The neighbor said, she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense.
--------------------
2 years ago...
When I went to school the next day everything felt awkward. I didn't want to sit next to Scott, scared that I'll have to talk to him about these things and I just didn't want to, so I found myself in the back of the bus, in another seat than my usual one, far away from Scott's. I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. It didn't feel right, probably because it wasn't. I was in love with Devily, Scott was just my friend, I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to ruin our friendship because of a kiss or anything, I didn't want to lose him, he was the only one there for me, I didn't want to destroy that. Why did he do that? I didn't know. Well, maybe I knew or had an idea of why, but not exactly the reason. Does he like me? It felt strange knowing Scott could have possibly felt any liking for me more than a friend. I wondered when did that start, how did that start. Is that why he's my friend? That thought made me wonder about many things. Is that why he wanted to be my friend? Because he likes me? What will happen when he doesn't anymore though... Will this break our friendship? I don't want that, and I hope neither does Scott. I didn't know what will happen, I was scared about what could, so I just tried to stop thinking about all that confusing situation. I tend to overthink a ton and that never once helped in any way...
Devily was ready to help me with anything I needed but I just told her I didn't need help. I really didn't, I knew there wasn't a massive problem with me and Scott, just some things to clarify. I could see that she was jealous, she didn't know how to hide it, so I knew that she was probably mad at Scott for kissing me. I would be too if someone kissed her, even though I don't think that is possible. I had to talk to Scott, yes, but I didn't really want to. I wanted to avoid the topic and move on but I couldn't.
I tried my best to avoid Scott at school. In the classes we had together I either moved to the other corner of the room or stayed silent the whole time, not saying a word. In-between periods I hurried out of the class and went to the next one before he was able to come to me, but then lunch time came. I usually go to the bathroom or outside instead of going in the cafeteria, and Scott knew that, so I wasn't surprised when he appeared in front of me, blocking my way.
'Angel, wait-' I hear him say as we crash, his hands immediately coming to help as he held me, making sure I was not going to fall. After he awkwardly let go of me, he continued 'About what happened, I understand if you are mad at me but I just got lost in the moment, it was a dumb move'.
I didn't know how to assure him that there was no problem, he was my friend after all and I want to keep that that way, 'Don't worry Scott, it wasn't a big deal and as long as we are okay, everything is fine. Now, if you'll excuse me..'
'BUT IT'S NOT OKAY' I jumped as the words left his mouth, he spoke with such frustration it almost hurt me, 'I like you, Angel, and it pains me that a stupid thing I did can some between us, I hate that it is the reason you've been ignoring me all day long'.
I simply nod, lost in my own space. This insignificant misunderstanding was finally done and we could go back to our old ways.
He reached out to hug me and I took in big gulp of air to fill my lungs. I relaxed under his touch but the corner of my lips dropped as I spotted Devily sneaking behind Scott's figure frowning. I was aware of the fact that she was jealous, but she truly had no reason to be and deep down she knew that as well even though she wouldn't admit it.
As the day went by, Scott and I resumed to our usual habits, hanging out most of the time but I was still unable to shake off the awkwardness between us and I just didn't know if it was on my part or his, but it was that one element that crashed my day.
-
As I arrived home with a plan I was quick to put it into action. I dropped my bag on the floor and reached in, taking out my precious blade and for a short second stared it down, admiring its shine, its scratches and taints. I pulled it against my skin carving minimal shapes in which I shoved my every emotion. One of them, was for Devily, a heart spilling our blood for the way she ended up holding the tightest grip on my heart possible, thing I couldn't picture to be doable after the death of my mother, but she managed. She pulled me in by my weak, vulnerable ends and evolved as she presented me hers in return. The warm red liquid spilling out indicated that I should move on to the rest and so I did. The second carving was of a star, a shooting star to symbolize Scott, the light of the star being his goodness, his heart as he attempted to stick with me through everything, but the fact that it is shooting shows its transience. Yet I was quick to capture these shapes on my skin to hold them close and keep them in the form of scars, scars with buried stories only I will know. And so, I drifted off to sleep on my bed, unable to feel my body as it pressed against Devily's who joined my side, comforting me. It was nice of her, at least I wasn't all alone like before.
YOU ARE READING
Soulless eyes.
Random"You used to be so happy, so cheerful and positive. You used to be the reason eveybody's hopes were still there. I miss that old Angel. Where is she? What have you done with her?" he asked with tears in his eyes and pain in his voice. "Scott, she ne...
