Soulless eyes.

Chapter 3

If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take the light behind your eyes

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6 years ago...

The cold wind hit my face as I stepped out of the new house I had to get used to because I was going to spend most of my life there. It was the first day of school, the first day I had to go to a public school and meet new people and I didn't know if I should be excited about it or not. My parents used tell me who is bad and who is good, they could always read people and be able to tell everything about them from their first words and their first actions but now it didn't matter anymore...

What happened in an year? Well let's start from the beginning.

The first few days at Sun Life I refused to get out of the room. I hoped it was all just a nightmare and that I would wake up in between my sleeping mom and dad and they're king sized bed I missed so much but then I started slowly accepting the event. I was alone now, no full of love parents near me. Just.... alone. Merinda has told me why I wasn't living with my grandparents or relatives either, apparently they declined taking care of me because of my mother's death that got to them or my father's running away from the truth, saying they were too emotionally destroyed by the news to be able to properly take care of a child. I easily figured it was all bullshit and they just didn't want to have another little pain in the ass and I can't blame them, I was a total mess and they would probably get bored of me crying for my parents to come back but still, they are family, they should have at least tried.

When I first met the kids it was all new, some of them were my age but others were obviously older or younger and I couldn't help but think about their stories. 'Did their parents die? Did they leave them? Why are they here?' questions that remained unanswered because I didn't want to upset anyone by asking them something that could bring back painful memories and make them feel what I felt, I didn't want that for absolutely no one because nobody deserved to suffer and I made myself a promise to try making everybody feel happiness even on their worst days and moments because that's how I grew up, happy, and that's exactly how I wanted everyone to be. I discovered that most of the kids were kinda mean but I guess they're attitude may have been influenced by the things they've been through although the 10 year old me didn't think of that and she just spent most of her tine wondering what she did wrong for them to be mean to her but tried her best to ignore it. There were a few very polite and friendly children, some of them even helped me ignore the bad ones and explained to me why they acted that way, but it was all new to me, I had so much to learn about the world, about reality so I asked the older kids about it, about all the emotions I felt and why did I feel them, why do things get sad and horrible, why do things get terribly twisted and the world we know gets messed up, about the accidents and disasters, about death.

I learned a lot, probably even more then a 10 year old should know. I spent half an year in that foster house, failing miserably at trying to get over my parents. Days and nights spent in that little room of mine that I never could call home, with my back pressed against the slightly cold walls, thinking about everything.

But, the worst part was that she was always there, visiting me daily, assuring me of her presence and always making me fall asleep looking into her dull eyes, causing terrible dreams to take place in my sleep, making me wake up in pain and sobs, never missing one day of my life.

Then, something happened. People came, families came and adopted children, but what surprised me most, was that someone wanted to adopt me. I felt a bit scared, scared that they might end up like my dad, but I wanted to escape this place, feel loved again and, maybe, leave those dark soulless eyes in here, waiting for someone else to haunt to death. But you can't imagine how wrong I was.

I left The Sun Life foster house with my adoptive family that day, went outside and felt the sun hit my pale skin and blind my eyes which were used to the darkness in my silent dead room. I guess it was nice, feeling the warm light on me, making me somewhat relax but not too much. It felt awkward and strange, being in a new family, getting in their car and driving to their house which was going to be mine too. I didn't know what to say so I stayed quiet and my new parents, Alicia and Michael, told me some things about them and their family, how I will surely love the house and get used to them soon, but I highly doubted it and I was right.

Being in a new family was awkward, after showed me my room I started settling down, I placed my few belongings in their place and stayed in my room for most of the time. Every day I would have to go through breakfast, lunch and dinner with Alicia and Michael but also with my new siblings, Jenna and Alex, who are both 4 years older then me which made me the youngest one. Jenna and Alex weren't fine with the thought of me living in their house, being part of their family, and I soon found out neither were my adoptive parents, it seems like they just wanted the money and they didn't care about me which made me isolate myself from them even more and avoid my step-siblings who liked kicking me and making fun of me just because I was younger and obviously stupid.

On my birthday I was alone. I spent my 11th birthday in my room. By then I stopped showing to any meal or coming out of my room since I had my own bathroom right near me which was very convenient. So there I was, spending my birthday on the black bed, a kitchen knife I stole earlier that day in my hand and me contemplating on what should I do with my life. The knife in my hand could be my lifeline, I was thinking if I should join my long gone mom and let death take my hand and lead me away from life, from reality, from humans, or if I continue, for the people that want to give up like I wanted to, but then I felt someone watching me, a pair of familiar demon eyes burning into my soul and twisting my mind. I looked up at her, the shadow I thought I escaped from, but realized then and there that I actually never did, that she still always haunted my dreams, even if she didn't haunt my soul, and gave her a small smile, knowing that is what she wanted, she wanted me to suffer. I wanted to feel a pain that can make me forget about the emotional one so I decided on something different than taking my life, I dug the sharp shiny knife into my skin and drew a long line up my arm, them I let the bloody knife fall in my bed near me as I hold my damaged arm with my other hand and bit my lip hard to stop the screams from escaping my throat even though I knew my 'family' wouldn't care if I was in pain or not anyways. I slowly made my way to the bathroom and used the bandages in the drawer to stop the wound from bleeding so I wouldn't make a mess everywhere and the last thing I saw before I went back to my room were her eyes in my eyes and her mouthing 'Good girl' before disappearing in the closed air.

A few days after that I had a massive argument with my adoptive parents over the fact that I refused to go to school and face people and meet people because, in all honesty, I was scared of people even though I knew not all of them were the same but my mind was destroying my hopes for better humans so there I was, on the first day of school, waiting for the bus to arrive, anxious of what might happen later that day, preparing for anything and everything and making myself a promise I'll be nice to everyone no matter what, slightly touching the familiar thin dark figure's hand which send pain down my spine and made me strangely relax for the upcoming events on that specific day...