitantly. His shakey fingers wrapped around the flowers gifted by his loving boyfriend.

He then watched and waited until he couldn't see Suga's figure in the distant.

As soon as Suga's figure wasn't in sight, y/n headed inside his apartment building Suga had helped him get; which by helped, I mean payed for with the money he saved up from past jobs. Y/n walked into the small apartment building and looked around. He saw the new dinning room table in the kitchen, flowers long dead from past dates shriveled in dried out vase.

He sighed placing the flowers he had received that day in another vase, only this time, nursing them with water. He placed the vase next to the withered petals that had fallen from the old roses.

He stared at the new roses in sadness. His heart pounding against his paper like chest.

"This is it.." Y/n said to himself. "I love you.."

When y/n had walked outside his apartment building for the last time, he threw his hood on over his head and looked into the now darkened sky.

Almost ironically, it has started raining. The cold breeze of the wind cutting his skin harshly. He looked down, the shadow underneath his hood overshadowing his face, making him look anonymous.

With low breaths, y/n started to walk back towards the bridge.

Low breaths were let out. The long walk to his fate was disgustingly long and painful. He had that moment to think about what he was doing and why. He thought of all the good things Suga had done for him. All the times when Hinata had been good and nice to him. He thought of the times his mother announced her hatred for the boy. All the times he received glares from nobody in particular.

The bad thought started to outweigh the good. Y/n had stopped, tears rolling down his face. He looked up and over to see the gleeming waters shining and waving from below. He huffed out a hollowed breath.

One last beat of anxiety coursed through his veins and he jumped up the platform and stood high. He watched the water below him crash and retreat with aggression. He looked up and saw the dark clouds covering his god.

Tears steamed down his cheeks and his breath hitched with nerves. The shallow breathing sinked with the winds harsh blows. The words "I love you" rang through his ears.

He seemed to have lost track of time when he could faintly hear the sirens of police cars and ambulances racing to him. He blocked it all out with the beautiful sounds of Sugawars's voice. The way he spoke. The words he used when talking to y/n. It all was as if Suga himself was a poet. A poet announcing the other's end.

Y/n swung around his cheeks covered in rain and dried and new tears. He looked up from under his hoodie and could see a crowd of nobody. He giggled unnervingly.

"Why would they care.." He said to himself. Just as he was about to fall back into the empty void, he heard the voices of the people he once shared the same air with.

He looked up to see Suga and his only friends. Antonio watched on in awe and worry. Jess and Izumo stared with tears streaming their makeup. Hinata cried, holding onto Nishinoya and Kageyama. They all cried. And they all shouted nothings to y/n. He couldny understand what they were saying. It was as if his brain was programmed to not hear anything.

However, the words Suga had said next definitely made its way past that barrier.

"Y/n! Please! Don't do this!" Y/n cried silently. Listening to the words his only source of hope was spewing. "Please y/n! I love you!!"

With those words echoing through y/n's head his eyes widened. He turned around one last time and looked onwards to the rain begging to dim down. He saw the sun peeking through the gray clouds. He smiled and lifted his arms in grace.

"I love you forever and always." He says looking back at Suga one last time.

His feet shuffled off of the floor he was standing on and he allowed his weight to over come him. His body flung into the air as if he was flying. The deja vu rummaging through his head from that night in his dream.

He let mother nature nurture him to the cold depths of the tide. His last thought being of the future he was supposed to have with his beloved. And instantly regret filled his heart.

But by that time it was already far too late. He had already made his choice. And choices have their consequences.

His. Being a forever slumber. One he for so long had dreamt of. One he now regrets.