Soulless eyes.

Chapter 12

Here's to your perfect weapon,
Crack bones with blind aggression,
Like birds whose wings are broken,
You live without direction.

--------------------
3 years and a half ago...

Scott and I became good friends. We were so different yet we understood each other perfectly. He'd always check to see how I was feeling, if I hurt myself again and tried keeping the dark thoughts outside my mind, but he'd always fail.

My mind kept getting darker and darker, making me feel worse and worse and thoughts of suicide constantly going through my messed up head. I'd spend hours with a knife in my hand, contemplating if I should or shouldn't try again. I kept telling myself that I should plan everything, leave a death note for people like Scott who'd actually given a shit about my life. I'm sorry for those who care about me, if they exist, but then again. How could they care if they don't know?

Devily stayed hidden from Scott and would always instantly join my side when Scott walked away. I noticed that every time I'd take the knife in my hands she'd fixate her soulless eyes on my tired of life ones and get in my head, telling me 'No'. What was that supposed to mean? Did she not want me to kill myself? Or did she just not want me to end my life in that moment? Was she planning something? Questions kept going on in my head, making me wonder what does she really want, my mind going back to my first suicide attempt. I locked my door but Scott was able to open it... I knew she was behind that, she unlocked the door so that Scott could find me, but I still didn't know why. She was like me once, she understood my pain, but made it worse, not letting me kill myself. Maybe she knew every time that someone would find me and she didn't want me to feel like shit after every attempt like she did? So many possible reasons, so little answers.

My mom turned to alcohol. She'd go to a bar every night and drink then come home and scream at her children and kick me, yell at me, blame me for all of this. I didn't know why she did it, she should be happy her husband was a hero, he saved the little girl but died. I understood her pain, seeing a person you love like crazy die and you not being able to do anything. She was a mess and I wasn't going to blame her for her actions, her mind being messed by the accident.

School, it was hell. The bullies would make sure I got beaten on a daily routine, breaking my every bone. Scott was there to help me most of the times, bringing me to the nurse and insisting I tell someone about them, but who would listen to a 13 year old girl that seems so nice, who would think someone was able to physically hurt her? Exactly, no one would think I was telling the truth. So, I stayed silent about it all, slowly getting more and more numb to the feeling. Getting more numb to the pain, Devily's poisonous way's of getting me to forget about all my troubles becoming so old they bored me. I'd always and will always feel the tingling going through my body every time I saw her, staring at me thoughtfully, making me want to die in a strange way.

I was silently staring at my bed, at her body sitting on my bed and her demon eyes staring at me while I was in a corner on the floor, my favorite place since recently. It was quiet except for the wind blowing the green leaves in the trees outside my window, filling the air with a relaxing atmosphere. My head was leaning against the wall and my body was fighting to stay awake, my mind wanting to close and sleep forever. My skinny jeans were soaking of blood because I hugged my tights to my chest, making the blood from the deep new dug holes get on them. The blade was near me, lazily sitting on the old carpet, waiting for me to make another one, probably the 50th one today.

Devily moved from the bed to my computer, putting on some music. After some moments My Chemical Romance started playing, The Light Behind Your Eyes. My eyes started watering, when I was very young my mom used to sing me this song to sleep. Her voice was beautiful and calm, making me want to listen to it forever but that couldn't happen now, the only memory of it was the actual song or the way Devily would speak sometimes.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I tried to keep myself from breaking down. She came in front of me and sat down, keeping us at eye level "Why don't you just let me go find her?" I whispered in her direction, my mind confused, hoping she'd answer.

"Because you won't end up with her, you'll end up with me. You'll end up like me. Maybe there's still a bit of hope in there, I can see something when you are with Scott, you are different. When you are with me you are yourself, or the part of you that wants to be miserable and fights the surviving not scared part..." she inched closer, making my breathing hitch "I can tell my pain doesn't have the same effect on you but I can also see the way you still want it, you want me around, you want to be with the... demon that haunts you. A normal thing by now, but never a good one. I can feel something every time you are with Scott, not about you, but me. You make it all hard, me keeping myself away from you while you are with him. I want to make you feel the pain you want to, the new one you never experienced before but crave so bad it stings your heart. You want to die, but I have some plans for now, I won't let you ruin them." she said slowly and inched closer and closer, making my heart beat hard.

I wanted to talk but I couldn't. She was making me feel strange a different, a way I've never felt before. The only words I was able to choke out were 'Don't stop...' before Devily's light pink lips met mine, making my eyes shut instantly and my heart blow. My lips were burning as I gently kisses back and my entire body in a strange way of physical pain and excitement mixed with the strange unknown feeling. She slowly pulled away, her eyes changing from their lifeless form to their human form in three seconds. My breathing was uneven and my head was going to explode any second by the confusion and pain. She smirked before fading away in the dark, leaving me wanting more of the unfamiliar feeling, the new pain and with million of questions rushing through my head.

I think I'm falling in love with my demon...