Soulless eyes.

Chapter 6

Now son, I'm telling you this,
Because life can do terrible things

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5 years ago...

I was in my lonely room crying oceans of sad full of hurt tears that wouldn't stop falling. I tried thinking about what I did wrong in life to start this, where did I go wrong, from the innocent pure little girl two years ago to the raped, self-destructive monster living with adoptive abusive parents and only having her demons to help her feel better by pain. That was me. A monster. Why was I crying? Because my ribs were probably broken by my brother and my cheek and arms were going a black swollen color. Yes, I love pain, but I hate knowing that it comes from people that should care about you because it was their choice to take care of you.

After I got out the hospital that day, I could barely walk, I couldn't touch anyone and not feel in danger, but every time I saw someone in the halls that needed help I still did my best to help them and ignored the memories of that day or the moments I wanted to back away from everything.

The bullies took it to their advantage and joked around about inappropriate stuff that only made me feel uncomfortable all the time. I didn't want that. I didn't need that. But still I smiled, I smiled until my cheeks hurt, I cried until my eyes dried, I struggled until I couldn't move anymore, I helped until I didn't have anyone left to. I made sure every time I'd see Scott in the halls I'd smile at him and maybe talk to him a few words. I didn't want him, or anyone, to know how everything really made me feel, they didn't need to know.

Devily practically lived in my body since the... thing. Every time we arrived home she'd take hold of my skinny frame that hadn't had food in over and year and cross her poisonous hands over my scarred stomach and make me feel like dying, but that was good. It made me forget about everything in those moments, concentrating on the feeling and the tears in my eyes. Her touch was the only one I didn't back away from, her eyes were the only ones that saw how I really felt and her words were the only ones that didn't make me want to die more.

She taught me more ways to destroy my skin, body and mind. Starvation wasn't one of them but I did it anyway, it made me feel good for most of the part, but also dizzy and sleepy. I learned what pills I could take to overdose, how deep I needed to cut into my skin to hit my goal and that alcohol can do magic. Every one of those things had side effects but I took the risk, what did it matter anyway.

I wondered a lot about Devily. Why did she do all she did. Why is she here. What did she really want. She'd never talk to me about actual things, she'd even disappear and leave me alone which rarely happened after the my adoptive family started abusing me. Maybe she got tired and bored of me, maybe she was going to leave me alone? In that case I didn't want that. I liked playing with my soulless demon, I needed her.

I came back to reality when I felt her presence near me, watching me cry, staring at my face half covered by my light blonde hair. My head shot up and my silver turquoise eyes met her black shiny human ones as we stared at each other in silence, my tears falling gently.

She came closer, moved some hair out of my eyes and placed her hands over my pain sources, causing more pain but a relaxing one, our eye contact never breaking and just silently thinking. Why is she doing this?

"Why are you here?" I whispered to her, hoping she'd answer me for the first time.

It took some time but after ten minutes she answered my burning question "To help, in a strange way." her quiet voice echoed through the room.

Help? "How is this helping?" I asked confused by everything.

"Why do you want to know these things?" she asked with a bit of something in her voice I didn't hear before, she was scared.

"Because I want to know about you, the only one helping me." she just remained silent, probably thinking the way she was looking at me.

She hesitated a bit before answering all my burning questions about her "I was once a human, a person, a normal average child. I loved everything and everyone and I was everybody's friend, but, one night, I woke up to the sound of screams and got out of my bed to go downstairs where I found my m-mom dead on the wooden floor and dad with a knife in his bloody hands..." she took a small breath in before continuing and I just listened like a baby listening to his mother telling him a bed-time story "I quickly went back upstairs and hid under my bed, hoping my father wouldn't search for me in this place and called the police but, of course, he found me, knowing that was my only hiding spot since I was 4. He screamed at me and stabbed me in the stomach when he heard the sirens outside the house. He quickly ran out of the room but didn't get far because the police officers caught him and I just blacked out. The next day I woke up in a hospital and I freaked out because I didn't remember anything that happened, I had a temporary cause of amnesia that lasted one year. My body was in pain and I was crying but quickly got better after some days and they sent me to a foster house where everyone was bullying me for my looks and my family. There I had to be alone and learn that reality isn't what I thought and change my whole view of it..." she said and I could relate so much "Nobody adopted me for over two years and when someone finally did I felt scared. When I was in the foster house I met the razor blades and tried to take my life two times, knowing life wouldn't take me anywhere, but they always took me back to life somehow... Then things went downhill more and I ended up the same way as you, in an abusive family, bullied at school and growing attached to the pain and hurt, using every single way of destroying myself. Then, one day, I decided enough was enough and hung myself at night and embraced death. That is when..." she stopped for a moment and her eyes changed from her human ones to the normal empty demon ones I was used to "I became a demon. For some people I'm Ana or Mia, for others I'm Cat, Annie or Deb, but for most I'm Sue. For you though... I'm Devily, all of them." she said and I just looked at her, taking it all in "I didn't start being your demon randomly, I become a demon for some people that were going to suffer from a death or an accident their whole life and I'm always there to help in my ways."

My eyes started watering again, my mom's death coming in mind and her cold body pressed against mine as I fell asleep next to her soulless one two years ago in that basement, the first time I saw her.

I was 10 and now I'm 12. Two years already full of pain in which I learned more about life than I ever knew. Two years confused and not knowing anything about my soulless demon that haunted me all that time. Two years without the love of my parents and two years lived in depression and confusion.

Two years and more to come...