Soulless eyes.

Chapter 5

I'll stop the whole world,
I'll stop the whole world from turning into a monster,
And eating us alive.

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5 years and a half ago...

I stepped out of the school and went to the bus station only to find the bus driving away and leaving me behind.

No, I was not upset over that little thing, actually it happened a lot. Honestly, I didn't look forward to the kids insulting me and punching me just because it made them feel better about themselves.

Oh, yeah well, the bullies I met on my first day, Matt and his friends, were the most 'popular' and 'cool' kids in the school and because I was the new student they decided to pick on me, seeing that I was always polite to them no matter what because they had to have a troubled event in the past that made them act that way and I was just accepting the pain I knew I deserved and the 100% true insults. I was all the ways they called me 'weak', 'useless', 'worthless', 'nobody' and way worse affecting words that always got to me even if I put a thick brick wall between me and them. There are some nice kids in that school too, but they are damaged, destroyed or fucked up by life and left in no one's arms to cry. I've tried helping all of them and mostly succeeded. It's easy, when you know exactly the way they are feeling and what would you need to hear more often and do more often to make you feel better. They were in pain, exactly the way I was.

Physical pain became my way if dealing with emotional pain, so every time I felt emotionally exhausted, hurt or damaged I'd dig a deep enough hole in my fragile skin, with a razor blade those cold eyes gave me, that could bury the emotions as long as it's open and fresh. Every time the hole fills itself with dirt and the wound heals I'd dig it again deeper so the emotions are buried for longer. I'd dig numerous holes, full of tears and emotions. That helped me cope with emotions, for now.

Devily was still her normal self, existing to kill me and make me destroy myself even more. But, one thing changed. She started changing her eyes from their full of hate demonic ones to simple kind human ones and I didn't know which ones fit her better. I started to look forward to seeing those eyes, those lips, that body, her. Maybe it was just my unhealthy addiction to pain, or maybe she reminded me of my sweet mother because she was there when she took her precious life and that is when she started joining me in my life...

She barely said a word to me, and when she did, I just listened like a good girl, creating a note in my mind about with what she said. Her voice was unique, a voice you would never think a horrifying creature has, though she wasn't a horrifying creature, she was probably just lost in the depths of hell, and her damaged soul is walking these empty streets on earth alone, her steps being the only things making a sound. I wanted to get to know the demon I didn't fear anymore better, understand her, understand everything...

After I came back to reality from my daydreams and flashbacks, I decided to walk back home, knowing that I had all time in the world and that some walking wouldn't hurt me and would help me clear my head, although I never walked alone, I had her by my side, occasionally brushing her hand against my back, making pain shoot through me and a grin to appear on my lips.

"That's all you can do?" I whispered to her and I started running towards the dark alleys, our usual torture spot, where she'd always appear and make me feel how I wanted to.

She disappeared in barely visible shadow and ran along with me, heading to my favorite place.

When I got there she wasn't visible and I soon found out why, resting against the brick wall between the two houses in the alley was a man, probably drunk by the looks of it, smoking a cigarette and waiting for somebody.

When he noticed me he quickly threw his cig away and went in my direction. I turned around and was about to leave when the man put his arm around my small waist and pulled me back which made my chest hit his.

"Hey hun, where were you going so fast? Don't you want some fun?" the stranger asked against my cheek, the alcohol could be smelt by far away and the way he talked made me flinch away but his grip was far too strong and I just couldn't move.

He left sloppy kisses and saliva along my jawline and then kissed me and I was disgusted and struggled very hard to get away. He started touching me and when I started aggressively punching and kicking he just hit my head hard, knocking me out.

-

I woke up with in pain, I couldn't move. I tried opening my eyes but the lights in the room I was in where far too bright for me to simply get used to them so easily. The room was dead silent except for the sound of machine. Beep. Beep.

After I could finally open my eyes a bit I realized I was in a hospital room but I didn't know why and what happened. I relaxed feeling the pain in my lower part and slowly stood up on the bed. I looked around the room and saw two figures, the too familiar friend I knew for over an year in the corner and an somewhat unfamiliar person in the hospital chair sleeping, eyes red and hair covering half of his left eye. Scott?

I slowly stood up in the bed, my legs were hard to control and my body felt sore. Why a- then I remembered, the drunk men, his strong grip, his alcohol breath, his sloppy movements, his perverted words that entered my mind, the pain in my head and the blackness I saw afterwards... I was raped by a stranger, in the middle of an abandoned alley, hopeless and probably left there by him, but how did I get here?

Scott shifted in his sleep and rubbed the sleep off his eyes then looked up at me and we looked eyes for what seemed forever. What is he doing here? Why is he here? How did he get here? I just kept asking myself questions I wasn't able to answer myself and then I heard an that angelic unique voice I'd recognize probably anytime.

"He found you." she told me but not by using words but by using thoughts, sending her thoughts in my head, communicating with me in a way I thought that wasn't humanly possible, but then again, she wasn't human.

I looked in her direction in confusion. Could she read my thoughts? Could she sense the way I was feeling? Could she see the future or anything alike? She was getting in my head and messing up my logic, but I was letting her make me question things, what is possible and what isn't possible, what is real and what isn't. Maybe I'll get some answers out of this, out of letting her do and talk to me, find out the way she thinks and what she thinks? I didn't know. In the beginning I wanted her to leave and now I just want to keep her close and figure out her ways of doing things...

Breaking my chain of thoughts and the silence in the room, Scott shot out of his uncomfortable looking chair, joining my side in a second and making Devily vanish away after whispering a slow 'Good luck' and leaving me with a far too happy Scott by my side, asking me millions of questions I couldn't focus on or hear...

"SCOTT!" I shouted to get his attention. He looked at me and muttered a quick 'Sorry' and looked down. "It's okay. Just... how exactly were you able to find me? What were you doing on those lonely dark alleys after school?" I asked confused.

"I stayed after school to work on a project and when I was going to leave all the papers I had in my hands flew away on the hands of a cold grey wind and I just followed the papers and tried reaching for them and they took me in the alley and I saw an unknown thing and curiosity got the best of me and there I found you, passed out against the wall, alone and swollen, so I called 911 and here I am. I was just very worried because you are a great person and I didn't want anything to happen to you and it all made me think of terrible accidents or attacks that you cod have been of and-"

I just stared ahead, thinking about it. 'A cold grey wind.'.... Devily..

Was she the one that led him to me? And if yes, why? Did she try to help me?

I didn't know. I know she wanted to help me die, help me feel pain, help me kill myself, but why not in a way that wasn't suicide?

I just spaced out, ignoring the place I was in, ignoring Scott that kept apologizing. I was alone in my thoughts, everything else around me ignored. I just thought of those full of death eyes as I joined my thoughts and remembered painful memories and perfect self-destruction moments the past year...