Soulless eyes.

Chapter 23 (The End)

The thing I think I love
Will surely bring me pain
Intoxication, paranoia, and a lot of fame.

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Today...

One year passed since Scott started ignoring me and my whole existence. I was back to being the weird, lonely girl that is too polite to everyone. It made me feel horrible. I was so used to spending some time with Scott that his sudden detachment from me made me feel colder and sadder than other times, but I guessed I should have been ready for that. People never stay.

Scott would move away from me and avoid me every time I sat near him. He wouldn't say a word to me and wouldn't look me in the eyes at all. It was like I wasn't there, like I wasn't existing. I thought he said he liked me, wasn't that something that would make him get over every imperfection, flaw, mistake I made and see the best in me and my choices? Well, I think telling him that my girlfriend is a demon creeped him out enough to forget everything about our friendship or 'what I meant to him'. This is just the world. Nothing goes the way you expect, everything will turn against you one day.

My heart hurts every time I think about it, about how I scared my only friend away, made him think the worst and tore to pieces any good memories together. I should have listened to Devily. I should have kept my mouth shut and not have told him anything. It wasn't lying, it was keeping a secret to myself. But I didn't so I had to pay the price.

Dev has been supportive. She was the only one that could always make me feel better in her ways. The uncontrollable amounts of pain coursing through me'd always make me clear my mind and just relax. She was my medicine and escape. She made every stress vanish and turned every tear into a smile. That's one of the reasons I love her. She makes everything perfect in strange fucked up little ways.

Matt and his friends had been arrested after a few days. Matt because he was too aggressive and was a danger to people around him and couldn't spend his last years not getting in trouble. His friends, well, because they helped him torture and hurt others and because the police found marijuana and money in their lockers, so they came to the conclusion that they were doing illegal drug traffic and consume. I'd have never thought about them going that far in breaking rules but I guess I can't be surprised by their idiocy either, they'd never stop doing what they're doing and trying to be 'cool'.

After that, everyday was still an awful day. Every day was full of tears and screams. Every day was full of blood and pills. Every day was full of smoke and thoughts. Every day was full of hurt and pain. And every day was another day that consisted on thoughts of sweet lovely suicide while I'd just sit in the cold corner of my room. I liked thinking about different ways to end it, my life, and escape this body, this mind, this brain and this torturing soul of mine. I'd think about hanging myself in the backyard, under the shining moonlight and the wide awake stars watching me and silently judging. The sleepy sun would wake up and see a dead body where there used to be birds singing. But, he wouldn't cry, he would just be sad because I destroyed his view of the beautiful garden and all it's colorful full of life flowers. But then I'd think that I should have mercy and not kill the sun's view, so maybe I could stab myself with a kitchen knife. I could close the doors and just relax in the bed before putting the large knife in my stomach and ignore the pain. A slowly and torturing way to die, yes, but an interesting one. How your interiors have been cut open and the blood in them is getting out. It could be a productive time. I could do anything while waiting, but my favorite idea was painting with my blood the room. Lovely red hand prints on the grey walls around me trapping me inside the room, on the window blood drops like outside is raining. It could be dark and beautiful at the same time, but not anyone would find it that way. I knew I had to die, so why not now and here?

I was outside the school building, with a cigarette between my lips thinking about how to end it today when someone came next to me. Scott. His appearance surprised me so I turned to him with a raised eyebrow, silently asking him what is he doing here, but he just looked back at me, not seeming to be able to find his words.

"I-I'm sorry" he said so fast I almost didn't catch it. I was about about to break down from all the emotions hitting me. All the moments I've imagined him coming to me and telling me that he's sorry, that he wants to break up came in my mind but I always marked that possibility off the list, never even thinking that that would be able to happen. I lost that hope long ago. Why now?

I was lost. I took a long breath in, letting the smoke fill my lungs and relax before I slowly breathed out "'Sorry' doesn't fix any moment you weren't there."

This wasn't going to happen, I wasn't going to forgive him. I slowly started walking away and going to Dev who was now standing on the opposite street when Scott roughly yet gently turned me around and looked at me with red puffy eyes, tears down him tanned skin "I am sorry Angel, I freaked out. I was scared. I was scared of Devily and for you. Scared that you would get worse and worse because of her but I knew you wouldn't listen to me. She's probably already made you worse, twisted your mind to think what she wants and destroyed you hopes. I felt guilty. Every time I thought about you, every time I saw you walking alone down the halls, hiding from the other students and going back to how you used to be, broken." he made a small pause for air as him crying slowed down before continuing "I know I've been an idiot for the past year and that I can't fix things, I can't and probably won't ever be able to get back to you, but I am asking for another chance. I know I don't deserve it and that I am an idiot but, I swear on my life, you won't regret it." he said with desperation in his voice.

It doesn't matter anyway, I will be dead by tomorrow, so I guess why not make him happy while I am still alive? I can try and make it okay, fix some things before I leave this world, this is a start.

"Ok." I quietly whispered like it would come out as a scream if I talked any louder and smiled his direction which seemed to bring a smile om his own face in return. Not even a single tear appeared in my eyes thinking about everything. I was going to die. I was happy.

-

We walked home together in silence, Dev on my left, in her fading shadow form, keeping me company and assuring me that it was going to be fine and work well, even though I already knew that. Scott was on my right, smiling like and idiot and being happy, avoiding Devily from reasons I already knew.
When we arrived home all we did was talk. It was strange, talking to him again after all this time, but he was still the same Scott and that it made it easier. I was a bit quieter than I usually was with him but you can't blame me, I was terrified that my plan won't work, that I'll say something stupid and scare him and he'd leave me again. No, I didn't need him blaming himself for my suicide, he needed to think it was all okay. That is just the way it will be.

After a while Scott fell asleep on my bed and I took the all too familiar place in the floor, looking up at the ceiling.

I won't let him stop me. Not again. Then it happened...

Now I am here, after all these years, finally ending it all. A smile creeped on my face as my vision went blurry and my eyes closed tiredly as I heard that addicting voice say once more: 'Goodnight Angel' , and everything went black as I parted from reality into my deep deadly sleep...

Goodnight.
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IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE OH MY GAWD I AM FOREVER SORRY. Thank you for reading my story, though. I decided this is the last chapter, I hope you enjoyed it and sorry it took me a little bit too long to update. I am so happy, I started this project, this book, thinking nobody would read it, I started it for myself. But then, when I kind of lost interest and hope, I continued it for you:)
Anyway, I should probably shut up now. Thank you so much again, bye!
~Insanity